Family birthday party

[MammaTo2boys]

I am the youngest of 5 siblings. It is our Mum's birthday very soon, she will be 80.
My hubby, my children and I all live in the south of England. Most of my family live in the north of England.
Two of my siblings (they have older/adult children) have organised the surprise family party for my Mum. I am grateful for that with living so far away, However, the party is a 7pm start with buffet about 9pm.
There is a social media private message that has been keeping the whole extended family updated. I as a sibling was not asked for any preferences before anything was booked. This week I put a message on the private message as follows:
I've only just noticed the time on the invite. Not quite sure if my boys will come as a 7pm start is not inclusive for families with young children. Is there any chance it can start earlier as I am loathe to drive my boys on a 520 mile round trip in 24 hours for a function that's not starting til their bedtime and my eldest has to go to school on the Monday. I know I'm a pain but that late a start just isn't family orientated enough for me.

My childen are 3 and 5. I have been told quite forthrightly to put up and shut up. My husband is not happy and has said that he will not allow me to take the children. It is also worthy of note, that when I knew they were organising the event, I asked if 2 things could be taken into consideration. Firstly could the party be delayed by 2 weeks, as my whole family are moving back 'up north' that weekend or failing that, could it be an afternoon event so that it would be more child friendly. I got neither.
Am I being precious? It is a one off event and children are resillient or should I stick with my gut feeling and not take the children?
Would really like some helpful advice on which decision to make?

Many thanks

[Stillunexpected]

I don't think a party for an 80 year old, involving mainly adults, should be arranged principally to accommodate children. Maybe most people want a "night out", rather than an afternoon party, maybe some people are working on Saturday?

It's not clear from your post if you are planning on driving up and back in one day, either way I think you are coming across as a bit precious about your 5 year old having school on Monday, two days after the party. If you are staying over, then can't your husband take the children back early to wherever you are staying if he is so concerned? If you are driving back, then I agree you all go until the children get too grumpy and then drive back.

[Hassled]

How does your husband get to say he will "not allow you to take the children?". Mine would get fairly short shrift if he decided not to allow me to do anything.

I agree you need to suck it up - it's one night, they'll cope - feed them beforehand somewhere, find a family room in a Travelodge and don't lose sight of the fact this is about your mother's 80th birthday, not your children's routines.

[poocatcherchampion]

I want to say yabu because it is your mums birthday but in reality I can't. We have 3 aged 4 and below and they go to bed 6-6.30
Any later is not fun for them. They can just about manage it but it is really hard for them and us.

They don't sleep in the car.

I don't know what I would do in your shoes.

[OzzieFem]

I'm surprised an 80 yr old would be wanting to eat at 9pm and not heading off to bed. Most of the elderly people I know go to bed early.

[curren]

Ds aid always in bed by 7pm.

But occasionally there are events (their hobbys Christmas party for example) he stays up. Usually there is so much going on he is fine. Not grumpy like he would be at home.

He is five and we have always done this. Dd is 12 and she was the same.

School is irrelevant since it's a Saturday night.

Personally I don't get why it's up to your dh to make the final decision.

[whois]

I would leave the kids and DH ar home and go on my own. Cuts down on the faff and your young children aren't going to have an amazing time being kept up late. Not all children (or adults!) are sunshine and smiles hours after their normal bedtime!

If this was a party stsrting at midnight... Would adults really go to it? Might be a bit after your bedtime but you can just be flexible and have an afternoon nap yeah??

[witsender]

Yabu, I'd go up and stay the night and just leave when the kids get grouchy. My kids are the same age and I wouldn't think twice about keeping them up. I would prob go up after school in Friday, letting them sleep in the car

[WeAllHaveWings]

260 miles each way isn't that bad really, can you go up on the Friday night and back on the Sunday afternoon and make a weekend of it and spoil you mum at her birthday weekend. Maybe take her out for an early dinner before the party?

80 is a very special birthday, my dad didn't make 80, go with the flow, relax about the arrangements and just enjoy your time with your mum on her special weekend.

[Helloitsme88]

It's one night. I think you're resenting the drive as, if I read correctly, you're moving back that way in a couple of weeks so will have to do the drive again so soon. Believe me I lived up north for 2 years whilst my family were in the south. I know all too well that horrid drive!

[Only1scoop]

It's a long drive can you stay over and one of you can take DC back when tired

Any hotels near or family who can put you up.

[TheBoysMamma]

MammaTo2boys - In that case I think you should definitely let the children go too.
Hope you have a fantastic time and Happy Birthday to your Mum :)

[1frenchfoodie]

If the party was early on sat wouldn't you have a problem of a crazily early start to your drive after a school day? At least this way you can have a leisurely drive and can't family put you up for the night? Or, as others suggest, book a room for the night.

