"We need you to stay mentally well because you are a mum".

[mrgrouper]

That is what the practice nurse said to me. My response was "you should want all your patients to stay well, irrespective of whether they are parents". Perhaps I am getting offended at nothing, but the comment just annoyed me. Is the only reason I get treatment because of my son?

[AugustaFinkNottle]

I think it's a daft thing to say, but I don't think I'd be offended by it.

[situatedknowledge]

No, I see what you mean OP. You should get treatment and care because you are a human who is entitled to it, not because you are/arent a mum. It's almost like putting your mother status first.

^^ This. YANBU. I hope you continue to be well.

[BathshebaDarkstone]

I've had this when I had a precancerous cyst, from DS1's CF nurse. I think it means: "You have to try and keep well, or who will be there to look after your DC." It didn't occur to me to be offended.

[CotswoldStrife]

Were you not receiving medical attention and medication prior to becoming a parent? You say you've been receiving treatment for years. I don't think you believe that the nurse would turn away a patient or refuse treatment because they are not a parent.

She has a point IMO - it is important to keep you well for your son, as well as for yourself. As a PP said, did that hit a nerve because your response does seem a little sharp? Was it a review or an appointment that you didn't really feel was necessary?

[Floggingmolly]

Because your wellbeing doesn't just affect you when you have children; you have other people depending on you. Surely that's bloody obvious??

[puzzledleopard]

I think you have read too much into it

I am well and have been on treatment for years. She was just warning me about coming off medication which is totally unnecessary as I have complied with meds for years.

If she talked about and warned you about coming off the medication then she said on the end of it" we need you to stay mentally well because you are a mum" then in this context shes correct in what shes saying is coming off could have could have a adverse effect and not only affect you but your child.

I know you say that you say totally unnecessary as I have complied with meds for years but I think where mental health is concerned this is something they have to check that you understand each time they see you. My mum out of the blue decided I've been fine for a long time and didnt need the medication anymore she felt fine (but the only reason she felt fine was because the medication was finally at the right dosage) stopped and it had serious consequences. If she had of been repeatedly warned and reminded at her appointments then she may not have made that choice and Im sure that everyone they see gets this reminder and it's not just aimed at you, I wouldn't take it to heart.

[MudCity]

You are overthinking it. The nurse was trying to be pleasant. That's all. She was highlighting the fact that you need to be well not just for yourself but also for another person who is dependent on you. As another poster said, this has clearly struck a nerve for you and maybe that's something you will want to think about.

I feel for the nurse. She was only being pleasant. They must wonder why they bother sometimes.

[BuggersMuddle]

I think the nurse was probably trying to be nice and personalise the message but I can see where you're coming from.

I think society often defines women by their relationships rather than on their personal merits (and so you see 'young mum of two'; 'wife of' etc. in the press, where you don't tend to see the same for men). On a macro level that grates, although I genuinely think the nurse meant nothing by it.

FWIW DP and I have some similar health complaints and it can be interesting comparing notes on how we were treated as it can be very different. Some of it I think is an occasionally clumsy way of trying to connect (and it certainly sounds it in this case), but in other cases not so much.

[MudCity]

If this is preying on your mind OP, call the nurse and apologise for your response. It may be one way to put this to bed and stop worrying about it. The nurse might appreciate it too. I'm a HCP and I certainly would.

[iLikeBoringThings]

Ffs...some people just LOVE to be offended, don't they!!

[SemiNormal]

YANBU - you are valuable as a person in your own rights, YOU matter. Of course it is important to your child that you are mentally well, but it's important for you to be mentally well PERIOD.

[MatildaTheCat]

So in future you can expect the nurse to feel apprehensive and watch every word she says each time she sees you. If you are so quick to be offended maybe stop before you reply and ask yourself if you might be imposing offence upon yourself where none at all was intended?

In your position I would go back with a note saying you are sorry for your sharp reaction because you realise she had no intention to offend you. Do not underestimate how upsetting it is as a HCP to have this kind of hostile reaction.

[StrictlyMumDancing]

I get you OP. When I was pregnant and just after I had my DC I had all offers of therapies/etc. due to my history of depression despite not suffering with anything at that time. The sort of things I'd be begging for when in the midst of the depressions and told I couldn't have.

Though to be fair when PND did kick in with DC2 they did act pretty quickly although they kept voicing their shock that I had asked for help before I was forced too by someone. Maybe I offended them by realising before they did.

[princessmi12]

iLikeBoringThings
My thoughts precisely!
The way I interpret nurse' remark : You have a child and he deserves a healthy mother to take care of him ,so you owe him that duty to be healthy, even if you would not do it for yourself.

[MitzyLeFrouf]

Ffs...some people just LOVE to be offended, don't they!!

Ffs...some people just LOVE to get the boot in, don't they?

[mirtle]

I think when I have mental health problems, the last person I feel like doing anything for is myself. I'm guessing but I think it's probably a motivational thing and she was trying to be helpful.

I know my GP is very aware that having dc brings a whole host of things you have to do in a day whether you feel up to it or not.

That would be my take on it. I very much doubt she was insinuating that those without responsibilities are not worth the bother.

[BogOak]

Yanbu in the least. It was a stupid thing to say.

[soundofthenightingale]

I'm sure she meant well by it but I guess it depends on the context. But I've had a couple of similar comments from mental health professionals and felt diminished by them I have to say. I think you were quite brave to say what you did, and I think it was a genuine thing to say! I'm not sure why peeps on here so angry with you though (ironic).

[StealthPolarBear]

Completely agree op. A woman's health is valuable for its own sake. Ooh she was probably trying to appeal to what she thought would work for you iyswim. It's a fine line.

[StealthPolarBear]

Ps get well soon x

[StealthPolarBear]

Sorry, ignore me I see you are well. Stay that way :)

[AYD2MITalkTalk]

I think the nurse should be more careful. I'm absolutely sure this isn't what she meant, but a vulnerable person in this situation might very well interpret this comment as a veiled threat.

[squizita]

I think the nurse should be more careful. I'm absolutely sure this isn't what she meant, but a vulnerable person in this situation might very well interpret this comment as a veiled threat.

YY as a mum who had quite bad PNA I would have thought "if I don't seem well enough they will take my baby" and possibly started covering things up.

The 'ooh people love to be offended' crew are forgetting this is mental health not physical health and as such words matter - badly chosen words would be like badly chosen medicine; well meant but might have bad side effects.

[Bravada]

I'm sure she wasn't meaning that the only reason for treating your depression was the fact that you are a mother. I'm sure she just meant that being a mother is hard, so we want to make sure that you are ok.