To expect visiting friends to spend some time with me?

[infife]

Posted to AIBU since, it's quite likely I am being unreasonable, but since I feel a little irritated, I wanted to unload :-)

Last year some friends asked if they could stay with us. They live some distance away, so they wanted to stay for a few days. Unfortunately, we didn't have the room so offered them our holiday home in a nearby major city, which they accepted.

For the last two days I've invited them for dinner but each day they've made alternative plans. Tomorrow they want a lift to the airport. Given that I'll need to drive an hour each way, and they'd made no plans, I really am not in the mood to do the airport run (especially since it's only a short and cheap bus ride away for them...!).

Now, if they had booked into the holiday home straight off, I would just assume they wanted a nice break away, and I wouldn't be upset about being knocked back.

But that wasn't the original plan - they were meant to be visiting us, and presumably we'd have seen sights and eaten together, you know, like friends do? The sole reason they're in the holiday home is because we simply don't have room at our home any more.

They aren't being charged, of course - but I have had to decline a paying guest enquiry since then. Normally this wouldn't matter - but you know, since they're basically using it as holiday accommodation in the way a run of the mill guest would, I feel a little put out.

Anyway, posting this because I'm feeling a little upset and wondering if they ever wanted to actually visit me at all, or had they been accommodated at our home rather than away from us, whether things would be different, or what.

Someone tell me I'm being silly and that it's not unreasonable for them to decline my invitations to dinner? :S

[honeyroar]

I would definitely tell them that you're upset havent seen them.

[camelfinger]

How rude and cheeky. I wouldn't do the airport run. I can't believe they've used you like this. It wouldn't have been too much to expect a lunch or dinner st least once.

[antimatter]

YANBU

rude people!

[LagunaBubbles]

Really rude and cheeky! I would never behave like this and genuinely dont get people sometimes reading things like this!

[DinosaursRoar]

Just to add to the YANBU chorus.

Sorry you've found out in such a horrible way that they aren't good friends.

At least you can be 'busy' with a full holiday home next time they contact you.

[AppleSetsSail]

I would definitely tell them that you're upset havent seen them.

Depending on how valuable this friendship is I might do this. May we know, OP, what city your second home is in? If it's in NYC or Hong Kong or London or Nice then I'd be feeling pretty hard done by. If it's in middle of the road location I might be willing to make room for the possibility that they just got carried away with relaxing....?

[wizzywig]

Did they get a free stay at the apartment?

[infife]

I'm in Fife - and the flat is in Edinburgh.

Absolutely no problem with not having much contact - I've had many friends stay up here, and not see much (or in some cases, any!) of me, because they've either paid the going rate, or I've invited them up to stay when it's otherwise unoccupied.

That's absolutely 100% fine :-)

The disappointment is that they asked to visit me, and did not anticipate staying in the flat.

Transport to the airport is not a problem from Edinburgh, there are many options, a tram, bus, taxi, whatever.

I wouldn't expect someone staying in Edinburgh to come visit me in Fife - I'm just a bit put out at having asked about going for dinner each night and being turned down :(

Anyway, I'm doing my accounts at the moment (yes, late, I know!) and just logged into my Virgin Media account, and can see they've been calling mobiles from my landline in the flat. Something that no guest has ever done...!

[AppleSetsSail]

I see, it's like your username says.

They've taken the piss. Send them a bill for the mobile charges.

[camelfinger]

Can you do the airport run but cut it a little too fine?

[Strangeoccurence]

OP! I bet you are so upset and angry about this.

Cheeky bastards. They know exactly what they have done!

[infife]

Haha :-) very cruel.

I think, all things considered, I'll just say nothing. They already know I'm not going to take them to the airport - and just haven't bothered replying, or to find out why I'm a little miffed.

It says it all. I do feel rather upset about it, but I guess that's the reality that some friendships aren't worth maintaining.

Oh well.

[Strangeoccurence]

Yup i think from here on your silence will say it all. Just ignore any further contact from them

[howabout]

YANBU

I used to live in Edinburgh. I am someone would expect you to drive in from Fife to take them from the City to the airport.

If I was getting a free weekend in an Edinburgh flat a night out at the Witchery would be on my thank you list. Although you could offer to meet them at the Champany Inn in Linlithgow for lunch, their treat and then take them to the airport if they are really just thoughtless rather than selfish.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

How bloody rude!

Sadly, you've learnt how these 'friends' see you.... Free holiday accommodation and taxi service.... (i wonder whether they would have behaved differently if they stayed at your house?)

I could almost excuse the first 36 hours when they arrived... But to continually turn down dinner invites from you... ....

Depending on what you want to do with the friendship I may even say something: eg... 'i am very miffed- You:re pals who i thought were visiting so we could hangout together ... I turned down paying guests (at £x 100s) so you could use my flat .. I am really miffed that you didnt want to meet up at all... Apart from when i was giving you a lift from the airport that is. Thank you for showing me your true colours... '. And see if they come back with anything...

[Lweji]

Oh, please bill them. For everything.

Then report back.

With any luck we will then also have the thread by a couple complaining about "visiting" a friend and receiving a bill for the stay.

[McPie]

They won't pay £4.50 each to get to the airport (plus the massive £1.50 each depending how far from the city centre your other home is) and expected you to take them when they have used your property free of charge and hardly bothered to even see you! Bloody cheeky freeloaders!

[Kirkenes]

I'd send them a text asking them not to call mobile numbers from your land line -

[rookiemere]

I live in Edinburgh and I'm absolutely shocked they expected you to come from Fife to drop you off from the airport, there's loads of ways to get there and they must know how long it would have taken you to get there and back.

I'd be seething and have to say something to them. Freeloaders.

[rookiemere]

Oh I know, you could email them asking if they used the landline to call mobile numbers and say that you're disappointed that they chose to do that, considering you were letting them stay for free in your rental property.

[MrsAmaretto]

Wow! I'm another Scottish person amazed they won't use the bus or team to get to the airport!

The phonebill is rude, how much do they owe you?

[MrsAmaretto]

*tram not team

[Jux]

They've been using your phone???!!!!! With no offer to pay or questions about how to pay??

Please send them an invoice for cost of the calls. Please please. I know they won't pay it, but when they don't you can absolutely send them an email telling them they're taking the piss, and that would be sooooo cathartic.

[pillowaddict]

That's incredibly rude particularly the airport lift request. If they do get in touch I would have to tell them I was disappointed, but it seems so obvious to a normal person that you don't take the piss like that I wouldn't fancy having them as friends anymore!

[missnevermind]

I would let them know that I had had to refuse to take them to the airport as I was upset and worried I might say something to spoil the friendship.