'Not in the spirit of MN' - AIBU to get a tad fed up?

[lougle]

I'm getting just a tad fed up of the trend, lately, that telling a poster that their actions/post is wrong = 'not in the spirit of MN'. Since when was 'the spirit of MN' to just smile and nod regardless of what anyone does??

Several times recently, threads have followed pattern:

OP: I need help with this situation
Posters 1-10: 'Erm....you really can't do that/ they were right to say that because you did break that law/ you have been really quite unkind so I can see why they said that/ your friend-partner-bestie really shouldn't have told you that and you really shouldn't have posted it all over MN.....

Poster 15: 'You lot are sooooo mean!'
Poster 16: 'I'm reporting to MNHQ as it's not in the spirit of MN'.

What? So we can only post positive, supportive messages, no matter what the OP is? Sometimes, the best advice is that you're being a complete wally and need to change your attitude sharpish, or you need to realise that you've broken the rules and fix it before you get into big trouble.

[NeedACleverNN]

I am ok with it now (said nob is 15 months old) but at the time, I was on my own, my dh was at work and ds had not stopped crying since he woke up at 5.30 that morning. I posted around 10. He finally stopped when my dh got home from work just after 2.30 but during that time I could have used gentle words. Even something along the lines of poor you. We are all here if you need to vent. But I got none of that. None of that at all. Even the posts that were giving me abuse were left to stand.

[lougle]

This is a thread about several threads. The most recent of which is the thread that you are referring to MadddyHatter.

Why should posters only be allowed to post 'positive' posts? Why shouldn't they be able to point out that someone's behaviour is unreasonable?

Or should we have a rule where the first poster gets to point out the behaviour that isn't right, then everyone else ignores it like the elephant in the room?

Perhaps on legal threads we should just post 'Go for it hun! You're bound to win!' even if there isn't a hope in hell of the OP winning?

On employment issues threads, if someone has been caught stealing, we can just say 'ooooh your boss is haaarsh. They should be more sharing.'

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

its the way one says it

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

I truly believe most of the problems on here would be solved if posters would just

1. read the thread
   

1. if you don't have time to read the thread, then at least read the first and last page and all of the op's updates
   

1. if the thread is already long by the time you read it ... is your contribution really needed at all? Someone else will most likely have made your point already
   

This would put a stop to the so-called pile ins (pile ons?) which are so unhelpful and unedifying.

[MaddyHatter]

What Fanjo said, everyone knows on that thread that the Cousin was wrong, but the constant pile on, refusal to acknowledge WHY the OP had posted in the first place and the Righteous Wanking over who could be the MOST OutRaged over what her cousin did, was absolutely ridiculous and completely unnecessary!

It is quite possible to politely point out to the OP that the detail in her post was really 'not on' but still offer the advice and help she and her DD quite clearly and desperately need.

[MrsJayy]

Saw a poster run off their thread because they called their toddler dd a little madame the outrage was outstanding and i dont think she got any advice about her op

[PHeadPH]

OP
Why should posters only be allowed to post 'positive' posts? Why shouldn't they be able to point out that someone's behaviour is unreasonable?

Now you are being silly. No one is suggesting that all and of course it's OK to point out that an OP is being unreasonable as long as you don't do it in a deliberately nasty or snarky way.

If you actually want people to listen and consider an opposing view it's much better to point it out thoughtfully rather than being obnoxious. I have no qualms about disagreeing with OPs but I generally try not to be nasty.

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

There's are some prime examples of unnecessary bitchiness on the current thread titled Culture In London?

[NeedACleverNN]

need that happens a lot.
As soon as I see an OP use certain words about their children I just know the thread will be derailed. It doesn't matter how desperate they are or how obviously loving they are.
The thread will be about a couple of words.


I don't get why though. It's not like a child under 5 is going to log in, see their Mum has written that they have been a sods today and suddenly realise that "omg my mum hates me?!"

Some people need to think before they post

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Well put Bathsheba.

[CruCru]

I think the etiquette on MN is sometimes quite strange. When I post, I try to imagine that I am discussing some issue of the day with colleagues in the office. We may disagree - but it should be in a way that shouldn't cause lifelong resentment or massive offense.

I often see posts where people have more or less ripped the head off someone for some minor point. It turns me off the whole site.

[bumbleymummy]

"I try to imagine that I am discussing some issue of the day with colleagues in the office. We may disagree - but it should be in a way that shouldn't cause lifelong resentment or massive offense."

I think this is a good way to post.

[daisychain01]

Because I have an issue with the trend as a whole. I think that the general trend of late is that if posters disagree with an OP they are judged to be unsupportive and not in the spirit of MN

There are some posters who don't get the difference between assertive and aggressive. They can't wait to stick the boot in.

Sometimes I have been right on the edge of sticking the boot in, if someone is reet getting on my tits - so I shut my iPad lid and make a cuppa instead. Problem solved.

[SlowJinn]

so I shut my iPad lid and make a cuppa instead

I sometimes type out an acerbic reply then delete it, log off and take the dog for a walk. Works brilliantly and saves me a lot of Internet angst.

[Fedupagain1975]

I think there are definitely some people who come on here just to be mean and put people down especially in AIBU! And you can tell them a mile off as you see them a lot.
You can be honest and disagree with the OP post without putting people down and making them for bad.

[Czerny88]

There are always people on internet forums who think it's their job to dictate what other contributors should and shouldn't post.

[bolleauxnouveau]

I think the spirit of mumsnet is the third spirit that visits you, clanking it's gin glass and terrifying you into changing your ways.