to feel uncomfortable about giving Chinese names to my (future) children?

[Lilylo]

Hi all, I am aware that yesterday there was a thread about exactly the same topic, but the OP was apparently trolling so the thread was removed by MSNHQ.

However, I realized that I am very interested in hearing opinions from other posters about exacly the same topic, so I am trying to reopen the discussion (I promise I am not a troll!!!).

So, DH and I don't have kids yet but we plan to start a family in the next 2/3 years, so we started talking about baby things, including names we like.

A bit of background:

-DH is from a Chinese family, but he grew up abroad. On his passport he has English name + Chinese name + Chinese surname. Everyone knows him as [English name], no one uses his Chinese name ever.

• I am French, so on my documents I have French name + French surname.

When we have kids, we would like to give both our surnames to reflect the mixed heritage. We live and will live in the UK, so our children will grow up in an English speaking environment.

We fundamentally disagree about the name combination:

DH would like to name our children English Name + Chinese Name + Chinese Surname + French Surname.

What a mess!!! He says his family cares about having a Chinese name even though no one uses it. In this way our children would have names that reflect their Chinese heritage much more than their French heritage.

In my opinion the most balanced combination would be: English name + Chinese surname + French Surname.

In this way our children would have an English element (to make their day to day life in the UK easier), a Chinese element and a French element to their names, thus reflecting both their heritage and the culture/ country where the will grow up.

AIBU to feel like a Chinese name would just make life more complicated for our future children?

[claraschu]

Your children will probably love having a Chinese middle name, especially if it has an interesting meaning or significance.

You could also take an English/ French name and a similar sounding Chinese middle name, such as Lily Lee-Lee. I have several Chinese friends who did this when moving to the US. They started using a Western name which sounded similar to their Chinese name, or had the same meaning.

As far as the first name that you will actually use, I think it is reasonable to choose one you really like which works in English and French, which includes many English and French names.

[NameChange30]

MrsJayy
"double barreled surname with whoevers surname is shorter first flows better"
I disagree, I think it depends (on the names and number of syllables) and in my experience it sounds better with the longer surname first and the shorter surname second, for example:
Johnson-Smith sounds better than Smith-Johnson
Taylor-Wu sounds better than Wu-Taylor

However, Jones-Dubois sounds better than Dubois-Jones, so it really does depend...

[Goingtobeawesome]

Was just trying to help

[NameChange30]

Actually I think the emphasis makes a difference. For two-syllable words
in English, the emphasis is usually on the first syllable, whereas in French, it's usually on the second.
(Sorry for slight derail.. Language geek here!)

[DessertOrDesert]

I think they are better with the surnames the other way round, otherwise it looks like a sandwich of cultures. So
Oliver Xui Lang Biguet Wu
Lily Xiao Ming Poupard Huang

We have gone for English, English, Chinese, but with a Chinese name they are called by that side of the family. It's just not on birth certs etc.

[Lilylo]

As for the surname order, DH really cares about having his surname first, and I have no problem with it.

Also, it may importance to add that DH's surname only consists in two consonants, so most non-Chinese people get really confused about the spelling and pronunciation.

I can't say what his surname exactly is, because I don't want to out myself too much here. Think of a word like "mw", so really hard to read/ pronounce/ understand for most people. I am sure most people familiar with China/ Hong Kong will understand what surname I am referring to as it is pretty common there.

In the UK people get really confused about it though...

[DessertOrDesert]

I can make a pretty good guess at your surname.
Are you double barrelling the surnames? My Spanish friends got quite cross with the UK surnames thingy. They have /Fathers surname / mothers surname but are Sra. Fathers name when addressed. So Dulca Garcia Lopez is Sra. Garcia in Spain, but Ms Lopez in the UK. The hyphen will be essential if "Mw" isn't to be lost as a further middle name.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

If you are based in London people won't bat an eyelid at even the most ridiculous/complicated list of names.

It's really only an issue when people actually use them and as the reader you don't have the faintest idea if it's a middle name or a surname so hyphenation is handy

I would ditch the French surname unless you have not/do not ever plan to change your own surname. Travelling to France under your own birth name with children of another name is often problematic/delaying at French customs in case you are abducting your children.

