AIBU not to let my DD year 6 go on her iPad half an hour before bed and not to let her have it in her bedroom over night?

[Brighteyes27]

Most of my DD's year 6 school mates are posting on Instagram etc well after 9pm on a school night. Whereas I insist my children come off technology at least half an hour to an hour before bed and leave technology downstairs. As I know if I didn't insist on this they wouldn't sleep/relax and may message or FT their friends to stop them sleeping.

[Fairylea]

I don't like the idea of kids having gadgets in bedrooms overnight. I think they tend to read more if you take their iPads off them an hour before bed and say they have to charge them in the kitchen downstairs and then they go to bed and can read before sleep if they're bored. I know if my dd (13) could have her iPad in bed she would be up chatting to her friends all night on iMessage rather than reading - at the moment she is reading the diary of Anne Frank which I know she wouldn't read if she had her iPad all the time. I know everyone has different views but personally I think reading gets overlooked so much now in favour of vlogs and flicking between messages etc.

[lavenderdoilly]

Turn off your router or change the password.

[Brighteyes27]

Yes ginger my 11 year old walks to and from school most days. The phone is useful way of communicating if they take a de-tour to the sweet shop or stay behind as someone has lost something or to let me know they are late out of school etc.

At school they often have technology days at the end of term when 100% of children at my children's school take in iPads, tablets, iPads or phones. I don't mind as I can see what my DD is putting up and I can see her messages. But some of her friends take/post pouty selfies, take photos of what they bought on a trip to town (one girl is so spoilt it's untrue), also recently some are mimicking older friends/cousins behaviour and posting pictures off the Internet or chopping cutting others out of photos and tagging in people in their clique etc.

Both my children are avid readers and I know this would stop if they were allowed technology upstairs at bed time or they would be less ready to relax/sleep if on the iPad too late at night etc.

[MrsFrisbyMouse]

YANBU - no electronic devices 1/2 hour before bedtime (including TV!)
And all electronic devices charge downstairs overnight.

I've been through the teen years with one child already - and this time round I am applying lessons learnt! You need to set the expectations early so that it's established before the desire really kicks in later.

Kids need to be disconnected from the 'hive' to give their brains a rest. otherwise they live in a constant state of 'must be available to stoke whatever crisis x friend is having' or 'i might miss something important' (Important being defined as whether x has changed her hair colour or not!')

[TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief]

Very wise op.
I think I should apply that rule to the adults in my house too

[Werksallhourz]

The ADHD nurse who works with some of our children warns that the blue light from screens such as phone and iPad interferes with the production of melatonin, which your body produces to help you sleep.

Oh crikey, yes. I always knew this, but a personal experiment over the last fortnight has had some alarming results (I decided to try out some of Jack kruse's theories).

Evenings where I had no electronic screens after 6pm and kept low light in the house (I even had a shower in the dark) , I fell asleep by 10pm and woke at 5am.

I need to point out here that I have been a chronic insomnia sufferer for years.

Evenings where I had screen exposure until 9pm, I couldn't fall asleep until 11.30pm. Evenings where I had screen exposure until 10pm or later, I would struggle to fall asleep before 3am.

It is only my n=1 but I was astonished at the effect electronic light had on my sleep patterns and ability to wake. It made me realise the extent to which light cues govern the body's responses.

[Katenka]

My year 7 dd has Instagram. It private, we have it signed in on dhs phone so any private message pop up when they come in.

She goes to bed at 9pm. From 8.30pm at the latest her phone is down stairs as is her laptop and our tablet.

She reads and then goes to sleep. Her friends have messaged and posted things late at night. But that's up their parents to sort.

I had dd at 22 so not an older mum and I agree with what you are doing. So it's nothing to do with being an older mum.

[Katenka]

I don't get this not having gadgets in rooms overnight stuff. Surely if they are mature enough for the gadgets they should be mature enough to be trusted with them overnight.

Because I know at 12 if a friend had messaged me late at night and I was awake to see it. I would have answered it. Dd is mature enough for a phone. But kids do stuff they shouldn't. No child is perfect.

[Pointlessfan]

Good for you! As a teacher I see countless children who are exhausted from being online half the night and I am sick to death of having to sort out arguments and bullying issues that started, or intensified on social media. Stick to your guns!

[liquidrevolution]

Even I don't allow myself technology in the bedroom. I found I was too wired to sleep - took years to work out why I had insomnia.

