To feel a bit upset about this present?

[HeyMacWey]

Background:I have moderate to severe cfs/me and as a result am housebound a lot of the time.

Pil came round last week to give me a birthday present: a water bottle and this book.

Cure

Aibu to be a bit upset that they think I can cure me/cfs by drinking a bit more water and thinking positively? You wouldn't do the same to someone who has cancer

Despite having this bastarding illness I always look on the positive side of life and try and see the best in everything - get joy from little things so it's not like I'm depressed and need help with overcoming mild depression.

Pil don't come round that often as I'm too ill to cope with the sensory overload - I can only really have one visitor a week as it really exhausts me to have to think and speak and listen. I think they've got the hump that they can't come round as often to see the dc's as they did before I fell ill.

So Aibu to send these unwanted presents off to the charity shop and maybe get dh to tactfully suggest that they might want to read up a bit more about the illness?

[HeyMacWey]

Oh dear. You've got to wonder about some people.

[TomTomKitten]

They gave it to you because they hoped it might help you. I don't think there was any malice intended. Bit of an odd Birthday present but you might be surprised to know that most people are doing their best. Just because you don't see it that way is another matter.

There is a growing movement to the mind-body connecton in terms of what causes illness. We are all much more stressed than we ever were and cancer/mental health issues are on the increase. Perhaps there is a link? A more worthwhile read would be, 'Your body speaks your mind' or anything by Louise Hay.

Sorry to hear you are ill btw.

[LoisWilkersonsLastNerve]

katenka She sounds a tea charmer.

[LoisWilkersonsLastNerve]

Real charmer. Fgs.

[rogueantimatter]

Hope you had a lovely bath Hey

Happy Birthday.

[HeyMacWey]

Oh yes I fully accept that there are benefits to having a healthy mind and how this impacts on physical health.

I practice meditative yoga and am 'mindful' about using my mental energy and thoughts as I know how much this can impact on my cfs/me symptoms.

[OnlyLovers]

YANBU; it was very insensitive. They need to educate themselves about ME or keep their noses out.

I hope your DH will have a word with them about it.

As for not seeing the kids – meh. As you say, they're growing up and the PILs need to realise and accept that. And anyway, it's not on to take out their feelings about not seeing the kids much on you.

Happy birthday!

[StrictlyMumDancing]

As strange as this sounds, you should probably look positively on it that at least they were thinking of you and your health. My PILs know I have chronic illnesses but just think I'm a bit lazy and moany . It wasn't until one of FILs work colleagues got diagnosed with one of the same illnesses that he realised I may actually be suffering albeit stoicly. MIL is a different matter!

Happy birthday btw

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

I can see why you are upset, its like they are saying "you can cure this if you really try"

fuck off!!!

that said cancer sufferers have their own barrage of shit to handle

cant GP see the GC without you, and give you a rest/break tho?

I think it was well intentioned. not malicious but understandably hurtful

and never EVER send ill people homeopathic links. EVER - gavel!

[dolkapots]

Katenka I actually laughed out loud at that one!

[HeddaGarbled]

Yes, it's a rubbish present. I wouldn't even bother giving it to a shop. Bin is the best place for it.

Now then, the grandchildren. They are being a bit selfish to neglect their grandparents now they have better things to do. I bet they were glad enough to see them when they were little and the grandparents bought them presents and gave them treats. We all have people we see out of love and loyalty. Every few months is not often enough. They can get themselves to their grandparents independently or your H can take them. I would say at least once a month would be reasonable.

[rogueantimatter]

With regard to the healing power of the mind I'm sure we all know that our thoughts and feelings have an effect. But there comes a point where the body's mechanism has become so disrupted that no amount of relaxing/focusing/positive thinking will help. Not much is known about ME. IMO medicine is lagging behind the effects of living in a polluted environment.

It works both ways - the 'mind' can cause permanent damage through the long term effects of stress hormones. Prevention is better than cure.

