Is it unreasonable of parents to send their kids to nursery when they know they have colds? And AIBU to ask this?

[TheCatsMeow]

I originally thought it was, but when talking to people, apparently it's fine because getting the time off work is a bitch and the old "it's good for kids to get colds, it builds their immunity!".

That may be true, but I have a baby with neonatal rhinitis, feeding difficulties and asthma. What might be a mild cold in other children ends up as a chest infection and possible hospitalisation. I know people will say "well that's your problem", but is it unreasonable to expect people to think that there may be kids who are vulnerable or in contact with vulnerable people, and that sending your germ ridden kid in could have real dire consequences? I don't see why my son should have to not go to nursery, which he enjoys, because of something he can't help.

I wouldn't send my son in knowing he was ill, because that's how germs spread. AIBU to ask the nursery to notify me if there are germs going round so I can decide if my son needs to stay home?

[Witchend]

I would suspect that October through to May there will be at least one child with a cold at any time in the nursery.
In fact my dsis, right the way through childhood only got one cold a year... It just lasted October to May ( said by mean sister who isn't susceptible to colds )

What I would (and have done) do in your situation when ds was coming up for a general anaesthetic, is take him out of preschool for the fortnight before he needed it to reduce down the chance of him catching anything.
Not particularly colds though, they told me they'd operate through a normal cold without concerns.

In fact, as I assume you're back to work with the three days a week, I would suggest you give a push to get it done before then in the summer months, as once you're working it would be harder to keep him off for a fortnight.

[thebestfurchinchilla]

I would perhaps speak with the consultant/GP. Surely if your DCs condition was that serious they would advise you remove him from nursery. If course you are very anxious and you may be overly cautious, understandably.

[Sirzy]

As much as I sympathise it is impossible to keep a child off every time they have a mild cold. Completly impractical. Fevers, most infections etc fair enough keep them off but otherwise if they are happy in themselves send them in.

I say that as the mum of a 6 year old with brittle asthma and other health problems, his school attendance is currently under 70% because he spends so much time ill BUT I don't expect others to keep their mildly ill children off school just because the same bug will be worse for him. It's horrible don't get me wrong but unfortunately that's life and unless you live in a plastic bubble then will come in contact with colds,

[SerenityReynolds]

Sorry, but YABU. Toddlers constantly have sniffles, without being unwell enough to keep them off nursery. It just isn't practical for most people to take time off work for every single minor ailment their child may come down with. None of us would ever be at work!

[ilovesooty]

It sounds as if you send him to nursery a day a week for your benefit rather than because it's necessary.

Totally unrealistic to expect all people with mild colds to stay at home.

[KondosSecretJunkRoom]

Op

It is awful watching your baby struggling to breathe and I have spent many hours as I sat in hospital keeping an eye on dc's rib recession silently spilling venom in irrational hatred at every fucking bio hazard that ever crossed my baby's path.

I gave up taking my dc to every baby group in his first year, I put off going to work for a further year ( I'm not recommending that or suggesting you should but I just couldn't work out how I could make it work any other way and by that point I was a nervous wreck) I'm not sure what I thought the end point would be if his breathing hadn't started to improve - home school, I suppose.

Anyway, YABU but I know it's frustrating.

[NotMeNotYouNotAnyone]

Unfortunately it's not practical to keep sniffly but otherwise well babies an toddlers home. Of course if they are unwell in themselves or have d&v they should not be at nursery though

I feel for you and your DC's situation but it may be that a Petri dish nursery isn't the right place while he's so little.

I agree with pp who said keep him off for a couple of weeks before he's next scheduled for a GA, to minimise the chances of that having to be postponed

[alltouchedout]

I'd be sacked if I took time off to be with my dcs every time one of them had a cold.

[ElderlyKoreanLady]

Your situation sounds hard but YABU. Children get colds a lot and most nurseries charge for sicknesses as they've already scheduled for the expected numbers. If parents couldn't send their children in due to a cold, many people would end up unable to work for a lot of the winter months while still expected to pay for childcare. It wouldn't be a practical way to do things.

[allowlsthinkalot]

I can sympathise op but think YABU. I used to work on a children's cancer ward where all the children had compromised immune systems due to chemotherapy. Any infectious illness would be isolated but even they said that colds are just not preventable and they didn't keep people with colds off the ward or get children with colds to wait in a different area of clinic.

[allowlsthinkalot]

I mean that colds are everywhere, children have them all the time and they couldn't prevent the children on the ward from catching colds.

[crazywriter]

I'm sorry about your lo, but if I kept my DD off nursery every time she had a cold, she'd hardly be there. I have kept her off recently because of chicken pox and kept her off a wee bit longer just to be on the safe side. I'd also keep her off if she had anything more serious than a cold like D&V or a fever.