[Potterwolfie]

No gadgets in rooms overnight for DC, 12. He knows the rules and doesn't yet challenge them. He isn't bothered abot social media in the slightest but this will change soon, I'm sure. DC 9 isn't bothered about gadgets and doesn't have a phone/ipad/tablet of his own. No TVs in any bedrooms.

[Brighteyes27]

Thanks all. I wondered if I was being too old fashioned. I know many of there friends do this from their posts and a lot of them seem to post just to prove they are still awake and still on social media & almost brag about doing so. DS 12 & DD 11 think I am too controlling and have said as much and protests about this have intensified recently but after your responses I now don't care and will stick to my guns.

[Katenka]

If dd protests about something I won't let her do. I can talk to her and explain my concerns and the reasons behind it. And I point out its my job to do my best for her. It works with dd. She has (up to now) accepted it.

With ds he doesn't listen so it very much the 'that's the rule, like it or lump it' and that works with him.

[Katenka]

Also I bet a lot of these parents don't know it's going on.

It's probably not a case of 'but my friends parents let them'

[autumnboys]

Ds1's secondary school specifically ask parents not to let the children have tech stuff in their rooms overnight. We didn't anyway, so it wasn't a problem for us or him. They said that the three biggest barriers to learning they see are screen time, social issues and lack of sleep and that mobile phones bring all three together.

[AChickenCalledKorma]

The trouble is, it can become a lowest common denominator thing. If you give in, they potentially end up using their tech until the last person in their group goes to sleep (i.e. potentially the one whose parents don't give a monkeys and/or have no clue their little darling is online).

I am heavily influenced by the occasion when DD1's 11yo friend came to stay for a couple of days and DH spotted (via the router) that she was on instagram from when they went to bed until 1am (when our internet connection mysteriously "went down" ). She's a nice, responsible, law-abiding kid and I'm sure her mother would be astonished if she knew. But frankly mothers don't always know what's going on!

It's interesting to see how many people on this thread agree with a technology curfew. I will keep it bookmarked for next time DD1 moans. Our tablets and phones are charged in the kitchen - same rule for adults and children - no tech within an hour of bedtime.

[specialsubject]

beepy-beepy toys stuff up sleep, children or adult. It is the blue light. Screens stay downstairs. The things are addictive and they will be playing on them at 3am. If they can't sleep, give them a torch and a book.

change router password and if possible turn it off at their bedtime. You'll sleep better too.

so kids need a phone for contact? Fine. That's a phone, not an i-brick which they don't need. Small 'dumbphones' are cheap, robust and need charging every two weeks. No internet access. Oh dear, how sad, never mind.

[MrsJayy]

When mine were that age it was mobiles and they were left in the livingroom over night no need for devices at bedtime imo

[Katenka]

That's a phone, not an i-brick which they don't need. Small 'dumbphones' are cheap, robust and need charging every two weeks. No internet access. Oh dear, how sad, never mind.

I think it's sad that people judge what other parents buy their kids. Never mind

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Judgmental much special. What's wrong with someone mature enough having a smartphone?

[AChickenCalledKorma]

specialsubject - how would you suggest using the dumbphone to take a quick photo of the screen, as a memory aid - or the art project that you want to make notes on at home? DD1 is in year 9. This is becoming a fairly regular requirement, even at a school which takes a very hard line on kids wasting time on their phones.

She does, however, has a small, cheap, unfashionable smartphone so that it's not a major distraction. And she does not have it in her bedroom at night. Seems a reasonable compromise to me and her sister will have the same when she starts yr7 this Sept.

[MrsJayy]

Nobody needs an Ipad not 1 person with a tablet needs it do they

[pointythings]

Same rule in our house, plus no tv in bedrooms. This rule applies to us adults as well.

[olivesnutsandcheese]

Yanbu. My DSS is nearly 12 and we have a no iPod/laptop/phone in bedroom rule. I intend to keep it for a long time.
He is also not allowed screen time just before bed.

Even if all the others are, stick to your guns.

[NynaevesSister]

We have always had a rule of no screens in bedrooms weekdays and we apply that to us the parents too!

Son is allowed to have his iPad on weekends and holidays, and I have allowed myself to watch TV in bed on my phone :D. I wouldn't dare let him monitor his own use. Twice now I have fallen asleep in front of the TV and woken up at 3am to find him still online oblivious to the time.