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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD and the homeless guy

37 replies

Dakin1 · 29/04/2016 11:05

Please tell me if IABU about the following. DD is 10 months old and my PFB and I think I am possibly being over protective.

We live in a square with only one route out that is buggy accessible. A friendly homeless guy sells his Big Issue on the path between my house and the shops and I pass him every day. He is a really nice guy and I often buy his Big Issue and stop for a chat.

Now, whenever I walk past with DD in the buggy he enthusiastically tries to touch her (squidge her cheek etc). I am not keen on strangers touching her anyway, and his hands aren't the cleanest. No surprise really, he sleeps on the street.

When she was smaller it was easier to stop him as she was usually asleep but now she is bigger she greets him by waving enthusiastically and he always high fives her and shakes her hand... which of course then goes straight in her mouth.

I had the brilliant idea of putting a dummy in her mouth as we walked past so at least I could wipe her hands down before they went in her mouth. BUT oh dear, this morning he bent in to say hello to her and DD very sweetly took her dummy out and offered it to him (good sharing skills) he put it in his mouth (!) and did a whole 'yum yum' routine and then tried to give it back to her I managed to grab it before it went back in her mouth.

I have tried many times to say politely 'please don't touch my DD' but he completely ignores me and says things like 'Oh she doesn't mind' so short of ignoring him or throwing myself across her I am not sure what else I can do.

So AIBU and a snob? I realise I am prejudiced because this guy is homeless because I am sure the liklihood of her actually catching anything isn't much more than she would catch at playgroup. I just dread leaving the house now as I don't want him touching her.

OP posts:

BettyBleue · 29/04/2016 12:27

YANBU at all. He has completely overstepped the mark putting the dummy in his mouth. That is a dirty and very weird thing to do in my opinion. I wouldn't be happy about him touching my DD at all. I have complete sympathy for anyone homeless, but it's most likely that he is quite dirty, living on the streets. I suggest that you say to him firmly that you are not happy for him to touch your child and that you only like family and close friends to touch her.

Misnomer · 29/04/2016 12:33

I don't think you are being unreasonable. It's your child and I can understand not wanting people touching her - any kind of people. It's your choice as her mother. And the dummy thing is not good.

However, to be clear, people selling the big issue aren't necessarily street homeless. They could be insecurely housed, sofa surfing, squatting, living in a homeless persons hostel, for instance. So they could well have access to washing facilities (doesn't mean they use them but I guess that would go for lots of people). Street homeless (as distinct from just homeless) people may have a statistically higher likelihood of having some communicable diseases but that is pretty far from saying that most of them have diseases. Again, it's a fairly heterogeneous group for a start. Secondly, a lot don't have access to health services because of the lack of address so I doubt that the statistical evidence is out there to support the claim that 'many' have diseases so it's just an assumption either way.

babyboomersrock · 29/04/2016 12:40

the only other route out has steps so I can't take her that way with the buggy

Sorry - I don't understand this, unless you have mobility issues. Why can't you take the buggy down the steps? I'm not suggesting you completely avoid the man, but it would be a way of reducing contact if it's on a daily basis at the moment.

zoobaby · 29/04/2016 13:53

Yeuck. Rain cover is a brilliant solution. For sunny days you can get a sleep shade. Basically a big black cloth that velcros in place. But this guy is gonna notice after a while.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/04/2016 13:59

Eww putting her dummy in his mouth no you're not being precious. I'd have to throw it away.

Original poster

Dakin1 · 29/04/2016 15:02

Thanks all for the replies. Glad I am not being completely precious. The dummy did go in the bin! A family friend also sucked DDs dummy to 'clean' it when it fell on the floor before popping it back in her mouth and I hated that too.

I just walked past the guy again with the rain cover over DD and he didn't seem to think anything of it, just waved to DD from behind her shield.

It's not impossible for me to take a different route with the steep steps but a massive faff.

I like faster's suggestion of speaking to him directly without DD - I could maybe say it along the lines of 'DD has been unwell, it's best she doesn't come into contact with people so she doesn't pass anything on'. I would hate for him to think I saw him as 'dirty' he's a really nice guy.

OP posts:

HeresJohnny · 29/04/2016 15:40

I don't think you are being PFB in the slightest - I'd tell him not to touch her in no uncertain terms.

Pou · 29/04/2016 16:30

I'd get my phone out and pretend to be on it, engrossed in conversation you can just march past and ignore him.

Shame though, your DD probably makes his day. I do think you're being a bit precious. Although the dummy thing is grim and I would have binned it too.

Birdsgottafly · 29/04/2016 16:39

""I doubt that the statistical evidence is out there to support the claim that 'many' have diseases so it's just an assumption either way.""

We have a lot of different projects going on with Street Homeless People, including health Carers and collecting data.

It was found that Flu, Pneumonia, TB and Hep C, were at dangerous levels (for the individual) and a lot higher than even the vulnerable population, who isn't homeless.

What keeps us healthy is our immune system and living conditions. Young children have less of an effective immune system, this isn't being judgemental, a Parent has the right to minimise the chance of their child picking up a condition.

EveryoneElsie · 29/04/2016 16:44

00100001 I didnt say they couldnt.

As others have said to support me, homeless people have a higher risk for highly infectious diseases. No one who works with them would recommend you let them put your childs dummy in your mouth , or share a drink form the same can.

Misnomer · 29/04/2016 18:06

I worked in homelessness for a long time. What I'm saying is: A. Not all people who are homeless are street homeless and you can't assume that selling the big issue means that they are a rough sleeper. B. People who are street homeless do have an increased risk of infectious disease but that is not the same as implying that the majority of homeless people have an infectious disease (especially given A, which is that homeless and street homeless is not the same thing).

And I absolutely didn't imply that it's ok for a stranger to touch someone's child without permission from the parent, let alone suck the child's dummy.

TealLove · 29/04/2016 18:12

The dummy thing is disgusting.
It's unfortunate his feelings may be hurt but your baby's heslth comes first.

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