Is it unreasonable of parents to send their kids to nursery when they know they have colds? And AIBU to ask this?

[TheCatsMeow]

I originally thought it was, but when talking to people, apparently it's fine because getting the time off work is a bitch and the old "it's good for kids to get colds, it builds their immunity!".

That may be true, but I have a baby with neonatal rhinitis, feeding difficulties and asthma. What might be a mild cold in other children ends up as a chest infection and possible hospitalisation. I know people will say "well that's your problem", but is it unreasonable to expect people to think that there may be kids who are vulnerable or in contact with vulnerable people, and that sending your germ ridden kid in could have real dire consequences? I don't see why my son should have to not go to nursery, which he enjoys, because of something he can't help.

I wouldn't send my son in knowing he was ill, because that's how germs spread. AIBU to ask the nursery to notify me if there are germs going round so I can decide if my son needs to stay home?

[memyselfandaye]

Wait until he goes to school, he will catch colds every couple of weeks, seriously he will get over one, be ok for a week then start with another, and the little buggers pass them on to you.

It's a constant cycle, if I had to keep my own mildly asthmatic 5yr old off every time he had a cold I would have the school on my back for 50% attendance, and rightly so.

You wouldn't stay off work with a snotty nose would you?

[blueberryporridge]

I've got a slightly different angle on this. I have my own business and don't earn money if I don't work. Every time my kids catch something and are off sick, or pass on something to me, I lose working time and earnings. Unfortunately, there is pressure on parents to send their sick children to school either because the parents can't take time off work or because of the increasingly ridiculous pressure on schools to drive up attendance rates. The result is a never-ending procession of bugs and colds doing the rounds, some of which cause immune-suppressed people serious health problems (not to mention financial losses to people in my situation).

More generally, does no-one ever stop to question why it is one blooming bug after another? I keep my children off school if they are too ill or infectious to be there, and I wish we had a society which was better set up to allow the body to rest and recover (and to keep its germs to itself!).

[LaceyLee]

Sorry but I would and do, she has one every other week and I'm a teacher so taking time off is very difficult for me and I hate letting my students down. I get that it's very difficult for you but I don't feel like I have another choice.

[TheCatsMeow]

You wouldn't stay off work with a snotty nose would you? depends if I knew I was working with immunocompromised people, and how much public facing I'd be doing. I also feel people coming into work with illnesses is crappy, because instead of 1 person being off it goes around the whole team and you end up with more inefficiency.

It seems there's nothing I can do other than either put up with it or pull him out. I don't have any available childminders, because I tried that first.

[memyselfandaye]

I don't class a cold as an illness, a bit of a headache and blocked nose isn't being ill.

Vomiting, infections etc I would keep him off but never for a cold.

[Xmasbaby11]

I'm really sorry about your situation but yabu. If dd has a bad cold and is feeling rough I do keep her home, and I always follow the rules about sickness and diahorrea. However, if it's just a minor cold and nothing else, and she's able to join in as normal, she goes in.

[TheCatsMeow]

More generally, does no-one ever stop to question why it is one blooming bug after another? I keep my children off school if they are too ill or infectious to be there, and I wish we had a society which was better set up to allow the body to rest and recover (and to keep its germs to itself!).

I do agree with this. Instead of allowing people time to recover, sick policies force people to come in still ill and then everyone ends up getting it, and the person picks up something else due to being run down.

[memyselfandaye]

So the alternative is millions of work days lost if everybody took time off to "recover" from a cold. Instead of talking a few paracetamol and sniffing some olbas oil or nasal spray and just getting on with it.

[Miloarmadillo1]

I agree with the consensus that I go to work with a cold and I send my children to school and nursery with a cold unless they are feverish and unwell. My daughter was immunosuppressed for 6 months after high dose steroids and I took unpaid leave to keep her out of childcare, because it's not reasonable to expect that she could be protected from coughs and colds whilst there. YABU both in your expectation of others and because you don't have to send your child so you can work, you are choosing to send him so you have child free time.

[TiggerPiggerPoohBumWee]

I'm always a bit bemused when people on here say their kids have one bug after another, and constant colds etc. I have lots of children, they are very rarely ill (except the one with a chronic illness, and even then not as much as supposedly healthy kids o here). Almost never have sick days from school.
I appreciate we may be just lucky, but I don't know anyone that has children as sickly as those I read about on here.

