To just want an hours break?

[fuzzyllama]

I like to take the dog for his late evening walk for an hour, as it just gives me a break and some time on my own. I have a 20 week old dd, that doesn't particularly enjoy being put down, so I am pretty much with her all day.

However, when ever I get back home dp seems moody and can only speak in one word answers, huffs and puffs and seems irritated. He does work a full time manual labour job. I understand this is tiring. I understand dd can be difficult. But what I don't understand is why an hour seems like too much for him to spend alone with her. Surely he should enjoy the limited time he has with her ? Just leaves me feeling that I can't have an hours break.

[TheOddity]

It is fair to have your hands free and your mind off someone else's needs for an hour every day when you are not a single parent! It really is! DH sometimes tries to get out of the baby care and play with older DS but I pass the baby back to him because yes, babies are really bloody hard clingy draining work and anyone who tells you differently has either never experienced it or forgotten. Is he missing walking the dog? I would totally ignore his attitude OP because it is totally unreasonable. Is he having to wait for you for dinner? Any other factors at play?

[NickyEds]

Given op's dp is huffing and puffing and speaking in one word sentences whilst not stepping up during the night or at weekends I think he's demonstrated his level of flexibility and it sounds a bit shit.

[ImperialBlether]

My SIL used to meet her husband at the gate, with the baby in her outstretched arms. She'd pass the baby over then run upstairs and have an hour to herself.

[fuzzyllama]

Of a general evening this is what happens- dp comes home anywhere between 5-6pm. Dinner is mostly ready as soon as he gets home, we have dinner, we have a cup of tea, I take dog for a walk about 7 ish, always back by 8pm latest, and then relieve him of baby when I get back. I'd love to be able to get baby to sleep before I go out with the dog, but she will not go to sleep before 10pm. He sometimes takes the dog out whilst I am feeding baby to sleep if he wants to, he also works out doors all day, so it is not for a want of fresh air on his behalf I assume.

I'll be talking to him at the weekend, because what bothers more than feeling guilty about taking a break, is the fact he just doesn't seem keen on looking after dd on his own. If there was a reason for this I'd hope he would tell me.

[TheOddity]

A lot of men don't like babies, especially breastfed babies who really don't settle much for anyone except mum. My DH was like that, but now he and DS age 4 are best buddies and old boobybuddy over here doesn't get a look in . Still, you should be upset that he isn't willing to take the hit for an hour and let you have a break. Don't expect it to be a fun and pleasurable experience for him though. It is hard after all!

[toomuchtooold]

It's probably been said by now but he's experiencing cognitive dissonance about how much work it is to look after a baby. He's probably very wedded to the idea that his life is hard and yours is easy, but actually when he has the baby for an hour in the evening he finds it tiring, but he can't really complain about it because to do so means admitting to himself (and to you!) that looking after a baby is actually quite hard, and therefore maybe you're actually working harder than him, and actually having the baby for one hour is the least he can do!

[NickyEds]

Yes toomuchtooold I very much doubt he has the brass neck to say, "no op, you may not have one hour a day away, you must do the full 24 hours a day, every day, with the baby" as he knows how out of line that would be, so he behaves like a spoilt child and sulks instead.

[Cornishclio]

Of course you are not BU OP. An hour away from the baby each day to clear your head, give you a break and get the dog walked seems such a little thing. For those who say just do it when the baby naps so husband doesn't have to look after the baby this is so wrong. Fathers need to step up when they are home as bringing a child into the world is a joint decision.

I had 2 children with just an 18 month gap and my OH worked long hours but he would generally come home to a tidy house, cooked meal and I did almost all the childcare even though my youngest hardly ever slept. One day I exploded and got a Saturday job when the baby was 6 months old and said he could have the care of them for that day so we could get some extra money and I could do something other than childcare for 8 hours and luxury a whole lunch break to myself. He said it was the hardest days work he had ever done and was a much more hand on dad after that. Some men are not confident around babies and need a gentle shove sometimes.

[Frostybird]

Yanbu at all! We have baby twins and although dh doesn't do much for them through the week ( he works 13 hour days so they are in bed by the time he gets home) he does often make dinner and does his fair share on his days off.

I sometimes take an hour for myself on a Saturday usually just pop for a coffee or go and do the food shop, just for that bit of time on my own.

The poster who said your time for a break is when the baby is sleeping. Lots of babies don't sleep, some of us have twins and plenty of people have a baby and toddler. I use nap time to do the housework, prepare their food so it's not a time for me to put my feet up.

When I return to work I won't get the option of saying I'm too tired to do bath and bed time so why should a man be able to say this!?

[peggyundercrackers]

Yanbu at all it doesn't sound lie, you throw the baby at him as soon as he comes in so he is getting a bit of a rest before you go out with the dog.

How is his relationship with the baby at other times? Does he take her over the weekend and spend time with her in his own?