...to "force" DD to go to the beach on Sunday?

[ArtyFartyQueen]

DD (13) is kicking up a right stink because I've planned a trip to the beach for the family (me, DH, her and DS (6). She says she hates the sand and is saying she will refuse to go on Sunday and will stay at home. I've given her some time to cool off and hope that she will change her mind, realistically I don't want to leave her at home and I want her to come with us and enjoy the day but don't know how to handle it. She is very strong minded (as am I) and we often butt heads. I'm already feeling stressed and panicked about it. Any advice?

[RhiWrites]

When I was a teenager I happily went on family outings with my little sisters. We were ages away from a beach unfortunately but we went to parks, galleries, museums and I wasn't bored at all.

I'm a bit surprised so many people are saying teens wouldn't be interested in a family outing.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Some teens might, RhiWhites, but some aren't. I agree with TheWindInThePillows, a bit of slack goes a long way in goodwill towards family activities. Enforced engagement isn't fun for anybody.

[Ragwort]

I stopped going on family outings and family holidays around 12/13 - I am amazed these days at adult 'children' in their late teens and 20s still going on family holidays no doubt because they don't want to pay for their own holiday. The thought of spending a day at the beach with my parents & younger siblings when I was 13 would have been mortifying.

I have a teenager and I know how much he hates doing the sorts of things that DH and I enjoy, it is very hard to think of 'fun' things for us all to do ...... apart from going to sporting events .

I suggest you leave your DD at home.

[ThatStewie]

I would ask if she wanted to invite a friend. If she doesn't and is sensible, I'd leave her at home. Sometimes a day on the sofa is all they need.

[Janecc]

Depends how sensible she is and depends how far away from the beach your house is. I wouldn't go on a 2 hr trip and leave her for example.

If you're unsure, leave her at a friends or take a friend. Then you can focus on the little one while she and her mate sit on their iPhones all day.

[albertcampionscat]

Body consciousness was my first thought too - whatever she actually looks like 13 year olds are liable to think they are too fat/too thin/ have too much hair in new places. Under those conditions the beach is horrid.

[SoupDragon]

Why would it be body consciousness? The OP didn't say she would be forcibly made to wear a swim suit. I've kind of assumed the OP is in the UK and I don't think many beaches in the UK have swimsuit weather in early June. Especially this particular June.

[MadameDePomPom]

There's a mini heatwave currently going on in Scotland!

[MadameDePomPom]

Sorry rest of the UK!

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Maybe it's forced jollity then? Who knows? The OP's daughter doesn't want to go, that's all we do know. She has her reasons.

We do all parent differently and that's fine but it doesn't mean that we won't disagree. I'm sure some people think my parenting is lax; it isn't but they don't know much about it. Same was when I think other parents live for controlling their kids for as long as they can for reasons of their own - I have no idea what the true picture is, only a general idea from what's posted.

[SoupDragon]

Sorry rest of the UK!

That's OK. I don't begrudge Scotland its 3 days of Summer a year

[MadameDePomPom]

Even though it's weirdly hot there's definitely a sense of 'bet we'll be back to October weather next week'.

[Witchend]

I'd leave her at home. I loved the beach as a teen. but dsis hated it. She burns very easily and feels the cold.

My parents didn't do the beach. They did lovely wonderful healthy long walks. I hated it. It wasn't good family time at all. My ideal of a nice day is not to set of at 9am with a bag full of still frozen squash and sandwiches and salad. At about midday stop in the middle of a muddy field with nowhere to sit down and discover they're still frozen. I usually deposited the sandwiches somewhere. Dp making comments on how wonderful it was to be out and aren't we glad we're not part of a boring family that might do something dreadful where you'd meet other people.
About 2pm check map. Find we're not where we expected to be. Df sets off at speed ahead of us. We trail behind through the short cut that should get us back to where he wanted to be. This involves cutting through a field of curious cows, a marshy plane which goes over everyone's wellies, and a farm which houses two aggressive dogs.

After a couple of wrong turnings we catch up with df. He's sitting down because he's heard a lesser tailed spotted whatsit and we wait 40 minutes while he tries to see it.

Continue on way, where he announces that actually he's decided it would be a good idea to see something else as we're so close so we have a 3 mile detour. Dm objects as she thinks it's far enough, and he informs us that actually it would have been a 3 mile detour, but we're already a mile and a half into it so it's too late to object.

We stop to admire the single stone which is what we detoured to see. Actually it's possibly not it, but we can't see it anywhere else, and this looks the most likely. No one has any energy to object.

We continue silent by this point as no one has any energy for talking. I now have a headache that's developing into a migraine due to dehydration (the squash still isn't properly defrosted and I'm not drinking anything more as I don't want to need the toilet).

Now we have a stoppage to admire a flower. No one can identify it and so a small sample of flower and leaf is carefully wrapped up to take home. It will be found three days later a brown mess, and the flower will be triumphantly identified as a garden escape. my family don't know garden flowers, only wild ones.