Anyway, YABU. A cold is not ill, its just a cold. If everyone stayed home for a cold, the country would shut down every winter.

[timemaychangeme]

You're stuck between a rock and a hard place with this really. You can send him knowing he will be exposed to whatever is doing the rounds, or keep him out of nursery until he is hopefully more able to fight infections off better. Neither are great options, so I guess it comes down to which is the least difficult choice to make. Not very helpful I know, but as soon as children are exposed to other children, they generally are prey to everything until their immune systems are stronger.

[TheCatsMeow]

me there'd probably be a long term saving because bugs wouldn't spread as easily and people would be able to give 100% while there.

Armadillo if he doesn't go in for one day a week, I have no time to sort out money and paperwork, as well as do chores. I can't do it when I have him because he is into everything, and as a single parent I can't share it out.

Plus I don't think needing a couple of hours a week to myself is anything to look down on anyway. Most parents get that because they're sharing responsibility.

[TheCatsMeow]

Tigger I am one of those people! I couldn't go to nursery as a child because of a crap immune system and even as an adult a simple cold can leave me bed bound. My mother is the same, we pick up everything.

Some people are just sickly.

[toobreathless]

In the nicest way possible you need to get a grip.

And you can't diagnose asthma in the under 2s and certainly not at 8 months. It is normal to be a bit wheezy with a cold as a baby.

The world cannot stop because a child has a cold.

[TurquoiseDress]

It is unreasonable to expect parents not to send them in each time they get a cold or have the sniffles.

My LO has had lots this winter...I'd never be at work if he had to be kept off each time & I'd be unemployed!

[paxillin]

I keep them home with D&V and if they are so unwell they can't really do anything (only once with tonsillitis and once with an ear infection in several years). This is exactly what nursery and school want us to do. I would not keep them home with a cold, I don't stay home with a cold either.

[TurquoiseDress]

OP in the nicest possible way, your LO may not be suited to a nursery currently due the medical issues.

Maybe a childminder set up would be better, less contact with other kids & potential bugs to pick up?

[TheCatsMeow]

toobreathless that's actually a myth, about asthma. Transient wheezers for example is a type of asthma that commonly affects under 3s. They are just reluctant to diagnose it.

He isn't just a "bit wheezy". He has had breathing problems since birth, at times requiring a ventilator, and is on steroids and ventolin.

I accept I'm being unrealistic to expect him not to catch colds at nursery but don't downplay my child's medical needs.

[blueberryporridge]

So the alternative is millions of work days lost if everybody took time off to "recover" from a cold. Instead of talking a few paracetamol and sniffing some olbas oil or nasal spray and just getting on with it.

A sniffle is one thing. But a lot of the bugs going round are more than that - aching limbs, fever, congestion which can turn into a chest infection etc and people should be able to stay at home and fight these off rather than spreading them further. And don't get me on to the people who send puking children into nursery and school...

[eightbluebirds]

My son has had about 8 cold and infections since starting nursery in September. All most likely caught from there and unless he's running a temp or is quite unwell then i still send him in. I'd be out of a job if I was off every time he had sniffles.

[Singsongsungagain]

OP, I use childcare because I have to in order to go to work. You are choosing to send your child there so you can have a break. YABU. If your child isn't able to cope with the germs at nursery then don't send him. Take your break while he naps or when he's in bed. dreams longingly of this magical break of which you speak

[imwithspud]

Doesn't your DS nap or go to bed at night? Surely you have time to sort finances or get chores done then?

[toobreathless]

catsmeow you are referring to viral induced wheeze. It is absolutely NOT a 'type of asthma' though a certain percentage will go on to develop asthma.

If your childs health is that precarious then don't send him to nursery! Consider a childminder?

[TheCatsMeow]

He rarely naps and doesn't sleep reliably, so I have no time to do anything. It's intense with him.

Ah so we're back to parents having some time to be adults doing adult things (like chores) is a luxury. If I didn't have this, I wouldn't be able to sort anything out. I also would probably go insane from not having an hour where my attention isn't required. I don't think it's unreasonable to need a day to get things done when you have a high needs baby.

[toobreathless]

And at 8 months when you say yourself that he doesn't NEED to go. I would suggest that you are the unreasonable one for not keeping him at home if the impact is that great on his health.