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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to let my DD year 6 go on her iPad half an hour before bed and not to let her have it in her bedroom over night?

78 replies

Brighteyes27 · 08/03/2016 22:10

Most of my DD's year 6 school mates are posting on Instagram etc well after 9pm on a school night. Whereas I insist my children come off technology at least half an hour to an hour before bed and leave technology downstairs. As I know if I didn't insist on this they wouldn't sleep/relax and may message or FT their friends to stop them sleeping.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 09/03/2016 13:07

wow, MN oversensitivity at its best here. Expressing an opinion is suddenly judgemental. Tough luck, sweetybumps - it is an internet forum and opinions are allowed. They may not match with yours, go cry about it.

I don't give a stuff what you buy your kids. But there's also whinging when ickle preshus drops its brickphone and it breaks, expensively. That needs to be sucked up if they have expensive toys.

cameras are cheap too, if the schools REALLY insist that kids must always have the ability to take photos.

internet access is very important for adults, and some jobs need mobile internet access. Kids don't work and don't need mobile access.

they do need sleep, real socialising and exercise, and as a teacher said, the i-bricks blow all those out if not controlled.

CocktailQueen · 09/03/2016 13:08

Same rules here - dd is 12. no gadgets an hour before bed. Max an hour after school on her phone. None in her room. YANBU.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/03/2016 13:14

You have a really nasty attitude specialsubject Hmm Also confused as to why you keep calling phones I-bricks and brickphones Confused

Katenka · 09/03/2016 13:19

Expressing and opinion is fine. Calling people sad is judging.

Kids can have Internet access and get the right amount of sleep. Mine do. Other people on this thread ensure theirs do.

My kids also have lots of friends (in and out of school) and compete in their chosen sports. They manage this all with having Access to the Internet.

It's not mutually exclusive.

When has parenting ever involved only what kids need? Do you feed your the bare minimum? Clothe them but not buy any clothes just because they like them?

You never buy you kids toys? Or a bun?

thebestfurchinchilla · 09/03/2016 14:22

My 15 and 12 yr olds are not allowed phones when they go to bed. We don't allow tablets in their rooms at all, because we like to see over their shoulders what they are doing on it. The older one does take it on sleepovers because all her friends do so we know we can't control all viewing but we do our best.

Jw35 · 09/03/2016 18:00

Special not sure about your terminology but I agree to a certain extent. My dd had an iPhone last year age 11 but my younger 2 won't have them until much later. iPhones and tablets are very addictive even for adults.

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 09/03/2016 20:22

I'm a y6 teacher and we are currently dealing with what feels like a never ending stream of cyber bullying crap, Most of it happening late at night. Those without phones or who have tighter parental controls are much less involved and/or blissfully unaware. OP I think you are making exactly the right decision!

Pedallleur · 09/03/2016 20:31

Turn the router off.

Muskey · 09/03/2016 20:42

My dd is in year 7. Much to her annoyance I make her cough up all her technology at 9.30 on school nights (apparently I'm the only mother who does this and the reason why I do this is because I hate her). I also unplug the wifi at 10 when I go to bed as I think she has hidden her iPod upstairs in her room (she thinks I have forgotten about it but I haven't). As you may be able to tell I don't care how much she sulks or how much of a tantrum she throws as a result. If I didn't she would be up all night.

SueLawleyandNicholasWitchell · 09/03/2016 23:31

Crikey. It's almost like you want her not to be fresh for school and not to be over tired and in a crappy mood all day.

You heartless cow.

SueLawleyandNicholasWitchell · 09/03/2016 23:31

*to be fresh !

(Maybe I should unplug my own ...!)

Muskey · 10/03/2016 07:09

You have me to a tee sue Grin

22sailors · 10/03/2016 09:31

After being found using it after she was supposed to my step,daughters phone and iPad are not allowed upstairs on school,nights and are regulated if on too long at any time for the sake of her eyes if nothing else. She had a lazy eye which was correcting itself until the iPad appeared so we all have to be careful. I don't have my iPad upstairs at night unless I'm ill.