Then it starts to get dark. Df is again not quite certain where we are, but isn't admitting it. He's walking ahead again. We go round a corner and find he's disappeared. We don't know whether he's doing the terribly funny hiding trick or whether we've taken a wrong turning. He has the map and compass and we haven't a clue where we are.
After a short time dm decides to go across a couple of fields towards a road we can see. We thankfully sit on the side of the road, where she finds a bag of sticky toffees left over from about three walk's previously. We sit in silence peeling the paper off them about 2mm at a time until a car passes. She flags it down and asks them for directions. You can tell by the look of shock on the driver's face how far out we have come.

She decides to assume df will find his own way home and we follow the roads home. There's no pavements and the road is lined with prickly hawthorn bushes ether side so whenever a car comes we have to press ourselves into it.

Dm decides our spirits need lifting so starts telling stories about walks from her childhood. At this point no one else has really said anything for about 4 hours, we're all too exhausted and hungry.

We arrive home at about 10pm to find it all quiet. Dm has forgotten her keys so we're stuck outside. At this point we'll sleep in the garage if we weren't so hungry. At about 10:30 dm starts to worry and is thinking of phoning the police. We start eating the chives in the garden as nothing else is edible.
At 10:45 df appears at speed. He actually arrived home about 9:45 and found we weren't home so set straight out to look for us.

We get inside at last. Dm finds her keys were in her bag anyway. Df decides that we're all tired so should all help get dinner ready. I don't care about eating at this point and db has a temper tantrum and refuses to help. He will however appear when it's cooked and expect first servings. He then will throw another temper tantrum when told it's washing up time. He does this regularly not just after a walk.

We have fish fingers because they're easy to cook and fairly quick.
Over dinner dm and df talk happily about what a wonderful family day we've had and that we must do the same again soon. They remind us that we wouldn't want to be part of these dreadful families that might go out for dinner, wasting money, or do something that we might meet anyone, and tell us how lucky we are. I envy the people who go to a theme park and have dinner out. They probably had a good day.

Family time is overrated.

[tigermoll]

Jesus, Witchend, I think our parents are related. Except mine went through a phase of deciding that family bike rides were the way forward (meaning my combined birthday and christmas presents one year had to be a bike which I didn't want in any way, shape or form, but had to have because otherwise I'd be "spoiling it for everyone"). That mean endless family bike rides with my sporty father and brother racing each other up hills, and me toiling along in the back (youngest, fattest, least athletic) to get to where they were all waiting, then they'd set off again, all rested and refreshed. Honestly, getting glandular fever and having a legitimate excuse to get out of it was a blessed relief.

[honeysucklejasmine]

I hate hate hate the beach. Being dragged on. A child was awful. I would not "change my mind" when I got there and suddenly like it. I would much rather sit in the car all day and read a book that go anywhere near a beach. Such that, when dd is old enough to go to the beach, it can be a special thing she does with her dad.

[honeysucklejasmine]

*being dragged to one as a child

[I8toys]

Either take a friend so they can go off and do stuff or leave her be at home.

[Nataleejah]

Leave her be. Or she will be grumpy and spoil it for everyone.

[thebestfurchinchilla]

YANBU I have had this since around that age. DD is now 15 and would rather be at home whenever we do things as a family. But, I have found that she actually enjoys it if we manage to get her to come. I would definitely say she should go at 13. Still quite young to miss out on family times. Just tell he it's a family day out and you're bringing a parasol and chairs so she can sit and take some cool shots for her instagram updates.

[green18]

witchend That post is too long for a Sat night. sorry but cba to read it.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

16yo dsd was more than happy to come to the beach with us and her 5yo brother. She asked to bring a friend and we said fine. They spent most of the time just sunbathing, but we did drop them down the road later near to the shops, arcades and fairground etc so she could have some time to herself. I know yours is younger op but I too would be suggesting she can bring a friend. Otherwise I'd probably leave her at home or she'll ruin the day for everyone.

[FlowersAndShit]

Tell her she can bring a friend. They will have fun and it's a good compromise.

[ScarlettSahara]

I can see both sides here. Have occasionally locked horns here and then realised I had to backpeddle and relinquish the idea of " family time " . Not really a control thing with me- just aware of years passing and wanting to continue with family experiences a bit longer IYSWIM.

So what I have done is given up zoo which DD has now said she is against on principle & I see her point. We all get chances to choose what we do. Every now & then If DD has had quite a lot of concessions I do say we need to do something as a family now & she will agree and enjoy it.

I wouldn't force something that would be hated but perhaps offer friend to accompany & try & jazz it up with some enjoyable element for everyone (most teen girls I know like a mooch about the shops, playing the arcades etc) They do need their alone time too and to feel they have more say rather than feel they are being dictated to.Pulling away & seeking out friends is all part & parcel of becoming independant I guess. (Not easy & I frequently feel I get things wrong)

I am chuckling at the nightmarish bike rides and walks!

Hope you work something out OP & that you are able to enjoy the day.

[ilovesooty]

Well green18 no one was forcing you to read it or comment. I thought it was interesting.

[Karoleann]

I'd leave her too, but I'd also remove the computer wiry thing from the wifi as mine would just sit on the computer all day.