Kids will always be in school with runny noses, especially during the winter. I remember at uni there was something called Fresher's Flu. We all pretty much got it just as all the universities started back and it was because we were all back together with our various germs.

Most kids are fine with the odd cold. It's only a small number of children, and unfortunately not all parents will think of them. I wouldn't have a clue if any children in my nursery had immunity problems. I only found out others had chicken pox because another mum told me and now there are signs that chicken pox is going around.

I'm not sure what the solution is for you here and I'm sorry about it. But there's no way parents can keep their children off just for a cold. Adults don't even take time off work when they have a cold, unless it's so serious to have them bedridden (and even then some force their way in without a care for others).

[BillSykesDog]

Really sympathise with you but as others have said YABU.

There must be some sort of strategy schools use to deal with this issue as it must become a real challenge when compulsory school starts. Have you had a look online to see if there are any support groups (maybe Facebook?) for parents with similar issues? You might get more practical help from people who are a bit more expert on these issues.

[TheCatsMeow]

Thanks guys. I did speak to his doctor to ask about whether he should be going, and was told he is okay to be there but to be aware anything going round may affect him more. So to just keep my eye out.

I understand that kids get a lot of colds, and I do know that it's impossible to always have the time off. It just frustrates me because I feel like I'm risking my DS every time he goes. He loves it, and the main reason he goes is for his benefit - I don't want him to be wrapped in cotton wool because of his illnesses.

It's a difficult situation.

[Gazelda]

I'm afraid YABU. But I understand why you are concerned. I'd lose my job if I stayed off to look after DC every time there was a cold. Of course I keep her home if it's D&V, chicken pox etc, but sniffles are a part of nursery life.
Maybe you could reconsider him going to nursery for the time being, until you have a clearer diagnosis.
I sympathise with his health difficulties and you not having much time to yourself.

[rumbleinthrjungle]

I feel your pain OP. I'm immunosuppressed and I pick up bug after bug brought home from nursery and it's cost me weeks of work time, it doesn't matter how careful I am or how I slather myself in antibacterial gel and wash everything. The joys of small children. It makes me wail at the tv every time that commercial comes on about washing powder "always keep out of reach of children"..... I try but it's hard!!

[idontlikealdi]

YABU but understandably so. DTs have very weak chests and every cold ended up in a chest infection when they were small but it is unrealistic to keep them off for just a cold.

[AliceInUnderpants]

YABU. People have colds all the time, and it isn't practical for children to stay home every time they have the sniffles.
I'm sorry it could have a bad affect on your baby.

[Mouthfulofquiz]

You are being a little bit U, as you have acknowledged. But I feel your pain as my 3 year old has been puking up all day due to a bug he picked up at nursery. On both Friday and Monday, his best friend looked like absolute death warmed up. Was still sent to nursery though. Poor thing was lying on a sofa in his pants because his temp was so high. Annoying!

[signalred]

No if it's just a cold of course they go in, I've got to go to work.

[coffeeisnectar]

YABU but I think you realise that.

My oldest was in nursery from 6 months old when I went back to work. In the first year alone she had endless colds, conjunctivitis (three times) and chicken pox. In the second year, more colds, gastroenteritis (hospitalised) and by year three was finally seeming to avoid all the bugs except for colds.

It's a germ breeding ground and it's not helped by them all shoving everything in their mouths and then the next child doing the same. Unfortunately it's the way it is but if it's any consolation by the time she went to school she didn't catch anything. She had two days off sick in the whole of primary school (7 years).

[Notso]

YABU My children have never been to daycare but still spent pretty much every October-March with coughs and colds. Once they hit 3ish they seem to turn a corner and there was a dramatic improvement.

[Sothatsflatwhite]

Sorry your son is unwell, but I think your expectations are a bit unreasonable.
Colds and bugs are part of the nursery package. It's impossible to change that.

Even though he enjoys it, maybe nursery is the wrong choice for him at such a young age if it makes him unwell. There are other things he could enjoy just as much. My DD caught fewer colds at playgroup than in nursery. Maybe a childminder is better? It's not wrapping him in cotton wool. It's just making appropriate choices for his age and circumstances. Don't forget he has years old school ahead of him. There's no rush to put him in that environment

[Mousefinkle]

Nursery staff can't take time off every time they get a cold likewise working parents can't take a week or so off until their DC get over a cold! So obviously YABhugelyyyyU. Sorry your DC has to go through this but it will only get worse at school... Since my DC started school it's been one cold after a bloody other.

[LadyMonicaBaddingham]

Worse are the ones who vomit all over the floor just after being dropped off and who then tell the staff they had been sick in the night too... Sadly NOT an unusual occurrence!