[Mookbark]

At that age, mine would have fallen asleep in the car, so a long drive is actually ideal before a late night. Take PJs to the event with you and a pushchair for the younger one, so you are prepared for when they flake out. Although, it may well be that you tire before they do

[DisappointedOne]

This would never have been a problem for us. This is the downside of a 7pm bedtime (never understood the obsession with them).

YABU.

[DisappointedOne]

DH's entire family are 260 miles north of us. The journey is horrible, but surely an80th birthday is worth it?

[Scholes34]

When DB had a big party (post wedding) two hours from my home and my DC were 10 months and 2 years, we popped along early with the children to say hello and then took them to my parents' (locally) to be looked after by a babysitter for the rest of the evening.

When I was 40 and my DC were 2, 4 and 6, they were on the go all night at my birthday party, which started about 1.00 pm and went on until midnight.

And in response to pps, my dad is 79, would not class himself as "elderly" (though we do to wind him up) and wouldn't have a problem waiting until 9.00 pm for a buffet, and my DD (18) frequently goes out around midnight.

It's manageable if you want it to be.

[Mamadothehump]

I really think you will regret it if you don't go. Mine have always been 7pm bedtime kids but give them a party and they are in their element! The excitement of it all will probably get them through and how lovely for your Mum to have all her grandchildren at her party.

I would echo pp's and book a room in a nearby hotel. Stay for as long as the kids will let you and they can sleep on the way home the next day.

TBH, I would have been a bit pissed off at the message you sent. You sound a bit precious.

[mouldycheesefan]

Give the kids tea at five o clock
Take some blankets so if they want to lie in some chairs and go to sleep they can
Obviously stay overnight with family or in a hotel locally
They can sleep in the car in the way back in the Sunday
It's not ideal but it's no big issue either

[Witchend]

At that age they'll love the late night. Book a nearby travel lodge and they'll either sleep in the car on the way home or go to bed really early on the Sunday.

Once the invitation's gone out you can't alter it really.

The message does come across as you expecting it to be timed round you, which you may not mean to. However I'm a bit sensitive about that as if dh's extended family meet up one of his cousins always wants to alter it to suit them. We're meeting on the May bank holiday and having got it sorted and a couple of people have said they can't make before 1.00 due to prior commitments, he's fussing about wanting to make it 12.00 (and a closer venue to him) as his dc need their nap at 2.00. Funny because he was proudly saying they had dropped the nap at Christmas.

[ridingabike]

I was in a similar situation when ds was small. It wasn't a special occasion but my uncle organised a family get-together and at the last minute I found out it started at 5pm (it was about 200 miles away). I decided not to go because I thought it was silly when I'd need to leave by 7pm to get back to the B&B to get ds to bed by 8pm. I cancelled the B&B and we didn't go.

I regretted not going and there's never been a similar family get-together. I was precious and silly. A late night will not matter once in a while. Please go.

I took my 5 year old ds to my FIL's 80th party which was an evening affair and he was fine. FIL died a year later. Please take advantage of these opportunities while you have them and don't worry about routine. Yes you might pay for it a bit on Sunday with grumpy kids but it's worth it.

[HopIt]

It will be fine, honestly. The kids will have a whale of time. Take plenty of snacks for them. I bet they are first on the dance floor and last off.
I took my then 11 month old to a family do and honestly he had the time of his life, dancing there are some great photos with family members no longer with us.

Its a one off, its not going to do any harm - probably the opposite. Its ok to flex the rules every now and then.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Yabu.
I think it's really precious to stick so rigidly to 7pm bedtimes.
At the party you will see plenty of kids sliding round in their knees at 11pm having a blast.
I think it's a shame that some kids miss out on stuff like this.

[WhiteBlueDaisies]

I think your DC will have a brilliant time, running around and playing with their cousins whom (I'm guessing) they rarely see.

I have young children with early bedtimes too and would get that sinking feeling in my stomach at being told the start time. However it's such a special occasion and will be lovely for your DC to spend time with their extended family. If it was a meal where they would be expected to sit quietly for 3hrs then I would say stay home.

Oh and Disappointed the 'obsession' with a 7oclock bedtime is that after they are asleep I can relax stuff my face with biscuits But agreed it is rubbish when actually want them to stay up.

[Ameliablue]

An earlier event might not have suited everyone else and putting off for two weeks probably not good either.
I would go, if traveling on the Saturday, the kids will probably sleep in the car and then be quite happy to stay up late in the evening and they will sleep again on the way home, no harm done.

[champagneplanet]

YABU.

Stay overnight in a travelodge or premier inn close by, have dinner out together at 5pm ish, stay for the night, enjoy yourselves with your family, let the DC's have fun and a late night, drive home on the Sunday (DCs will more than likely sleep in the car). Yes you and DH will be tired but to me that would be a small price to pay for a weekend away as a family/with family. Your mum is 80, cherish these moments.