ExH refusing to give DC medicine

[StonedAndDethroned]

My DD has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. She has always had ADHD type behaviours (impulsivity/hyperactivity/lack of concentration).

She is 8 years old. Her father and I separated when she was 3.

The paediatrician has prescribed medication, after observing her in school and seeing her in the clinic. This is a tapered dose, so starting off at 10mg once a day then after two weeks, increasing to 20mg, then reviewed. this is to minimise side effects.

She started this two weeks ago, and was due to increase the dose today.

BUT

She spent five days with ExH who has refused to give it to her, so I now can't increase the dose after five days of no meds.

ExH and his GF claim that ADHD is a "toxicity issue" and that medicating her is "dosing her up"/"drugging her" with "toxins". They keep telling me that I need to cut all wheat, sugar and dairy out of her diet as that will make her better but I cant find any evidence or studies that support this, plus I am on benefits so it would be a very expensive experiment. They haven't tried this with her themselves.

What can I do? AIBU to take him to court? Or AIBU to not attempt this diet that ExH and his GF want me to? I feel so bullied by them that I honestly don't know if IBU.

Background
He was invited to the medical appointment but didn't attend.
He told me a few months ago that if I was overwhelmed and was unable to care for her (I'm a lone parent of three DC) then she would have to go into care as him and his GF couldn't cope with her. (They now claim that she is impeccably behaved for them but she always cries when she comes home and says that she has been in trouble)
He has recently cut his contact with her by 40% (due to work commitments), but will still have her every two weeks so will be able to repeatedly disrupt the tapered dosing by not giving it to her for a few days.
School have said that even with pre-tutoring post-tutoring and 1 to 1 support that DD is not retaining anything.

[ZiggyFartdust]

I wouldn't be sending my child anywhere she was treated like that.
If they want to cut out all dairy, sugar and wheat from her diet, what are they suggesting she eats every day? And who is going to pay for it?

[StonedAndDethroned]

The thing is, he actually does feed them shite himself. When he makes packed lunches for her, he gives her cold greasy sausage rolls and cocktail sausage (and a cake) in her lunchbox, which come home uneaten.

She's on equasym 10mg for the last two weeks (minus five days) all fine so far, sleep appetite etc all normal no ill effects at all. I think she's been a bit calmer (so do other family members who saw her over half term) but I think it's too early and too low a dose to tell. Plus I want it to work, so my perception may be skewed.

He hasn't returned her unused medication either, or responded to my request for it to be returned. So I can't give her any until I've got more 10mg from the paediatrician as I've only got 20mg doses here now.

[Zariyah]

He's a twat. I'd stop contact until he can administer her prescribed medication like a proper parent.

[rumbleinthrjungle]

I agree you're likely to need a court hearing for this where a judge will hear both sides and make a decision in dd's best interests that both parents then have to follow, and they will usually go with the care advised by a paediatrician as being in the child's best interests. I thought there was a way to do this in court as just a hearing about a single issue without it having to be a full contact hearing, does someone more informed know what this might be called?

I'm all for holistic therapies for children, they can be great, but holistic approaches should support health care not replace it. Most paediatricians do not lightly medicate children and you have a particularly good one if he's been out to observe dd in school before making the decision.

[SmillasSenseOfSnow]

Given that the dose is being tapered to start with you must surely want to avoid it being abruptly stopped from a dose that isn't the lowest possible. Poor kid might feel like absolute crap from withdrawal symptoms if that happens (NB: I do not know the drug, just extrapolating from experience of non-ADHD stuff).

[Flisspaps]

I agree with those saying that withholding medication is against her best interests and therefore if he isn't prepared to care for her properly he isn't fit to look after her.

Get it noted with the GP that he's refused to give her the medication, and see if they can get you another script for 10mg from the consultant.

Then let him take you back to court if he wants contact. What an arsehole.

[Bogeyface]

I would withdraw contact but write to him explaining exactly why, include in the dates that he didnt administer the medication "which was prescribed on X date by X consultant, an appointment I informed you of but you chose not to attend", and the effects it has had ie; not being able to follow the protocol for increased dosage as sudden increase/withdrawal can cause side effects. You gave him this information on X date, after the appointment.

Then if you do have to go to court, you have that letter that he was informed of everything from the start, so he cant later claim he didnt know about it.

[rumbleinthrjungle]

Cross post OP: if you have 20mg tablets can you give her half a tablet to make it a 10mg dose?

