To take DS's toys to the charity shops without him knowing??

[redgiraffe]

I live in a 2 bed flat with 3yo DS and 2mo DS. Our flat has been getting smaller and smaller over the years with an influx of toys at Christmas and birthdays and also clothes etc for the boys.

I am sick to the back teeth of tripping over toys etc and it came to a head today when I tripped over a toy and fell into a chest of drawers and promptly burst into tears as I'm so fed up of my house being a bloody obstacle course and bursting at the seams.

DH has been wanting to get rid of a lot of older DS's plastic tat i.e. a car garage that is rarely played with, a bubble car that he used to love but is huge in our place! Also a jcb ride on thing amongst other things. I've always said no as they're his toys but it's ridiculous now and I'm ready to do a big clear out when he's at nursery without him knowing.

AIBU??

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

sizeofalentil do you think perhaps you already had hoarder tendencies as a child and that's why your parents de cluttered in your absence? I have one DC who is already that way about toys and clothes at 8. She refuses to allow us to redecorate her baby room.

[UterusUterusGhali]

Suite tooth!

Do you have parents nearby that have space?
I started taking the big stuff my mum got them back to hers to keep there. It meant the dc had stuff there to play with and sort of highlighted how a big present was a bit much for my space, without seeming ungrateful.

[PattiLevin]

Not, like, ALL his stuff....sorry just finished work drank wine >.

[PattiLevin]

Ds's friend's mum put all his stuff on EBay on pick up only and involved him in the process. Apparently he loved giving the stuff and getting his pound coins that he spent on some such bollocks. Might be an idea for later on but right now I reckon you can get away with just getting rid.

[MakingJudySmile]

True, but a once off at the age of 3 wouldn't be the same. Certainly not with toys the OP knows he doesn't play with.

[sizeofalentil]

MakingJudySmile - you only have my version of what happened though. If you'd asked them they would say that's exactly what they were doing. I truly think removing toys without explaining to the child teaches them bad habits eg. Piles of junk will suddenly vanish, no need to take responsibility for your own mess, and takes away autonomy. It's far better to explain to them that's there's no more room and they can either prune their collection or never have anything new again because there's just no space.

You want some of my chairs? Take a seat!

I had three sofas at one point too,: told dh it was because I had a suite tooth.

(He didn't find it funny and I sold two of them when we moved)

[MakingJudySmile]

What your parents did is wrong sizeofalentil but it's different to a occasional clearing of the surplus unplayed with toys.

I'm in need of a few chairs though...

[FunnysInLaJardin]

we have an attic for this eventuality. Its like the toy shop that keeps on giving according to DS2

[sizeofalentil]

I hate to be that person, but, my parents would do this to me all the time and now I am a total hoarder. I had toys that were special so I'd either put them back in the box or put them away after playing with them and without a fail my parents would throw them out.

Going to sleep or to see my nan became traumatising because I'd never know if my toys would be there when I next checked.

Talk to him and either explain you want to give it to little children who don't have nice toys of their own, or do a car boot with him and give him the money earned.

Taking your child's toys behind their back teaches them that their possessions aren't safe and breeds insecurity.

Seriously, I now own 18 dining chairs. If 18 people ever come over I'm making them each take one home as a party favour.

[MakingJudySmile]

Honestly redgiraffe there are many different ways of doing it. You don't have the space for all you have so you'll need to do it your way - which is give all the stuff he doesn't play with to the charity shop


Do you have anywhere you can put them for a few days? Be it under a sheet in your room or in your car? If you do then store them there for 5 days, if he's not noticed them gone during that period then off they go.

I can honestly say he's not going to need therapy or end up appearing on Channel 4 in 2056.

[startingtolooklikemother]

We were in the process of selling our house and put 2 big boxes of toys away in the garage to ensure it looked tidy when we had viewings. DS who is 3 never noticed, Anyway after 6 months they are still in the garage and will be soon be enjoying the charity shop

[redgiraffe]

Okay, I'm even more confused now! So many different ways of doing things!

[MakingJudySmile]

Three is a crazy age to ask a child to declutter!! I've always had a 'if it's no where to be put it goes' rule. When they were 5 plus they get asked to select x amount of toys to give to those who have less (the x depends on how much I'm itching to see go!)

The big toys they get given when they are small are a pain in the bum, especially if you (as I do) live in a small space. The stuff does get smaller as they get bigger though.

[FrancineSmith]

DD(7) has issues parting with things, to the point where throwing away a sweet wrapper makes her sad so she closes her eyes and doesn't look while putting it in the bin. DS(12) is quite ruthless and only really hangs on to stuff if he plays with it regularly.

Over the years we've done a combo of sneaking out the broken toys/party bag tat etc, getting them to help choose things to give to other children, and phasing things out to the loft and then getting rid if they go unnoticed.

This evening I have sat with DD in her room with a good sized box and told her that if she can fill it with stuff to get rid of she can have the new barbie she's been lusting after. She's done very well and almost filled it despite fighting back tears a few times (we will continue in the morning).

It's been a real eye opener for me in the way she thinks as I've asked her to explain a few of the decisions she's made that surprised me. Most of what is in the 'give away' box (she won't let me call it 'throw away' even if most of the stuff in there is broken as the phrase upsets her too much) is not stuff I would have picked to clear out!

I feel it's necessary to let her go through the pain she feels at parting with things now, and do it sensitively. She is most definitely a hoarder in the making and, like PP said, learning to clear out your crap is a life skill.

[Pocketrocket31]

Do a car boot with them and tell him he can have 1 new fab toy with the money

[prettywhiteguitar]

This thread is batshit ! I would regularly thin out the toys he doesn't play with.

That way it's gradual. You are the adult in this situation ! A three year old can't be in control of what is in your flat ???

[TiggyD]

Take the stuff away and when he asks where it's gone tell him Evil Santa took it.

[MrsMook]

We tend to do a big sort/ clear out around Christmas as DS1 has his birthday days before so it's an unpredictable deluge.

At 3 we filtered out the toddler toys that were of low interest to him and DS2. At that stage he would suddenly regain interest in something rather babyish that never had been a favourite.

This year at 5, we discussed it more. He was happy to talk about what was too young and what he was happy to let go.

Smaller random things like happy meal toys that he'd never shown interest in and lurked at the bottom of the box, we'll still clear- we keep the ones he does like.

He does remember the car track that got cleared out due to missing parts when he was 4. Even though we replaced it witha better quality one, he still remembers the original. He's shrewd with a long memory!

[Alexa444]

We do the whole "lets find some things to give to the children who don't have any toys." So far working.

[DingbatsFur]

What about putting things on rotation?
I used to have 3 plastic trugs and hide away 2 of them for a couple of weeks and then swap.
Meant new toy joy (ish) but no toy swamp.

[Believeitornot]

At 3, I would never ask the DCs! Mine are 6&4 and I try and keep on top of it. I tell them I'm giving toys to other children but we don't have much in the way of toys to recycle. (Lego, playmobil - things which will last)

[expatinscotland]

YANBU.

[waterrat]

People are too attached to all this crap !

It is not fair ir reasonable to expect a 3 year old to make a decision about the state of the house.

Chuck stuff regularly....

[AugustaFinkNottle]

Might you not want the car for DC2?

[pearlylum]

I think it can be individual character too though. I have one with a tendancy to keep stuff, another that is ruthless and doesn't care too mush about possessions.