'Not in the spirit of MN' - AIBU to get a tad fed up?

[lougle]

I'm getting just a tad fed up of the trend, lately, that telling a poster that their actions/post is wrong = 'not in the spirit of MN'. Since when was 'the spirit of MN' to just smile and nod regardless of what anyone does??

Several times recently, threads have followed pattern:

OP: I need help with this situation
Posters 1-10: 'Erm....you really can't do that/ they were right to say that because you did break that law/ you have been really quite unkind so I can see why they said that/ your friend-partner-bestie really shouldn't have told you that and you really shouldn't have posted it all over MN.....

Poster 15: 'You lot are sooooo mean!'
Poster 16: 'I'm reporting to MNHQ as it's not in the spirit of MN'.

What? So we can only post positive, supportive messages, no matter what the OP is? Sometimes, the best advice is that you're being a complete wally and need to change your attitude sharpish, or you need to realise that you've broken the rules and fix it before you get into big trouble.

[Showmethewaytogohome]

Hate to say it but why the freak can't we go back to being supportive, generous and informative for each other?

What is the gain of the nastiness?

[GarlicSteak]

Just realised I broke the rules with a personal attack Please note there was a missing [lighthearted] there. Mainly because I refuse to put [lighthearted]

But I could've put a Sorry.

[PHeadPH]

Oh I see this is a TAAT 😳

C'mon, Lougle surely you've been long enough to know the score. Some of the comments on the thread this thread is about are ridiculous and unpleasant. It's as though posters are in competition to see who can be the most disgusted.
Assuming the thread is legit
There is Nothing wrong with pointing out the OPs cousin is out of order or whatever but there is no need for the spiteful comments that some posters made.

[Showmethewaytogohome]

I meant generally. The tone of MN has changed and everyone who has flounced has said that.

But they are bullied out rather than listened. Horrible

[Showmethewaytogohome]

As I have noticed on other threads I am ignored and I thread kill as I am trying to ask how this site (and our country) can improve discussions rather than mud slinging. Is that too hard or is it easier to attack each other?

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

Can anyone explain to me what "the spirit of Mumsnet" is these days? I really don't recognise the site when I (for eg.) click on that hideously twee video for veg enchiladas. That doesn't represent the spirit of Mumsnet to me, it represent NetMums or CBeebies or something else, but not bloody Mumsnet.

Anyway, as you were.

There's clearly some sort of back story to your thread Lougle, but on the whole yanbu.

[Showmethewaytogohome]

Maybe the question is what is mumsnet? And what do you want it to be? Surely parenting issues around food and TV are parenting issues

News issues are also parenting issues. But they have hi jacked by negative influences from all sides overs the last few years. For me it's about how are they addressed

[bumbleymummy]

I think the problem is how people disagree with someone or express their opinions. The site is supposed to be primarily for offering support to people so if you're really just having a go at someone and trying to make them feel bad then it probably won't be considered 'in the spirit of the site'.

[RhiWrites]

I think it's because when the mods reply to a report they say "we'll warn that person that such comments are not in the spirit of mumsnet".

[Sparklingbrook]

I agree with Maryz. I have ten topics not hidden though and it looks like I miss a lot of the shenanigans mentioned on this thread.

I also think hide thread is an underused function in general.

And sometimes I do wonder when I see someone supposedly posting for support but not particularly grateful for it when it arrives.

[IncidentalAnarchist]

Yeah but ghost you post about the same issue repeatedly, ignore other posters comments and advice then do the same a week later. It's beyond frustrating

[ThenLaterWhenItGotDark]

I'm getting sick and tired of posters getting their arses handed to them for unanimous YABUs and then having the thread deleted to protect their privacy.

My arse.

[ThenLaterWhenItGotDark]

And people running to HQ screaming bully.

Which is, frankly, pathetic and just another paraphrase of "I'm a twat, I behave like a twat all over MN and people call me out on it" wah wah.

[ThenLaterWhenItGotDark]

I've also noticed, especially over the last year or so, posters who know damn well how to push certain "MN buttons". The GoadyFuckers. I imagine them, thinking they're all clever and fooling everyone, bishboshing on their keyboards, laughing manically as they start thread after thread knowing full well what reaction they are going to get...then they do the Princess Diana fluttery eyelash thing and say "what? me? never? I was genuinely wondering...."

All very DP.

[lougle]

"theothersideoftheworld

I take it you are talking about my post on another thread? So yes this is a TAAT. People weren't just saying 'oh your post is too identifiable' they were saying 'your cousin ought to be shot/ strung up'
That's more than a bit mean isn't it? Especially when the poster asked for specific help and now feels worse than when she posted.
Did you copy and paste the first part of your OP from your post on that thread by any chance?"

Actually, I did copy and paste, but I started this thread because it's not fair to get frustrated on one particular thread when my issue is with lots of threads. I have been on several threads where people have complained that posters 'aren't in the spirit of MN', because they've dared to point out that fraud is wrong, or some such thing.

[bumbleymummy]

ThenLater I don't think it's pathetic to report bullying if you suspect it or are experiencing it. Some people 'follow' posters around threads, pick apart their posts and single them out on threads - even if others are expressing the same opinion. People have had to name change to escape it. IMO that kind of behaviour is much more 'pathetic' and 'twattish' and it should be reported.

[Sparklingbrook]

Some people take MN way too seriously. It's an internet chat forum and posting is not compulsory.

[ThenLaterWhenItGotDark]

Neither do I. I think it's pathetic that people deliberately being goady, or posting inflammatory shite claim to be being bullied when they get called out on it.

[SagaNorensLeatherTrousers]

Some people take MN way too seriously. It's an internet chat forum and posting is not compulsory.

1000%

[ghostspirit]

I was not talking about me I have had no nastyness for ages. But yes maybe I do post the same stuff. Maybe i don't always take advice. But I don't have to. And might have taken advice from someone who had different advice. Yeah maybe my threads are the same similar but then if I have things on my mind then I post. There's always hide the thread.

[bumbleymummy]

ThenLater but sometimes people accuse posters of being 'goady' and 'inflammatory' because they don't agree with their opinion. They may not be being either. In any case, following people around, singling them out and making snidey jibes any time they post (even on non-contentious subjects) isn't the same as 'calling someone out'.

[bigbuttons]

This place is certainly not a place of 'free speech' that it was years ago. Robust debate is frowned on unless it follows some mysterious guidelines.
Threads are deleted left, right and centre ( not my threads) now when I'm pretty sure in the past no one would have batted an eye.
It's a bit boring really.