DD has been paired up with her bully for overnight excursion..

[MrsDrSpencerReid]

DD (9) has her first overnight school excursion next week.

Today they we asked to pair up for the bus trip there and back. None of DD's group of friends are in her class, so she has found herself paired up with the girl who has been giving her a hard time all year.

She's burst into tears as soon as we've got home

This girl has been quite nasty to DD, calling her names and a few weeks ago hit her in the face with a ball at lunch. This was reported to the teacher on duty but the bully said it was an accident and nothing happened.

Her class teacher hasn't been very helpful either when DD has gone to her when she's been upset by this other girl.

AIBU if I go in tomorrow and ask the teacher to change things around so DD has a different partner?

The bus trip will be about 1 1/2 each way, but it's likely the bus partners will also be roommates that night, and partnered up for the various activities.

DD was already nervous about going, now she's in pieces about being stuck with this bully for two days

[CodyKing]

Is this other girl really a bully or is she someone with poor social skills who has no friends and sometimes lashes out verbally in frustration and misery?

why should this child be OP's DD problem?

I she has poor social skills then this should be acknowledged and the child given an intervention to help -

More than likely DD will be seen as the child with least resistance to this paring - with a mother who wouldn't dream of complaining -

I have seen this happen - and it's likely my DS put in the position due to others getting in first to say NO to X Y And Z on their residential trip next month - I'm dreading it

[MammaTJ]

I am hoping this is some misguided attempt to make the bully be less nasty them become friends but it will not work and why should your DD suffer, if only in the anticipation.

This should be something she looks forward to and enjoys! Not dreads because of being paired with a bully!

I bet you have paid for the privilege as well! Tell them you will not pay for your DD to suffer!

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

Has your DD been on her trip yet? Hope it went well for her and that she was able to have an enjoyable trip away.

[Lymmmummy]

Any update OP? Hope it's sorted and DD had a positive experience

My DC is only in reception but since the start of the year we have had issues with one particular child - it isn't bullying more a case of the child wanting to be friends with mine - but being a bit over boisterous/physical about it - several incidents happened all of which were brushed off by the teacher -

I was made me feel like I was "that mum" when I first raised it - eventually on the second attempt I asked to see the head of year - well she was useless she kept saying oh well if X can't articulate it then there is nothing we can do (eg implying I was lying) - sorry but the kid is just 5 - surely a teacher can understand children sometimes don't have the language to explain themselves properly - also the reason he couldn't articulate it was because perhaps there was a fault in the class teachers approach in that kids didn't feel comfortable raising these issues with her or were not made aware of what the right behaviour was in that type of situation

anyway at my request in the end the head came into join the discussion - chalk and cheese - she totally got it and understood why my DC had not verbally expressed these concerns to the teacher - said it was in fact fairly common - in the end situation sorted - now teacher has given son had strategies/actions for reacting when other kid is over boisterous with him, the other boy has had his card marked and I made a formal request that the children be put in separate classes next year. The issue that made it harder to get my point across was that my DC was outgoing and happy so therefore there was an expectation that it was impossible that an extrovert could have been suffering type thing and that I was generally a bit mad for suggesting it given how happy he always appeared.

In fact when teacher took the time and spoke to the children separately my son was fully able to articulate the issues and they then knew they were real and were forced to address them -

Point is that sometimes the right message needs to get to the right person. I am not a helicopter mum my DC are independent and I leave them to sort their own fights out - but there are times a child simply doesn't have the ability to do this - and this is where a parent needs to step in on their behalf. I think as a parent you can distinguish minor spats from things that are or are likely to negatively affect your child. If you think the buddying up with your child's bully is a bad idea - then don't let it happen.

[tootyflooty]

my DD endured 3 years of bullying at primary school, every other parent in the year group knew this girl had form, the school dealt with it very half heartedly, any behaviour dished out that makes some one upset or fearful is bullying, and I can't bear it when people play it down, I would absolutely insist that they are not seated together or have to share a room. You are the only one who can fight her corner.

[HairyMuffandProud]

I hate to be 'that' parent that causes trouble, but I really can't believe her teacher has let this happen when she knows what has been going on!

Your poor DD of course you must support her.
Of course she cant go on a school over night with her bully! Isnt it sad when a fear of being that parent overrides a parents job to support and help their dc?