to think we are not 'older parents'

[blondieblonde]

Read this on the Guardian.

DH was 39 and 42 when we had our kids, I was 31 and 33. I don't think we are older parents, but the article which is so negative has me worried.

[Tywinlannister]

I was a geriatric primi gravida at 29 but when you consider periods start at 11, then 29 is quite old I suppose!

[TimeToMuskUp]

I had DS1 at 24 and DS2 at 29 and almost fell off the Midwife's bench when she declared I was an "older" pregnancy at 29. I have the emotional maturity of a drunk toddler most of the time, surely 29 isn't old? But then, I began my periods at 13 so had been physically able to reproduce for 16 years when he was born.

I'm 34 now and would love another but genuinely feel too old; DS2 is in reception and I'm one of the oldest parents in his class. That terrifies me.

[HanYOLO]

Conversely, I had my first at 34, second at 37 and youngest at 40. No one batted an eyelid about my age, no "elderly primagravida" on my notes (as was written on my mum's when she had me at 31).

I'm in the upper third in terms of age of parents in DS Y1 class, but distinctly average in relation to the older 2.

[5madthings]

I turned 37 last month and am 35wks preg with Dc6. I had ds1 at 20 and my youngest is five.

The gp I saw at the start of this pregnancy went on about how being 36I was high risk, old etc. Then I saw the midwife and have seen consultant (as I have big babies) and they both laughed at the idea I was old.

I have gone to some ante natal classes more as a refresher and to meet people. Anyway we are all of a similar age however the majority of the other women are having their first or a few their second baby.

Have to say this will be my last, I had always said 30-35 would be my cut off but life throws the odd curve ball! This pregnancy has been very easy and straightforward though, exactly the same as all my others, I don't think being older has made a difference.

[bananafish81]

Older pregnancy at 29??!!! Blimey

I agree with the PP (sorry on phone can't scroll back to see your name) about the east London bubble. I'm in North London and my friends of a similar age were at the younger end of their NCT group. Most of the mums in their cohort are mid 30s.

You're only moving out of grotty flat shares by your late 20s (if you're lucky) so how you have a baby when you're living with flatmates is quite an ask!!

[Terribleknitter]

I had our youngest at 37 and was considered old by the midwives. One told me that she didn't think I needed any classes because I was an older experienced mum
The flip side was that due to a certain issue I have I needed extra tests early on. I needed the same test with my first pregnancy at the age of 23 so it's not age related but every member of staff I came into contact with mentioned the fact that I was the oldest mum they'd seen that day!

[BeetlebumShesAGun]

I think in my experience you can't win either way.

I was 25 when I had DD, (planned) and we live in quite an affluent area in East Midlands. I was the youngest by at least 5 years, if not more, in the one NCT class we went to, where the leader was incredibly patronising to DH and I. The other couples weren't much better. One woman "kindly" informed how brave she thought we were continuing an unplanned pregnancy so young . I'm now 27 due with DC2 and still feel like I get judged for being younger!

On the other hand my sister just had her first at 32 and her midwife informed her she was an "older" mum so when exactly is the optimum age?

Don't worry about it OP.

[OneFlewOverTheDodosNest]

The average age of first time mothers in the UK in 2012 was 30.8 and the average age of men for all children's birth was 34 (kinda hard to do first time fathers apparently) so you were only slightly above average although your DH was more so

[JessieMcJessie]

I am 42 and pregnant for the first time. My notes do not say "elderly primagravida" or "geriatric". That said, it's a purely medical description and I don't think I'd care if it was used to describe me and ensure I got the correct antenatal care.

[Vanillaradio]

I was 37 when I had ds and no-one mentioned my age, now 39 and planning number 2 and medical professionals are all mentioning my age like mad ( I have diabetes so attend preconception clinic!) I'm not worrying about it and I don't think you should either. It's just a matter of perspective, my dm was called elderly primagravida at 28!

[ComeonSummer1]

Don't be silly.

My first at 22 my last 36.

The main difference is my parents and I laws helped out with first ones and now sadly I laws dead and my parents need looking after. Still youngest 16 so not really an issue.

I have to say I wouldn't like to be having my first baby post 40 but hey lots do and are fine.

[jimijack]

I take it very seriously.
33 for my first, 43 for my second & last.

We were not able to have children younger. We started trying at 30, but infertility and reoccurring miscarriage put paid to our grand plans.
I am very aware of health & well being.

I WANT to be around for my kids & grandkids. I am making every effort to keep well & healthy.

[JessieMcJessie]

comeonsummer I would not have liked at all to have had mine at 22. Horses for courses.