Then it's simply
Name you like, Chinese Middle Name, Chinese Surname

So Oliver Huang Mao, or Oliver Mao to the rest of the world.

My DC go to school in London with lots of Chinese children / children of mixed European and Chinese heritage. All of which so far are registered with the school with English/European names and a Chinese surname.

[Lilylo]

"Then it's simply
Name you like, Chinese Middle Name, Chinese Surname

So Oliver Huang Mao, or Oliver Mao to the rest of the world."

tread but in that case my half-Chinese half-French children would literally have fully Chinese names, period. Where would the French heritage be? For example in HK most fully Chinese kids have an English name, Chinese middle name and Chinese surname.

I certainly do not want to make my DC's names all about myself, but hey, I am going to be their mom and I am French!

And yes, I did not take DH's name, so I feel pretty strongly about my children sharing my same surname as well.

[NameChange30]

LMAO! Yeah, dropping the French surname is a great idea

[newyear16]

I've never used my middle name as I hate it. It's on my birth certificate and my passport and that's it. I don't have it on any exam certificates, employment contracts and none of my friends know or have ever asked what it is. Your future DC can choose whether they use their middle name so I don't think the op needs to worry about it at all.

[MrsS1990]

Here's my take on it. You love your oh? Surely you should love his heritage to and want to honour it?

[squoosh]

And yes, I did not take DH's name, so I feel pretty strongly about my children sharing my same surname as well.

Good!

I love surnames that reference two distinctly different cultures. But most of all I love kids getting both parents' surnames.

[Lilylo]

"The kids have friends, born and raised here to Chinese British parents and guess what, they have Chinese names...and they're second generation. "

But you see vocational my DC would be only half-Chinese and half-French. They would look mix and grow up in a household that is frankly very Westernised (as I mentioned DH was born in Hong Kong but grew up in Australia).

Is it really so AIBU to want a name for them that reflect their actual heritage? Why would the Chinese heritage be more important than the French?

[originalmavis]

I wonder if there are any names that would work in all 3?

All the Chinese Chinese people I know have (or use) English names and a few have gone on to name their kids traditional Chinese names. One friend has a rather difficult to pronounce and spell name which is funny when his parents are called the equivalent of Doris and Fred.

[originalmavis]

And I 'get' you OP.

DS has a gobful of a surname but a very traditional British name, so he reflects perfectly his makeup. DH had had a lifetime of 'I say, your English is very good isnt it?'

[squoosh]

Personally I'm not bothered about surnames so if my partner was really set on a particular middle name I don't think I'd have a problem with it. Agreeing jointly on a first name and the child being given both surnames are my biggies.

[squoosh]

'Personally I'm not bothered about surnames'

Sorry, that should say 'I'm not bothered about middle names'

[foragogo]

perhaps I have missed something but aren't youbjustvtakiing about your children having 4 ñames instead of the standard 3. Why wouldbtahtbmatter as 99% of time they would be known as first name + surname like everyone else?

my DP and his brothers who are English all have 4 names, 2 middles names, bit nobody knows or cares about them and they are all known as their first names .

have I missed something?

[MajesticWhine]

Why would the Chinese heritage be more important than the French?

Having an extra name doesn't mean that the Chinese heritage is more important. It just means your DH wants them to have a Chinese name. Massive overthinking going on.

[MajesticWhine]

First sentence there was meant to be bold as a quote.

[honeylulu]

Our children have a first name, two middle names and both our surnames. We are from the same culture but had very different preferences for names. We managed to agree on the first names but then chose a middle name each. Could you do that?
You could choose a "western" first name you both like, bonus if it's one used in both England and France. Husband can choose a Chinese middle name. You can choose a typically French middle name. Both surnames.
Yes it's true that five names seems a lot but as pps have said, middle names are rarely used in practice.

[Haffdonga]

My dcs have:
my origin first name + dh origin middle name + my surname + dh's surname.

(My own name is even longer as my parents gave me a ridiculous setof middle names plus I kept both our surnames.)

We don't find this too long tbh, as we just choose which of our multiple names we want to be known as and all use just 1 name + 1 surname for everyday life.
A long name is really not problem.

I think you are complicating the issue by adding in an English name. Choose a French or Chinese name you both like and have that as first name. We are such a multicultural society now most people cope with a name of non British origin without turning a hair.