Kit30 · 10/03/2016 10:31

YANBU
too much temptation for year 6 and antexpect them to police themselves. we have blocked YouTube ( I don't bother but DH does) because I have Squiddy etc induced mummy madness thanks to Minecraft vids.
Noticed immediate difference in behaviour and happiness levels

kamarastar · 10/03/2016 10:38

YANBU at all! They wouldn't get enough sleep for starters. I have also been on courses and the school has invited us parents in for talks on this. Online can turn nasty, for obvious reasons, and can be a popularity contest for youngsters. I'm not for censoring in the day and my daughter has certain amount of freedom, as long as we keep having open discussions re: the issues... are the people following her who they say they are etc! But yes, there has to be a cut off point and time to rest and read. My daughter usually reads and potters in her room, tidying and decorating. things she wouldn't do if she had constant access to the internet...

fairymama · 10/03/2016 11:25

My 13, 12, 11 & 4 yr olds don't have their own tablets or phones but have access to a shared family tablet and computer. They have 20 mins each daily to do what they want on top of any homework. Screen time ends at 6pm. I know a lot of people will think this is weird and we are in a minority. And no......we are not Amish! However, after a lot of research, this is what works for us as a family. I recently attended a webinar on 'Parenting in the digital age' hosted by Susan Stiffelman (a family therapist & psychotherapist), with many speakers from all different backgrounds and perspectives. I think the sessions are now available to download if you google her website - it was really useful for me to affirm what we're doing and will be useful for anyone out there struggling with this issue to strike your own balance.

22sailors · 10/03/2016 19:13

I don't think i would be quite that strict but I only had 1 child as unable to have more but I would be stricter with my step grandchild than his mum is - my son is in an awkward position as she goes to her fathers every other weekend. However he has at times been tried too far and he quite simply took the card out so no one had any internet and phones were not taken upstairs apart from his as he has to for his job and it is 4g. As I've said before no technology upstairs except for illness as both eyes and brain needs the rest and the brain needs to relax for sleep.

shelllouise · 10/03/2016 20:25

My girls have a tablet each (ages 8 and 10) and my son (15) has a laptop and iPhone but the husband has set the network to restrict their internet between 9 pm and 7 am so we don't have to worry about them being online late at night.
The girls are never on till 9 pm anyway as we read before bed.

We don't allow them to use them in the morning before school either. I can't be doing with the moaning when they have to come off them to get ready so we banned them in the mornings!

Unmarriedhousewife · 10/03/2016 20:33

My Grandma told me about the blue light after reading an article about it in her paper a few months ago. My 9 year old dd has always had trouble falling asleep so we immediately put it to the test. Hudl is off at 7pm she showers , does homework , plays a board game with me / dad until 8pm. Then its grown up time and she goes up to her room to read quietly or draw etc until 9pm when it's lights out. She honestly was asleep within 5minutes the first night we did this. Naturally we don't always stick to it because of younger ds , late meals, other commitments but when we do it really works

Cuddlymummy77 · 10/03/2016 20:34

I don't understand why any child under 12 years old has a mobile phone, or a tablet either. My older children got bought a basic mobile when they started secondary school, they had a half hour home alone and we knew they might attend after school clubs etc and could let us know if they were going to be late. Primary school aged children don't need a mobile surely???

Unmarriedhousewife · 10/03/2016 20:37

Also, i don't want to ramble on but worth noting... I have a friend with 4 year old ds currently seeing a behaviour therapist for sleep issues. Up in the night insisting he can see bugs etc v distressed. She openly admits he falls asleep playing his apps. I'm very certain there's a link.

PunkrockerGirl · 10/03/2016 20:57

beepy-beepy toys stuff up sleep, children or adult
No, my sleep is great now, after years of insomnia and medication, the telly and the iPad have done the trick Grin So no, not everyone's sleep is stuffed up due to using technology in the bedroom.
The ridiculous terminology you've used on here is more likely to cause me nightmares than any beepy-beepy toys assuming that you're an adult and that you actually mean technology

elegantlygrey1 · 10/03/2016 21:17

ds is yr 4 and has to have access to the internet for homework quite regularly.

I think he is going to need more screen time for school as he gets older. I've no idea how we'll manage it.

Princessdebthe1st · 10/03/2016 21:51

Dear OP,
My 9yo DD has her own tablet and has for just over a year. There are pretty strict settings on it regarding what she can access (no social media, no app downloads without permission and website restrictions etc) and I monitor what she watches/ accesses but from her point of view the only "rule" we have about it is that she can't have it in her bedroom at night. Once we start our bedtime routine then the IPAD goes off and she then reads for half an hour or so before she goes to sleep. This means by default she doesn't use it in the hour before she tries to go to sleep which minimises the effect of the blue light and because this is the rule that we have always had she hasn't (yet!) argued about the restriction. I certainly have no intention of relaxing that rule for quite a few years yet and if anything the point at which DC's start using social media I think it is even more important. And I think expecting most kids to have their technology in their rooms at night and not use it is akin to putting sweets in front of them and telling them they can't have them.

Limurz · 11/03/2016 06:24

I am the same with my 15 year old. All tech out of room and downstairs half an hour before lights out. They need some downtime.

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