Aibu with dp?

[Nelly1990]

This is my first post so go easy please. Me and dp have routine of I do the dishes while she washes up but the last few days she has left the dishes until I do them aibu to think she should do them as I do everything else?

[HermioneJeanGranger]

Why do you stay up so late?

[HermioneJeanGranger]

Sorry, not clear, why are you the one staying up so late when she gets to go to bed?

[Finelytuned]

Completely with you. DP and I had similar issues about 2 years ago when I took time off work and ended up feeling like an unpaid cleaner. Can you get a dishwasher? Seriously. We didn't have room for a full sized one but got a compact which has a surprisingly large capacity. With the size of your family you might need to do an extra load but if you can get one I promise it will change your life.

[Nelly1990]

She watches tv all day while I run about after the younger kids. She has said I should be the one staying up late as she has to get up for the school run but I also get up to give the kids breakfast and get them washed and dressed.

[JinRamen]

Do either of you work? ( just if one is at home they are usually the one who does more.msoery if you said earlier and missed it)

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"She watches tv all day while I run about after the younger kids."
And what would happen if you decided to go out for a walk and left her with the younger DC for a bit? This is a serious suggestion by the way, I think you need some alone-time.

I think you and your DP need a serious discussion about chore-sharing. The fairest way is that both partners have the same amount of leisure time. If she is tired without exerting herself (sitting watching TV all day) then depression is a possibility and she should take steps towards treatment. If she is not depressed then she just needs to get her finger out and play fair with you. And you need to point out that her shirking is affecting you, you health, and how you ultimately feel about her.

[Muddlewitch]

Has it always been like this or has there been a gradual slipping into her doing less and you doing more?

It sounds an awful lot of work, I've got four and am exhausted. How many are at home during the day?

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Sounds totally unfair! How is she justifying this?

[Nelly1990]

We have 3 at home during the morning then 2 go to nursery in the afternoon. She can't justify it.

[MyNewBearTotoro]

How long have you been in the relationship and how serious is it?

Are any of the children shared children where you are both the legal parents or are some of the children hers and some yours with separate parental rights etc?

If, for example, she has one older child at school and you are the parent to the other 6 I can see why she might feel she doesn't have to do as much but otherwise she should be pulling her weight.

What if you suggested swapping roles for a week or two so she could see how much work you have to do and how tiring it is and vice versa? Could that work?

[AdrenalineFudge]

How did this happen? Sorry, but I can't fathom a scenario in which this just happened when there are 7 children involved - she must have always been like this or at the very least showing signs towards it.

[AdrenalineFudge]

Something now in your mind is clicking and it can't come soon enough! This just isn't on. Even without dc, two adults should be expected to divide chores fairly with some sort of agreement even if said agreement isn't necessarily vocalised.

[Nelly1990]

We have been together for 18 months but we are really serious about each. 1 of the nursery aged children are hers the other 6 are mine but she has been there for my youngest since before she was born. My kids call her mummy as that's the only other parent they have.

[NerrSnerr]

How long have you been living together? You've been together 18 months so I'm assuming not long? Do you have different standards of cleanliness etc? Would she be happy to leave the washing up and do it every few days but you prefer it daily?

[Nelly1990]

We have been living together for 18 months. We are both clean freaks so like to have the dishes done daily especially with 9 of us in the house.

[whois]

We have been together for 18 months but we are really serious about each. 1 of the nursery aged children are hers the other 6 are mine but she has been there for my youngest since before she was born. My kids call her mummy as that's the only other parent they have.

TBH I wouldn't want to sign up to doing half the work for a partners SIX children.

[Nelly1990]

She treats the kids as if they were her own. The kids are ours and not mine or hers.

[AyeAmarok]

Can you get a dishwasher?

[AdrenalineFudge]

So 6 of the kids are yours but you're very serious about each other?

I wouldn't take on anyone with 6 children, sorry but I just wouldn't.

Do you think she's starting to resent this situation? Yes she might treat them as hers but ultimately there's still the daily grind that's not fun for anyone - even those who have a typical 2.4 family.

[NerrSnerr]

I don't know your set up with work or whether either of you are able but would it work better if you had more of a traditional one of you goes out to work and the other does the majority of the household stuff? (Although I wouldn't fancy being a SAHP with 7 kids!!)

[brushyourtongue]

You've lived together for the whole duration of your relationship?

If your youngest child is 10 months, was that a baby you planned to have together then?

I suspect the realities of life with 7 children is hitting home. It's not something I could contemplate however much I loved the other person. Is there any way you can get some time just the two of you to discuss things properly?

[AyeAmarok]

I think it's unreasonable to expect a relatively new partner to clean up after 6 of someone else's children!

[MrsTerryPratchett]

She's gone from having no children to having one to having 7 in the blink of an eye. No wonder she's tired. Are there any plans for anyone to go out to work? Because that might be a solution to people feeling resentful.

[AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou]

I think she's letting you know that she's not actually into looking after your six children when she only has one, despite what she might actually say.