[sn0wdr0p4]

I had my youngest,who is now 16, when I was 42 and my partner 58 . I've just asked her if any of her friends consider me old.
The answer " No but they probably think you're a lot younger than you are, how old are you anyway?" So that's not a problem then!
Her Dad, now 75, is fit and well and still working full time.
The only way I think she might have missed out is her lack of grandparents, she has only ever known her maternal grandmother.
As others have said we have no idea (thank goodness) what the future will bring. DD's best friend lost her Mum,a lot younger than me,last week after a two year battle with a brain tumor.

[limon]

He was but you weren't imho . I was two months off 44.

[Namechangenell]

It's such a thorny issue and depends very much on where you live. Where I grew up, the ages I was when I had my DC (30, 32) were practically ancient. When I was doing NCT in SW London, there were mums in my group who were at least 10-15 years older than me.

I've posted this before... I now live in the US. I know a mum here who had her first at 49 and then twins at 51. Her husband is in his sixties (and actually older than my parents). They are wealthy and buy in help, but I can't help wondering whether they'll ever see their own DGC. Particularly here, it's as though there's no end to what money can buy and if you want to save being a parent until later and then pay for IVF at 50+, apparently that's fine... I agree with a PP - better maternity rights and so on would make a huge difference.

[CamboricumMinor]

I wouldn't say that you were an older parent but then who knows - I was the same age as you when I had one of my children and today I was informed that I am older than DD's friend's Nan.

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

It's all about perspective. I'd probably consider a first time parent in their 40s to be an older parent - but that's because I made my mum a nan at 43. And no judgement on older parents at all - age is no guarantee of how good a parent you are.

I actually spoke about this as part of a debate on 5 Live a few months ago - I was sort of the representative of younger mums, and there was an older mum on too. She said that older mums care about their babies more because they've wanted them for longer - I was fuming! All the way through I'd made no comments about older parents; I'd just related my experience and said parenting is tough whatever your age, and she came out with that.

[Illie]

Currently, the average age of a first time mother in the UK is now 30, so no, you are not an 'older parent', your husband probably is.

My parents were both considered older parents in 1980, at 31 and 32. My dad and step mum were very much considered older parents in 1992 and 1994 when my brother and sister were born. My dad was 45 and 47, and my step mum was 36 and 38. My dad was really old mentally and physically when both of my siblings were born, but that doesn't mean that every parents that age is. My dad died 7 years ago, when I was in my late 20s and my brother and sister were both in the mid-teens, so he never met his grandchild, and didn't get to see my siblings fully grown, but he was fairly young when he died (62), and my mum who is now 67 will probably live at least other 20 years, so she will.

Having said that, I'm 36 and my wife is 37, and my wife is pregnant with our second child, DD being 6. We are pretty much the average age of people at the school gates, and my wife is not the only pregnant mother at the moment.

[LarrytheCucumber]

I was 43 when DS was born and DH was 42. We already had two teenage children and people often assumed we were his grandparents. He is 21 now and there are a lot more people having children later now, so it won't seem odd to future generations.

[JessieMcJessie]

I find it interesting that people are so fixated on how much their lives will overlap with those of there grandchildren. I tend to see parenthood as just that, not as a BOGOF with grandparenthood. There are myriad factors that might prevent a person having grandchildren at all; it is not a right or even necessarily a legitimate expectation.

[JessieMcJessie]

Their grandchildren.

[MyLocal]

mmmm interesting subject. I was pretty average at 28 when I had DS (now 21), I was 31 when I had DD in 1997 and there were a couple of references to me on the maternity ward the second time to me being older. Now I would be considered a young mum!

Personally, I cannot possibly image having a child age 10 or younger, the thought of school runs and trailing to Judo classes 3 times a week, dance classes twice and football on a Sunday morning fills me with absolute horror.

Each to their own.

[MrsMook]

I was just approaching 30 when DS1 was born. DH is a decade older. I felt pretty average in age, and typical of those around me. DS2 was born when I was 32. DH was the same age that my grandparents were when I was born.

I'm now 35. I feel like I've got some time left in me. I'm fit, and mentally youthful, but DH is getting a bit more tired and to that threshold of not sure if he feels "young" enough for another. It's a different issue to maternal age, but he wants to have the energy to fully enjoy a young family.

[RoseBud999]

I personally wouldn't want to have my last child, much older than the age I am now (approaching 30).---- My reason being that my mother is now 55 - having had me at 26 - and is showing a lot of physical signs of ageing and is developing health issues. She doesn't have an unhealthy lifestyle, lots of walking, and a mainly fruit and veg diet. But to imagine I was now still a teenager this would worry me - A LOT. On the other hand she has also been able to have a good relationship with my older children, and I don't think that will be quite the same even in 5 years time, when my current bump is older.

I'm also greatly looking forward to seeing my children blossom into adults, and being able to focus on my career, and non-existent retirement.