...to "force" DD to go to the beach on Sunday?

[ArtyFartyQueen]

DD (13) is kicking up a right stink because I've planned a trip to the beach for the family (me, DH, her and DS (6). She says she hates the sand and is saying she will refuse to go on Sunday and will stay at home. I've given her some time to cool off and hope that she will change her mind, realistically I don't want to leave her at home and I want her to come with us and enjoy the day but don't know how to handle it. She is very strong minded (as am I) and we often butt heads. I'm already feeling stressed and panicked about it. Any advice?

[80Kgirl]

Glad to hear it all worked out OP.

[Beeziekn33ze]

Pleased for you all that the beach trip worked out!🍦🏖

[fatmomma99]

Witchend, if you feel so ambivalent, why bother posting? (joking!)

Glad your DD enjoyed day, OP.

Sounds like a result all round!

[Pomegranatemolasses]

Interesting viewpoints here. I loathe the beach, but do have a 13 yo who resents every planned activity until he actually partakes, and realises he enjoys it!

Witchend, this thread was worth reading for your post alone! You have a wonderful writing style, and I feel a huge affinity with what you've written. My DH is very similar to your DF, but I think I have ameliorated his worst points, much to my children's relief!

[SolidGoldBrass]

There's a big difference between encouraging/coaxing a moody teen and forcing him/her to obey. Glad it worked out well for OP and family.

But the people who advocated leaving the DD at home but switching off the wifi or otherwise making sure she was miserable at home - You are shit parents. You are bullies. DC are not your property, they do not need to be trained to obedience by means of punishment and cruelty. Not wanting to go on an outing is not bad behaviour, it's simply having a different viewpoint.

[AnstasiaBartAraminta]

Leave her at home. You don't need to smother her, she's 13 years old! I was left alone frequently from around the age of 9. It was only that late because i was paranoid. Make sure she has number in her phone she can call in an emergency. She'll appreciate you letting her make her own decisions

[Theimpossiblegirl]

Great news OP. Sometimes they dig themselves into a hole just to be difficult and it's really hard to get them out of it. It's great when we're right, isn't it?
:)

[thebestfurchinchilla]

That's great to hear. Sometimes they need bringing out of their teenage fug as they can't do it themselves lol

[ArtyFartyQueen]

Hi All....thanks to those that we're kind enough to share their advice and sorry for not responding sooner. I was working all day and evening yesterday so didn't have a chance to reply but I did read them all. We've just got back from the beech and I'm pleased to say that DD joined us with the promise of an ice-cream! We had a fun day and it was great to spend time all together and she coped with the sand really well, getting stuck into helping build sandcastles etc. Not sure if she will want to come on a regular basis with us but I think we made the right decision to encourage her to come today!

[80Kgirl]

I think I may be married to you DF witchend!

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

"witchend - That post is too long for a Sat night. sorry but cba to read it."

What tosh, green. You cba to read a few paragraphs, but can be arsed to post a snotty comment.

Well - it was your loss - I agree with Thumbwitch about Witchend's writing style - it is witty and intelligent. Yours, on the other hand....

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Witchend - you have a great writing style! I can feel the horror of the walk emanating off your post. Shame some people "CBA" to read it

[thebestfurchinchilla]

Definitely take the wifi with you if she is staying at home. bet she'll want to come then, mine would.

[Mycraneisfixed]

Did OP bother to read any of this??

[Bluetrews25]

Wow epic story about the walk. I feel your pain.
Please let her choose to stay at home if she wants to, OP, and don't derail the wifi.
Or perhaps you might like to take her to a stately home instead? I hope not!

[elephantoverthehill]

Witchend Our family holidays were so like this, but mostly in N. Wales. We were allowed to go to the beach on certain days but only when the mist was very low. You were lucky to have something to almost drink. Our parents took apples to give us, both food and water. No such thing as hydration in the 70's. When we did go to the continent and walked to the foot of the Eiger, we ended up above the snowline, sheltering in a shepherd's hut. All DPs had brought was a flask of black coffee. Sorry to derail OP but perhaps if you tell DD some of the Witchend stories, she might see the beach as a bit of a godsend.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

Witchend any chance our dad's are related?! My dad was always obsessed with nice, long family walks at every possible opportunity!

[nooka]

Lol Witchend my parents didn't do weekend walks (than goodness!) but every holiday was focused on hill walking. Which wasn't so bad when it was in the Alps or Pyrenees but the 'great' walks in the Lake District had the added bonus of general drizzle working up to full on cloud at the top, and I would have envied you your squash as we had water (parents had whisky!)

It did get better when BIL joined the family as he was ex army and much much better at trip planning and map reading! Too many walks before that involved a torch...

But then having longed for beach holidays as a child I discovered later that I hated them as sitting on the beach is just so boring!

[Karoleann]

I'd leave her too, but I'd also remove the computer wiry thing from the wifi as mine would just sit on the computer all day.

[ilovesooty]

Well green18 no one was forcing you to read it or comment. I thought it was interesting.

[ScarlettSahara]

I can see both sides here. Have occasionally locked horns here and then realised I had to backpeddle and relinquish the idea of " family time " . Not really a control thing with me- just aware of years passing and wanting to continue with family experiences a bit longer IYSWIM.

So what I have done is given up zoo which DD has now said she is against on principle & I see her point. We all get chances to choose what we do. Every now & then If DD has had quite a lot of concessions I do say we need to do something as a family now & she will agree and enjoy it.

I wouldn't force something that would be hated but perhaps offer friend to accompany & try & jazz it up with some enjoyable element for everyone (most teen girls I know like a mooch about the shops, playing the arcades etc) They do need their alone time too and to feel they have more say rather than feel they are being dictated to.Pulling away & seeking out friends is all part & parcel of becoming independant I guess. (Not easy & I frequently feel I get things wrong)

I am chuckling at the nightmarish bike rides and walks!

Hope you work something out OP & that you are able to enjoy the day.

[FlowersAndShit]

Tell her she can bring a friend. They will have fun and it's a good compromise.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

16yo dsd was more than happy to come to the beach with us and her 5yo brother. She asked to bring a friend and we said fine. They spent most of the time just sunbathing, but we did drop them down the road later near to the shops, arcades and fairground etc so she could have some time to herself. I know yours is younger op but I too would be suggesting she can bring a friend. Otherwise I'd probably leave her at home or she'll ruin the day for everyone.

[green18]

witchend That post is too long for a Sat night. sorry but cba to read it.

[thebestfurchinchilla]

YANBU I have had this since around that age. DD is now 15 and would rather be at home whenever we do things as a family. But, I have found that she actually enjoys it if we manage to get her to come. I would definitely say she should go at 13. Still quite young to miss out on family times. Just tell he it's a family day out and you're bringing a parasol and chairs so she can sit and take some cool shots for her instagram updates.