Habitual Bike Borrowing? Grin and bare it or punch in the face?

[ohdogoaway]

So i live a few houses down from a nice family - three kids under 4. Every single day without fail, the kids turn up with their nanny to ask to borrow my sons bike. I don't mind the odd occasion but now it feels like they are taking the piss. A few weeks ago we went away and as a gesture in return for them holding onto my house keys, I very nicely told the mum that as her daughter clearly loved riding the bike, she should maybe buy one, particularly as she has three younger kids who would all make use of it too. I said they could take the bike for the week we were away, take it to the bike shop to get one of a similar size etc. I came back and the same thing resumed. It is really pissing me off. Am i being churlish. This is not a money issue - they are well off by anyones standards. Her excuse was that the bikes in the shop were not as good quality as ours, but I have bought bikes for my older kids from the shop and they are fine. I don't want to have an tension but i feel inclined to violence - please advise!

[QuimReaper]

Or, when your youngest outgrows the bike, take it to a charity shop in the next suburb, town.

That seems unnecessarily mean-spirited. Why on earth wouldn't she give / sell them the bike if she's going to charity it? I can see the OP's problem with this but I don't think she explicitly doesn't want the child to have a bike!

[Beeziekn33ze]

Quim - so you get a situation where the bike isn't around anymore. The other family can well afford a new one and a charity benefits from the sale.

[Dogolphin]

Get a cheap one from the dump and lend her that. Offer to sell it to the mum for more than you paid!

[ohdogoaway]

They had already come round which I when I posted. Yes o voice of mumsnet I do need to grow a backbone and I have made some notes from some very useful retorts offered here. And yes, the nanny makes my bloody blood boil because she just stands there and doesn't catch my eye as they all shuffle up to my front door. I will report back tomorrow . I am hovering between saying to the nanny please don't bring her here again to ask and telling the girl to ask her mum to buy a bike. The mum isn't mortified because when she is home she brings them over herself! And that's why I suggested she buy one . Was it lost in fucking translation. Was I too bloody polite? Yes I probably was.

[prettybird]

You do need to be more assertive and not so bloody British

You've let them do it for so long they don't even realise that it's not acceptable.

You need to say to them explicitly that you're not going to be lending the bike out any more as it's not fair on your ds as it means he doesn't have what is after all his own bike to play with when he (and you) wants to.

You can add that you're really pleased that the wee girl has enjoyed learning to ride on his bike and that you're sure she'll now appreciate getting a bike of her own, now that they know she likes cycling.

Smile sweetly but firmly and shut the door.

[tiredvommachine]

Place marking.

[QuimReaper]

Beez it just seems to be grinding the axe a bit not to offer them the opportunity to buy the bike - the proceeds could still go to charity if the OP wanted, or she could drop it at a local charity shop and let them know it's there.

Deliberately giving it to a charity shop in the next town is quite gridge-bearing!

[NannawifeofBaldr]

I would be surprised if "no" got lost in translation.

Don't tell them to buy a bike. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Tell them that they should no longer ask to borrow yours.

[Gide]

Want some choice Spanish phrases?! Does the nanny speak Spanish? Just say no, no explanation, no sorry, just no, never again, goodbye, close the door.

[steppemum]

I came on to see what you said today OP.
How did it go?

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Look up the exact bike on the Internet - you'll be able to get it online somewhere - and send her mum the url. Then say no.

Mind you when we bought our 3 kids 3 identical sledges a boy from down the road kept borrowing ds1's sledge (despite owning 3 of his own, all more expensive but apparently less "cool") I sent his mum the url of the site we got them from and she replied that it would be "fairer" if I sold her one of ours as postage was free for 3 but she'd have to pay if she only ordered 1, plus it was hard for her son to wait, and my kids should be able to share as they are siblings. ..

People are weird.

But we still said no. --Actually I said "Ah Hallo!" in an incredulous voice and she looked shamefaced and implied she had been joking, and we laughed and there appear to have bee no hard feelings... but that may only work in Germany. ..

[ohdogoaway]

My God people are shameless it seems - can't believe she wanted you to sell her your sledge! I had geared myself up for confrontation and had warned family members that we would not be lending out the bike anymore . I was so worked up that I was even looking forward to facing that angelic blond little angel and saying "No " (perhaps accompanied by sticking my tongue out) before blasting the nanny. But it was the rare occasion when they didn't come round. The battle commences another day but I shall update for anyone interested

[Lunar1]

Maybe they are on MN!!

[rumbelina]

Saying you don't want to be 'liable' is such a dickish thing to say!

Ok, ok, it was only a suggestion....!

[pollyblack]

I absolutely hate conflict but have also been in this situation with friend of ds1 always wanting to borrow ds2s scooter (but not wanting to let ds2 play with him!). I just say no you're not borrowing it, that is is ds 2s. Kids put a lot of wear and tear on stuff, i don't want our stuff getting wrecked/abandoned.

[toffeeboffin]

Jesus christ op!

Just say fucking no.

Nanny shows up at the door? By now I'd be saying 'Yes? What do you want?' in a super clipped tone if she can't even look you in the damn eye.

The when she started mumbling I'd say 'Pardon? Speak up!'.

Just say no. Then smile and shut the door.

No reason, no excuses, it's a bloody no. Anyone who uses a three year old as a bribe needs to have their head read.

If they have a nanny they can afford a bike. But that's beside the point! How does your son feel about the neighbours borrowing his bike? Poor kid.

[ohdogoaway]

Ok ok message received loud and clear. I will muster my fuck off you absolute piss taking wanders attitude when they come round (ironically it is day two/ three since they last emerged - maybe they ARE on Mumsnet ! (If so, errrr no hard feelings? Didn't mean to slag you off to all and sundry but you really did take the biscuit. I am sure you are very nice people but please just BUY THE KID A FUCKING BIKE).

[mygorgeousmilo]

YANBU they are outrageously cheeky! Wear and tear, inconvenience etc. Do you think if the bike is broken or lost or stolen, that they'd think of replacing it?

[CoraPirbright]

Have they been around to borrow the bike again OP? Or were they really mnetters who recognised themselves?!

[ohdogoaway]

Nothing yet - this is beginning to annoy me. I want closure. Maybe they are MNs

[NotYoda]

Claudia

[ivykaty44]

Say to the child

You need to get mummy to buy your own bike

We are off out with the bike in a little while so not today

[Frrrrrrippery]

Nothing yet - this is beginning to annoy me. I want closure

Me too.

[OTheHugeManatee]

What Frrrrrippery said

[pluck]

Outrageous that they come along and only ask for the bike. Do they never ask HIM to play, or just his bike?

I've been in the position of having to work around a tight employer, but a nanny has much more discretion than the job I'm thinking of, and should have the authority to distract the child from her mother's failure to buy a bike!