Habitual Bike Borrowing? Grin and bare it or punch in the face?

[ohdogoaway]

So i live a few houses down from a nice family - three kids under 4. Every single day without fail, the kids turn up with their nanny to ask to borrow my sons bike. I don't mind the odd occasion but now it feels like they are taking the piss. A few weeks ago we went away and as a gesture in return for them holding onto my house keys, I very nicely told the mum that as her daughter clearly loved riding the bike, she should maybe buy one, particularly as she has three younger kids who would all make use of it too. I said they could take the bike for the week we were away, take it to the bike shop to get one of a similar size etc. I came back and the same thing resumed. It is really pissing me off. Am i being churlish. This is not a money issue - they are well off by anyones standards. Her excuse was that the bikes in the shop were not as good quality as ours, but I have bought bikes for my older kids from the shop and they are fine. I don't want to have an tension but i feel inclined to violence - please advise!

[HoggleHoggle]

I get what you mean...seems churlish to not allow a child to ride a bike that isn't being used at that particular time - but the fact it's been asked for every day is just too much, and a piss take imo. Also, if it was damaged while the other child was using it, would the parents pay for a fix/replacement? I suspect not.

If the child asks you again - and it's shit of the nanny/parents to allow this - then I'd just say 'not today darling' and leave it at that. No lies, just that she can't use it today, in a very kind way.

[HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky]

YANBU

say "No - It's time to buy your own bloody bike!"

[MrEBear]

No you aren't being selfish. The parents are for not getting their kid a bike. When is the kids birthday? Seriously who is paying for the extra wear and tear and reduced resale value.

[Ezzie29]

Surely the bike will reach the end of its life quicker if it's getting taken out more often than it would if just the owner was using it so I don't think it's mean to say no enough is enough.

[LyndaNotLinda]

Well it's not your bike to lend is it? It's your DD's and if she doesn't want to lend it, she doesn't have to.

The nanny sounds really wet and the parents sound like manipulative freeloaders.

[PeterGriffinsPenisBeaker]

Watching with interest - we have a 4 year old opposite who just won't stop 'calling in' for my children and will Vang on our windows/wander round the garden etc. Even when she's being told no. I had her banging on the door for 20 mins the other day! Mums a touch ragey so can't approach her left I get nutted...

[OTheHugeManatee]

Just say no. Have a word with the nanny and tell her to stop the child asking. 'Because it's too much and we don't want to lend it any more' is a perfectly adequate reason.

[littleGreenDragon]

Say "I'm afraid not" with a smile.

^^ This - I've said it to other people's children and to other parents. If they push suggest again getting their own.

[AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou]

Trust me - i have thought if everything

You haven't thought of actually saying no though, have you?

What a bizarre problem: someone keeps asking me for something I don't want to do, but I refuse to say no. Help!
Say no, ffs!

[BikeRunSki]

Next time they ask, ask for a contribution towards a service and new tyres. £30 should cover it.

[bumblefeline]

Just say No.

I couldn't care less who I offended.

My child's bike, no one elses.

[Lunar1]

Bloody hell, I can't imaging how anyone thinks this is ok!

[ohdogoaway]

I am not usually this passive - trust me. Yes it's true. I should just say no. I just wanted to check that I'm not being a total beatchhh to a three year old. But the jury has spoken. I will blame it on my son if I need to because that's the kind of coward I apparently turn into when faced with bike borrowers. The mother is so bloody nice though. She is Spanish and maybe people are more easy going over bike ownership or something!

[AugustaFinkNottle]

Don't blame it on your son. You don't need to blame it on anyone, or to find an excuse. All you need to do is to tell both the nanny and the mother that you are not lending it out any more. If they ask why, use the classic "It doesn't work for us."

[steppemum]

say no.
If that is hard, say
Sorry it isn't convenient to me today.

That is harder to get round, and is less likely to get lots of follow up.
If they do say why? Then the answer is, because it isn't convenient. But why not?
Well, because today, it is just not convenient.

It is actually much easier to hang on to than no.
Practise repeating.

If it is your nanny lending it, then put a bike lock on it, and hide the key, and then she can say It is licked, I don't know where the key is. Leave her a note so that she can find it if she wants to for your son.

Or, you could sell it to her, for the full original price, and buy your son a new one. Send her a letter -
As your ds loves the bike so much and your were unable to get a similar one, I am happy to sell it to you for xxxx, so that you have your own, and don't need to continue to borrow mine every day.
Next time they borrow, ask Oh so they have decided to buy it?

[PestilentialCat]

You are not being a bitch to the 3yo. You are refusing the mother's request.

anyone know the Spanish for Not on your Nelly?

[QuimReaper]

My theory is that the family don't want a bike clogging up their hallway or something, and will avoid it as far as possible.

I can see how it would be a bit difficult if it were the mother asking, but I think even I could say no to a 3yo!

Say no to the child; don't explain yourself; let it get back to the mother that mean old mrs-next-door won't let me play on the bike any more; and I bet you a tenner you won't get a knock on the door asking why. Problem solved.

In the unlikely event that you do get a knock on the door demanding an explanation, say that the rate at which it's needed repairs lately has got out of hand, and you've had to put your foot down on lending it out.

[steppemum]

by the way,
dd came off her bike going a bit fast down a local hill (which she had been down loads of times)

She trashed her bike, pedal came off, brakes ripped off.
Amazingly she wasn't hurt, the bike took the brunt of it. Dh is dutch and a good bike fixer and he struggled to fix it.

If that happened, not only would you feel dreadful, but your bike would be trashed.

[GruffaloPants]

Just say no! You aren't denying the three year old a go on a bike. You just aren't letting her use that particular bike. The nanny and parents are treating you like a mug. Don't let them!

[Littleorangecat]

You need to just say "no, sorry not anymore". I personally hate lending things out. I look after my stuff and when I've lent things out other people don't do the same or just don't give them back. Put your foot down !

[AdjustableWench]

My kids would NOT be happy if I lent out their bikes to other kids on a daily basis. They've been brought up to share, but this is too much.

Saying no gets easier with practice. The first time is hard, but you'll enjoy being more assertive once you get the hang of it. You have to start somewhere, and this looks like the perfect opportunity! Just take a deep breath and say it. And do point out that it's time the child asked the parents for her own bike.

[NannawifeofBaldr]

With the best will in the world you are being an incredible doormat.

The nanny doesn't want to say 'no' to a 3 yo so abdicates her responsibility to you?

If the child has a tantrum that is not your issue.

If the Mother can afford a nanny she can afford a second hand bike.

With a big smile say "no and please don't ask again".

Time for big girl pants I'm afraid.

[MardleBum]

Speak to the mum and tell her to tell the Nanny to stop asking to borrow it. Possibly the mum doesn't even know it's happening and might be quite embarrassed by it. Just say 'Look this is a bit awkward and I don't want to sound petty but it's getting a bit out of hand now...maybe you might like to have a word with the nanny...by the way here is the make and model of our bike if you'd like to get your own.'

[ManonCrempog]

I'd say, "no, that's DD's bike, why don't you ask mum to get you a nice new bike of your own?" And smile and be friendly.

[cornflakegirl]

Obviously you're perfectly within your rights to say no - but do you need to? If they're using the bike at a time that you're not, and treating it well, is it actually a problem? If you have a good relationship with them - as suggested by them having your keys while you're away - then maybe they'd be happy for it to be a two-way thing? Do they have any tools that you'd like to borrow occasionally? I had my iron on time-share with my neighbour for a bit, just because we don't use it very much.