Unfortunately there isn't enough money to prescribe an ME sufferer full time care and and an expensive unprocessed organic diet, plumbed-in water filters, air-purifying machines, a holiday in a warm climate, fun, laughter etc. Those probably would be at least as much help for many a ME patient as encouraging meditation, visualisation etc Nobody else is expected to suffer their illness and look into a cure as well.

[caitlinohara]

I agree with others that there is probably no malice intended here. Yes, it's possible that your PIL regard you as a self centred malingerer... it's also possible that they are genuinely trying to help. Frankly I think that if I had a chronic illness I would be willing to try anything, with the possible exception of crystals . You may feel you already have of course, in which case ignore me. Don't waste your energy getting annoyed about the gesture though, it's really not worth it.

[Katenka]

Yep my mil is a laugh a minute.

She made me some homeopathic drops. She wrote out what they were for. Apparently it would stop me being 'aggressive and close minded'.

She made dhs which would stop home being so passive. Apparently I am over baring and he is my man slave.

She thinks he isn't speaking to her because I told him not to. I couldn't care less if he does or not. It's up to him.

[MrsJayy]

Well she sounds a delight Katenka

[ShotgunNotDoingThePans]

'A more worthwhile read would be, 'Your body speaks your mind' or anything by Louise Hay.'

Please don't bother yourself with this, op. A friend gave this to me to read after my dad had just been operated on for the secondary cancerous tumour in his brain (turned out he had lung cancer). I threw it across the room when I read that lung cancer was from supressed anger or some other shite. He'd chain-smoked for forty years.
I seem to recall that Louise Hay also said in her opening chapter that it was her own fault she was overlooked and bullied at school because that's what happened at home so she expected it - was a consequence of her own thoughts and feelings.
Sheer twattery. Sorry you feel lousy.

[glueandstick]

Why are people so thoughtless? Because unfortunately the world is becoming all about me me me and what I want and massive amounts of over sharing.

I really blame Facebook and the Internet. The perpetual amount of shit peddled to gullible people is staggering. People expect to know every detail of every bit of your life and happily spend hours reading utter crap.

Just ignore the lot of them and add them to the mental list of utter morons.

[glueandstick]

Oh and my mother in law told me that I had to make sure I never got post natal depression because it wouldn't look good. That I'd end up as 'one of those people' and never have a proper job and live on benefits. And if I had a C section for any reason I would have taken the easy way out and wouldn't be able to do housework properly for ages and would be a drain on others.

Naturally I listen to every piece of her medical advice now.

People are just odd. Start buying incontinence products for them for their birthdays.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

Some people are just fuckwits. Like your pil.

I also think this kind "gift" is just evidence of self-deluded magical thinking that by doing X you can cause or prevent Y, when X is a chance or random event. A bit like wearing a long skirt and no lipstick will stop you being

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

...raped if you are unfortunate enough to meet a rapist.

[Tangofandango]

A friend of mine bought me a present just after I started chemo and all my hair had fallen out. A pair of travel hair straighteners

[HeyMacWey]

Sorry for all the other people who've received ill intentioned or just plain nasty passive aggressive presents.

I actually laughed out loud at the incontinence towels idea.

Tbh I should just take it with a pinch of salt - they read the daily mail so she probably read about it in there.

You really can't go wrong with flowers and bubble bath imo

[LoveBoursin]

I have ME too.
And I actually looked at book before and nearly bought it because I know, from my own experience, that how I am in my mind is making a huge difference to how I feel in my body.

I can't really remember why I didn't in the end (probably because I already had bought too many books )

But I can see how someone who knows little about the illness thought it could help. I think the intention was there iyswim

What I don't agree is the idea of a 'cure'. I think that unfortunately, ME is a chronic illness and you will always have a lower suceptibility to over doing it, even when/if you have 'recovered'.

However, I wouldn't give that book to someone unless I knew for sure that that way of looking at things is one they would be happy to embrace.

[glueandstick]

Ahhh the Daily Mail. Now that explains an awful lot.

[LoveBoursin]

Btw, I do take issue to all the posters who are saying that your PIL are a fuckwit and other names under the sun.

This way of looking at the world might not be the one you have but it doesn't allow you to insult people who have a different outlook on life.