The effects of stopping and starting medication aren't good, have you rung your paediatrician to put this on record that it's happening? I'd be tempted to refuse contact until a court decision on the grounds to avoid him stopping the meds while she's with him. If he feels THAT strongly he could after all go to court himself and ask that you're stopped from giving it to her (not that I think a judge would agree). Stopping any medication suddenly for three days is much less good for her than either taking the meds or not taking the meds and doesn't have dd's interests at the forefront.

[Bogeyface]

Just read that he is witholding the unused medicine, add that into the letter too and explain the effects of that on DD too.

[rumbleinthrjungle]

And v. surprised any reputable holistic therapist would suggest cold turkey pulling a child off meds (or stopping meds at all ever without careful discussion with the prescribing doctor.)

[aprilanne]

my son was on medication for adhd he is also autistic ..the medication does not work that fast .but most children become very thin .it usually causes poor appetite and they become very sluggish with long term use .yes they are quieter but that is because meds very sedating .it caused our son to have a fast heart beat ..unfortunately he does have a point these stimulants do sometimes do long term damage .he has every right to refuse to give her the medication just as you have to give her it .i would not give my son them again if i had my time over .

[StonedAndDethroned]

Some great advice on here.

I'm in tears reading all your responses. Last year him and GF decided that they wanted DD 50% of the time, despite both working (I think this was they could stop paying maintenance) They tried to discredit me to social services, claimed I had Munchausen's by proxy etc (that was about DD1, this thread is about DD2) and that they had "fundamental concerns about DCs wellbeing in my care" I asked them to explain and be specific, they didn't.

GF also turned up at a meeting that she wasn't invited to and they sat opposite me whispering and writing notes to each other while I was sat there alone.

[StonedAndDethroned]

SS found no issues with my parenting BTW.

The tablets are capsules which I open and give her in yoghurt. I'm not sure I could measure half accurately enough

[StrictlyMumDancing]

If there's ever an issue to stop contact, refusing prescribed medication is definitely one of them. This isn't a have-slight-cold-take-antibiotics issue, this is far bigger than that. If he doesn't agree with the diagnosis then it was up to him to attend these appointments and get himself informed/ask more pertinent questions.

[ProcrastinatorGeneral]

Stoned this is serious, with your latest update you need some help on your side of this. You would do well to write the letter as advised up thread and then I would, if possible, seek some legal help. You also need to get onto the paediatrician quickly and explain all of this and request a prescription for your child.

Good luck.

[specialsubject]

did the person with the medical degree say anything about changing what she eats? No. They said give her meds.

this pair of ignorant, arrogant fools have abused her. Take whatever action necessary to keep her away from them.

has girlfriend done any recognised medical qualification? Of course not - anyone who has doesn't use the word 'toxins'. Your ex is clearly under her thumb, or maybe another part of her body to believe this crap.

Very angry for your daughter, and you.

[lunar1]

I'd stop contact and let him take you to court.

[Jux]

If you act quickly vis a vis the prescription you could be picking it up tomorrow afternoon and starting again on Thursday. Ring the gp first thing and ask for it, you can do the whole thing over the phone. GP will probably ring you back before lunch.

You do need to take control of this. Start with getting the new prescription talk to the gp and it will go from there.

[AnyFucker]

Stop contact and get in first by ringing SS yourself. Also see your GP and get this documented. Him and his idiotic GF don't make the rules, who the fuck do they think they are ?

[SolidGoldBrass]

Stop all contact with this fuckwit and his equally fuckwitted partner; let them take you to court (which they will not be able to do overnight), talk to all the medical professionals, the school and possibly even SS about how this couple are a risk to your DC, and are going against medical advice purely out of malice and a wish to make trouble.
The stupid woman won't have any actual qualifications or she would know better (most 'qualified' quacks, especially the ones fully aware they are selling bullshit, are very wary of telling clients to stop taking prescribed medication in favour of wierd diets, crystal healing or the power of prayer because of the risk of being sued when the obvious happens and the patient isn't cured).

[VimFuego101]

I normally hate it when people say 'stop contact and let him take you to court' - but in this context, i think it's necessary. What an idiot. I know a few people for whom cutting out gluten has helped ADHD symptoms, so it may be worth a try - but he shouldn't be stopping medication in the middle of a course.

[Bogeyface]

I agree with AF in light of your last update. Contact SS yourself, explain your concerns and see what they say. At least that way they cant decide to attempt to use them against you again when you withold contact.