To expect visiting friends to spend some time with me?

[infife]

Posted to AIBU since, it's quite likely I am being unreasonable, but since I feel a little irritated, I wanted to unload :-)

Last year some friends asked if they could stay with us. They live some distance away, so they wanted to stay for a few days. Unfortunately, we didn't have the room so offered them our holiday home in a nearby major city, which they accepted.

For the last two days I've invited them for dinner but each day they've made alternative plans. Tomorrow they want a lift to the airport. Given that I'll need to drive an hour each way, and they'd made no plans, I really am not in the mood to do the airport run (especially since it's only a short and cheap bus ride away for them...!).

Now, if they had booked into the holiday home straight off, I would just assume they wanted a nice break away, and I wouldn't be upset about being knocked back.

But that wasn't the original plan - they were meant to be visiting us, and presumably we'd have seen sights and eaten together, you know, like friends do? The sole reason they're in the holiday home is because we simply don't have room at our home any more.

They aren't being charged, of course - but I have had to decline a paying guest enquiry since then. Normally this wouldn't matter - but you know, since they're basically using it as holiday accommodation in the way a run of the mill guest would, I feel a little put out.

Anyway, posting this because I'm feeling a little upset and wondering if they ever wanted to actually visit me at all, or had they been accommodated at our home rather than away from us, whether things would be different, or what.

Someone tell me I'm being silly and that it's not unreasonable for them to decline my invitations to dinner? :S

[Bunbaker]

I would just give them the number of a taxi service that does airport runs and tell them that you will be unavailable to give them a lift.

[SSargassoSea]

People do seem to expect airport runs.

I fly regularly but will get a taxi or several public transports to get there under my own steam. You usually need to allow time for traffic hold ups etc, if driving, so for someone to take me to the nearest airport you need about 4-5 hours of their day.
Yes you have luggage but nowadays its usual that people are expected to be able to manage it yourself.

[AlwaysDancing1234]

YANBU they just used you as a cheap holiday.
"Something has come up" don't do the airport run!

[AppleSetsSail]

So fucking rude. Now you know. How far away are the two cities?

[clam]

I wouldn't worry unduly about offending them. They don't seem to be bothered that they might have upset you.

[wotoodoo]

Have they offered to do anything for you op? Pay for meals out, bottles of wine etc? You picked them up from the airport and offered them free accomodation. No way are you going to be used to take them back there.

You will resent them and seethe forever unless you make sure they at least thoroughly clean your holiday home, wash towels etc, Please make sure they at least do that op!

[FredaMayor]

I would not consider these people to be friends, OP.

[mintoil]

YANBU

No way would I take them to the airport - cheeky feckers!

[NinjaClaws]

So you've already lost money by letting them stay in your holiday home for free???
And they want you to nip them to the airport an hour away?
Do you stay with them on a reciprocal basis in their home town?

I can understand this sort of thoughtless behaviour from teenage relatives but they are supposed to be your ADULT friends.
They do sound like a couple of freeloaders, to be honest.

[shazzarooney99]

Sorry but they are taking the mick and next time they ask say no!

[ovenchips]

No to the airport lift. I would just breezily tell them a lift is unecessary as there is a good public transport connection and keep repeating that.

The other issue is really peculiar. I don't understand them asking to stay with you then not spending any time with you. It makes no sense. What an unsatisfactory visit in all ways.

[TempusEedjit]

If they were that bothered about not wanting to disturb OP then I'm sure they wouldn't dream of asking her to take at least 2 hours out of her day just to taxi them to the airport. No, they are users.

Yanbu.

[caitlinohara]

Just trying to see their side of it - how far away are they from where you live? Presumably they do not have transport so how easy would it have been for them to visit you from where you are staying?

[tharsheblows]

You know they're going to ask to use your holiday home again. Make them pay next time or say it's already booked / needs to be kept open for paying customers. And I agree with everyone - don't feel guilty about not taking them to the airport!

[Lweji]

Ywnbu to give them a bill for both stay and the "lift".

[PegsPigs]

YANBU to refuse to give them a lift when they only want to see you for a lift not for dinner.

[infife]

Well, thanks for your support everyone.

I was a little annoyed about it this morning, but kinda hoped I'd get invited for lunch...? Nope. Message received that simply said:

"Are you coming over later for airport run"

Well, that confirmed what you'd all been saying. I was being cautious because I didn't want to read too much into the previous stuff, but well, this message annoyed me because it was an expectation that I'd drive an hour from my home to pick them up and take them to the airport, and an hour back home.

Mumsnet is prescient as ever!

[Jezebel555]

Did you tell them to kiss your arse OP?

[infife]

Perhaps I should. I just sent back a messaging saying that I'm surprised they didn't want lunch before they left, and that they should make use of the bus.

I then received an offer of lunch... I just said to forget it.

I didn't receive anything else back.

So, wow. Someone I'd known more than ten years :S

[Strangeoccurence]

Wow! Glad you didnt back down and got to see them for how they are!

[AppleSetsSail]

If they have any powers of induction, they might work out from your most recent text that you've got the size of them.

Good job OP, you're well shot of them.

[clam]

Don't suppose there was a 'Thank you' anywhere in that text exchange?

[whois]

Cheeky fuckers!

Have you called to say you're a little disappointed they haven't been able to make the time to see you?

[SSargassoSea]

Perhaps there's a crate of Champagne at the apartment!??!!!

[honeyroar]

How far away from you are they? If they can't get to the airport, how would they get to you? I wonder if they thought that you didn't want them around when they couldn't stay with you?