To take DS's toys to the charity shops without him knowing??

[redgiraffe]

I live in a 2 bed flat with 3yo DS and 2mo DS. Our flat has been getting smaller and smaller over the years with an influx of toys at Christmas and birthdays and also clothes etc for the boys.

I am sick to the back teeth of tripping over toys etc and it came to a head today when I tripped over a toy and fell into a chest of drawers and promptly burst into tears as I'm so fed up of my house being a bloody obstacle course and bursting at the seams.

DH has been wanting to get rid of a lot of older DS's plastic tat i.e. a car garage that is rarely played with, a bubble car that he used to love but is huge in our place! Also a jcb ride on thing amongst other things. I've always said no as they're his toys but it's ridiculous now and I'm ready to do a big clear out when he's at nursery without him knowing.

AIBU??

[NipplyNamechanger]

DC has no games console. They have an old iPad of mine.

[paxillin]

I have a toy quarantine. Any toy I think can go, I hide. Anything they ask for, comes back out and stays. After 6 months, unasked for stuff goes to the charity shop.

[pearlylum]

You may find things change as they get older.

DD has her birthday next week - she will be getting a laptop, a necessity in my view.
Last christmas was an iphone and DS got a PC.

[NipplyNamechanger]

DH and I run an IT company. Laptops etc wouldn't ever be presents. Nor would they be brand new!

[pearlylum]

So your kids do get stuff throughout the year, things you consider necessities I would consider gifts.

[NipplyNamechanger]

I suppose so. We don't have that manic birthday/Xmas incoming stuff issue others complain about.

[pearlylum]

I don't complain, I love christmas.

[NipplyNamechanger]

I can't bear it. Much happier without it.

[pearlylum]

If it makes you miserable I can understand why you don't want to celebrate.
The fun of a midwinter festival can last weeks in our home.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

All the people that magically 'disappear' the toys, when do you stop that and have them learn to declutter themselves? Because DD has been doing it herself so long that she knows the routine now. She will actually volunteer toys for other children. Because we started so young I think she is used to the idea.

I think of it as a life skill. So the sooner they learn the better it is.

[paxillin]

Kids started sorting out bigger stuff around 6. Before that, they would have held on to old plasters and sweet wrappers if allowed.

I still sort through stuff and chuck out broken pencils and free magazine-type toys they don't even remember.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Maybe DD is weird because she's doing it like a pro at 5. She's much better than me.

[pearlylum]

I think it can be individual character too though. I have one with a tendancy to keep stuff, another that is ruthless and doesn't care too mush about possessions.

[AugustaFinkNottle]

Might you not want the car for DC2?

[waterrat]

People are too attached to all this crap !

It is not fair ir reasonable to expect a 3 year old to make a decision about the state of the house.

Chuck stuff regularly....

[expatinscotland]

YANBU.

[Believeitornot]

At 3, I would never ask the DCs! Mine are 6&4 and I try and keep on top of it. I tell them I'm giving toys to other children but we don't have much in the way of toys to recycle. (Lego, playmobil - things which will last)

[DingbatsFur]

What about putting things on rotation?
I used to have 3 plastic trugs and hide away 2 of them for a couple of weeks and then swap.
Meant new toy joy (ish) but no toy swamp.

[Alexa444]

We do the whole "lets find some things to give to the children who don't have any toys." So far working.

[MrsMook]

We tend to do a big sort/ clear out around Christmas as DS1 has his birthday days before so it's an unpredictable deluge.

At 3 we filtered out the toddler toys that were of low interest to him and DS2. At that stage he would suddenly regain interest in something rather babyish that never had been a favourite.

This year at 5, we discussed it more. He was happy to talk about what was too young and what he was happy to let go.

Smaller random things like happy meal toys that he'd never shown interest in and lurked at the bottom of the box, we'll still clear- we keep the ones he does like.

He does remember the car track that got cleared out due to missing parts when he was 4. Even though we replaced it witha better quality one, he still remembers the original. He's shrewd with a long memory!

[TiggyD]

Take the stuff away and when he asks where it's gone tell him Evil Santa took it.

[prettywhiteguitar]

This thread is batshit ! I would regularly thin out the toys he doesn't play with.

That way it's gradual. You are the adult in this situation ! A three year old can't be in control of what is in your flat ???

[Pocketrocket31]

Do a car boot with them and tell him he can have 1 new fab toy with the money

[FrancineSmith]

DD(7) has issues parting with things, to the point where throwing away a sweet wrapper makes her sad so she closes her eyes and doesn't look while putting it in the bin. DS(12) is quite ruthless and only really hangs on to stuff if he plays with it regularly.

Over the years we've done a combo of sneaking out the broken toys/party bag tat etc, getting them to help choose things to give to other children, and phasing things out to the loft and then getting rid if they go unnoticed.

This evening I have sat with DD in her room with a good sized box and told her that if she can fill it with stuff to get rid of she can have the new barbie she's been lusting after. She's done very well and almost filled it despite fighting back tears a few times (we will continue in the morning).

It's been a real eye opener for me in the way she thinks as I've asked her to explain a few of the decisions she's made that surprised me. Most of what is in the 'give away' box (she won't let me call it 'throw away' even if most of the stuff in there is broken as the phrase upsets her too much) is not stuff I would have picked to clear out!

I feel it's necessary to let her go through the pain she feels at parting with things now, and do it sensitively. She is most definitely a hoarder in the making and, like PP said, learning to clear out your crap is a life skill.

[MakingJudySmile]

Three is a crazy age to ask a child to declutter!! I've always had a 'if it's no where to be put it goes' rule. When they were 5 plus they get asked to select x amount of toys to give to those who have less (the x depends on how much I'm itching to see go!)

The big toys they get given when they are small are a pain in the bum, especially if you (as I do) live in a small space. The stuff does get smaller as they get bigger though.