"We need you to stay mentally well because you are a mum".

[mrgrouper]

That is what the practice nurse said to me. My response was "you should want all your patients to stay well, irrespective of whether they are parents". Perhaps I am getting offended at nothing, but the comment just annoyed me. Is the only reason I get treatment because of my son?

[princessmi12]

MitzyLeFrouf
Very valid on point statement.
Sorry but I find a lot on mumsnet people with MH issues actually being unreasonable in a lot of respects,but for some reason instead of listening to healthy reasonable people' advice just defend their own opinion and justify their own delusions.

[A11TheSmallTh1ngs]

MitzyLeFrouf

The truth hurts. The OP needs to grow up.

[MitzyLeFrouf]

A11 toddle off. The only think you're interested in is goading the OP. Well done.

[jessica132]

YABU. Sorry to say that. You're getting offended at nothing. :)

[princessmi12]

I meant :
A11TheSmallTh1ngs ' But I guess your children aren't as important as your pride is very valid statement

[fusionconfusion]

There's a special kind of hell for people who goad vulnerable people for fun. Enjoying it much, A1??

[fusionconfusion]

Yes, because sticking the boot in someone with a developmental disability who has said she had a horrendously traumatic childhood and has been sectioned twice is a sign of superior morality, whereas being confused and upset by a hcp's words in that context is... prideful.

Hmmm. Interesting worldviews there, people.

[Somerville]

A11 You're being deliberately cruel, and you think it's the OP who needs to grow up?

[Somerville]

mrgrouper I don't know much experience of this area to be able to offer much advice personally, but fusionconfusion post's look really helpful.

I can understand you wanting to be well for yourself.

[Italiangreyhound]

YABU. Being a mum is only one of many, many reasons to stay mentally well. But the health care professional may be tailoring her comments to you. Some people look after others (e.g. heir kids, their friends) better than they look after themselves.

[MattBerrysHair]

Hi OP, I have aspergers and mental health issues too. I'm also a mum. I think what the HCP said was spot on. I was wracked with guilt when I had a breakdown last year because I couldn't function for the DC. If I'd been childless I would have killed myself but I didn't because I knew I needed to get better for them. Children don't have a choice at how well they're looked after, that's down to us, so our mental wellbeing is especially important.

Ignore the negativity on this thread, you don't need to grow up and you weren't being proud. I understand that it can seem that we are reduced merely to 'mother of x', but the HCP's involved in our mental health care need to keep the fact we are parents at the forefront of their minds. Parenting is stressful, doubly so for people on the spectrum.

[squizita]

Yes, because sticking the boot in someone with a developmental disability who has said she had a horrendously traumatic childhood and has been sectioned twice is a sign of superior morality, whereas being confused and upset by a hcp's words in that context is... prideful.

I'm wondering if A11 is themselves vulnurable and combining anger/focus issues with a bit of a 'good girl syndrome'.

Otherwise they are just goady and need an outlet like th Daily Mail comments.

[Citizensmith1]

A lot of people on this thread clearly have no idea what it's like to have aspergers or other conditions.

It's fine to disagree with someone regardless of their mental health condition, it's how it's said and done.

Some people on this thread, and others I've read seem to pounce on certain posters in a nasty, smug and vindictive way and it's revolting. I feel sorry for their children growing up with parents that are rude, sarcastic and intolerant and clearly have no empathy. EG;

'Oh and given that you've already called up the social worker screaming and ranting over her report, I think it's really smart and a great idea to pick fights with every single person you meet and try to make enemies of all of them'

You could have said that in so many other different ways that weren't offensive.

OP I'm glad some people here are supportive I suppose the best thing to do is pity the ones that can't give constructive criticism it says more about them than it does about you. Take care of yourself.

[frumplstilskin]

I can understand why you felt that way but (and it may be emotional blackmail) we do things for our children we wouldn't do for ourselves. All the time.

[mawbroon]

Those of you who have never had to deal with mental health professionals may not realise that some (not all) of them are quite frankly fucking patronising and speak to you like you're an idiot.

It may seem reasonable on the surface what the HCP said, but we have no idea how it was said or if it was said in a certain tone with a and a look.

It happens. Believe me.

[curren]

maw in the same respect, we don't know what tone it was said in, so may not have been condescending.

[mawbroon]

"but we have no idea how it was said" is in my post

[WhereYouLeftIt]

mirtle Fri 27-May-16 12:28:57
"I think when I have mental health problems, the last person I feel like doing anything for is myself. I'm guessing but I think it's probably a motivational thing and she was trying to be helpful."
I agree with this. The nurse will be trying to motivate you, to encourage you to accept treatment. It's far from unknown for parents to feed their kids whilst they pretend they're not hungry, to have holes in their shoes but spend what little they have on their children's Christmas present. Th e nurse was trying to tap into that, to reinforce your desire to get well by giving you something you can hold onto in the tough times.


Hang in there OP.

[mrgrouper]

I think A11 has far worse mental health issues than me. All that anger. Her poor kids :(

[maggiethemagpie]

It's not just mental health. When I was pregnant I had a LOT more support for my T1 diabetes than I had ever had before, I was practically ignored and left to it when not pregnant, but treated like gold when pregnant.

[Havingitall]

OP I suspect that your practice nurse would be mortified to know that she had upset you so, and am sure that she was trying to do the opposite - to let you know that you and your family had her full support.

A very close friend of mine was diagnosed with beast cancer in her mid-thirties. She was recommended, and took, the most aggressive treatment option. One of the practitioners, I don't know if it was a doctor or nurse, told her that she made the right choice and they would throw everything at it because she had two children under 8. Later she became tearful, wondering if the determination to eradicate the cancer at all costs was based on her being a mother - if she had been single and childless would she have had the same advice? The team treating her were mortified when they realised. They explained that they just wanted to assure her that they had her back and were fully aware of who she was (the complete person) and the responsibilities she bore - ironically in trying to assure her that they saw her as a person with her own history they had inadvertently given the opposite impression. I am absolutely sure that your practice nurse was trying to do the same by acknowledging your responsibilities and that she would be devastated to know that she had upset you or made you feel unworthy as an individual in your own right. My friend is five years clear. It sounds like you are in very good hands - be safe, be well.

[SisyphusDad]

I'll spell out my view.

You are NOT being unreasonable.

Whilst it's quite true that your children need you to to be mentally well for their sakes, it is patronising in the extreme for her (I assume) to say what she did.

As you say, mental health problems should be treated with due regard irrespective of the person's family circumstances. Bringing up children whilst you have mental health problems is a massive challenge but 'just' living with them is not a walk in the park either.

I dream of the day when mental health issues are accorded anything like parity with physical ones, both financially and socially - mental health seems to be the last area where disparaging humour seems acceptable.

Sorry for the rant, but things like this make me so angry.

[StrictlyMumDancing]

maggie has hit on another reason where this irks me too. Thyroid treatment is similar. I do appreciate that its great we look after pregnant women and new mums, but when you've fought for treatment prior to conceiving its grating to say the least.

[maggiethemagpie]

I think it probably applies to most chronic conditions physical or mental. My experience as an NHS patient was COMPLETELY different as a pregnant woman compared to non pregnant. I got weekly support/meetings with my diabetes care team when pregnant. When newly diagnosed I was told to go on to insulin with no information on how to match my dose to my food and basically left to my own devices.

Sadly now i am no longer pregnant despite the fact I have a small family I'm back in the 'left to own devices' category. So if you are continuing to get more help due to your 'mum' status OP, you are doing well!