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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wibu to keep my 9 year old off school after late home?

120 replies

FarterChristmoose · 14/01/2016 11:41

Hi my 9 year old son went on a school trip on Wednesday, they were supposed to be home at 5PM but they got stuck in a motorway crash and didn't get back to school until 10.45. My husband then drove 2 of his friends home to save their single mums having to come out so late with younger children. DS eventually got to bed at midnight and was up at 7 for school. He usually goes to sleep at so lost 4 hours sleep. He was so tired, lots of tears so I kept him off and he went back to sleep until 9am then rested all day.

At school today his teacher took me to one side and said she was disappointed he didn't go school and everybody else did.

Wibu to have kept him off? Hes still very tired today!

OP posts:
LittleBeautyBelle · 14/01/2016 15:55

I think yanbu. There's been a time or two I've kept ds at home because he was so tired. He'd had a series of late nights for reasons we couldn't help, and I just felt it was the right thing to do, kind of a mothering instinct told me to let him have a day to rest. It hardly ever happens, I think in your situation you may have perceived he was extra tired, the previous days he may have been very busy leading up to the trip, then when the bus got in at 11pm, you probably felt another nudge of concern for him, and when you looked at him the morning after the late trip, maybe a pale face in a deep, tired sleep, you decided he needed to stay home.

On top of that, he got home later than the other children because your husband was thoughtful enough to drop off two other children before bringing your son home. Perhaps if the teacher knew this, she wouldn't have condemned you.

Context is everything, and the teacher doesn't have a clue of your son's life outside of school, and even in school she is not an expert on anyone else's child. I think she was out of order reprimanding you.

Don't beat yourself up over this teacher taking you aside. Ultimately, you know what's best for your child, the teacher does not. That's the bottom line.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/01/2016 16:01

A five year old, maybe. Not a nine year old though. He would have been tired, got home and gone to sleep. It wouldn't have been the end of the world. Done now though, no need to beat yourself up over it.

TheSnowFairy · 14/01/2016 16:07

Your DH should have dropped him off first then he would have been home (and to bed) earlier.

ZanyMobster · 14/01/2016 16:07

YABU you should have taken him in once he woke up. You can't worry about it now though.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 14/01/2016 16:13

Come back and answer all these questions, OP! Grin

Ulysses · 14/01/2016 16:27

I've got a 10 year old and I'd imagine that she'd be really quite upset to be stuck out in the dark, on a motorway, in the middle of winter till late at night, and I probably would keep her off to rest up.

I guess the most of Mumsnet's kids are made of much sterner stuff though. FWIW, YANBU

banff82 · 14/01/2016 16:43

YABU, you should at the very least have taken him to school when he woke up at 9. Surely you can see YWBU/precious given that all the other children managed to make it in? 'He rested all day' sounds like you're talking about someone who is 99, not 9.

Also, if after nearly 9 hours of sleep including a lie-in, a full day of resting and another full night's sleep, a 9 year old is still "very tired" then maybe you need to take him to the doctor.

ZanyMobster · 14/01/2016 16:46

Ulysses - not really as all the other children at school made it in also.

marriednotdead · 14/01/2016 16:57

All day was unnecessary, a couple of hours until he woke naturally would have been fair enough.

I've done this with my DS who was in secondary school at the time- they were several hours late back from a day trip to France. His teacher was unimpressed and telephoned me but DS is on the autistic spectrum and is monstrous without sleep- it was better for all concerned that he was late into class as a meltdown would have been a dead cert.

MoMoTy · 14/01/2016 17:01

Ulysses it's funny that every other child managed to make it to school.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/01/2016 17:02

God all your teachers must love you. sending tired cranky and unable to concentrate children into schopl. being present isn't everything you know. they actually have to be able to focus.

if it was a long day and a long trip and a long journey plus the excitement of looking for water to ot I can well believe that even waking up at 9 he was still tired.

the other kids will probably be exhausted for the next couple of days and take in far less than they would normally. probably missing more than what the ops ds did in one day.

Yanbu

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/01/2016 17:02

looking forward to it.

not water Blush

Bunbaker · 14/01/2016 17:03

"I feel a bit sorry for the OP. She wanted reassurance and had been told she is silly."

That's because she was BU. I would have just taken him in at morning break. To be fair, giving him the entire day off looked like she was taking the piss. The children have only been back at school for a week and a half as well.

otterlylovely · 14/01/2016 17:04

He was crying because he was tired! Midnight is late to me a 9 year old.

YANBU.

5Hearts · 14/01/2016 17:05

YABU - maybe leaving him to sleep until he naturally woke and then sending him would be ok...but a whole day?

TwoLeftSocks · 14/01/2016 17:13

Very much depends on your DS and only you know him so it's totally your call.

FWIW, mine doesn't cope well at all when he's tired, there would have been tears and he would have been no use in class at all. I might well have kept him at home too.

GoblinLittleOwl · 14/01/2016 17:14

You should have taken him in late after he had woken up; certainly didn't need to rest all day.

Notso · 14/01/2016 17:20

being present isn't everything you know.
Judging by the patronising letters we are bombarded with regarding attendance the teachers at my DC's school think it is.

mumzuki · 14/01/2016 17:22

Did you have to take a day off work to stay home with him?

Lightbulbon · 14/01/2016 17:34

I think the ops been scared off!

CheshireChat · 14/01/2016 17:36

It's unfair comparing a 9 year old with his teacher, an adult. Of course the teacher had to go in the next day, the OP's son less so. And for those saying he won't cope when he has a job, come on! His age isn't in double figures yet, I'm sure he'll manage.

usual · 14/01/2016 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usual · 14/01/2016 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaggingTits · 14/01/2016 19:10

I don't think it's bad you kept him off. He's 9, not like he's in the middle of exams. Some harsh replies. And someone saying "this is the most ridiculous thing they've ever heard" - really Hmm. A mum and child didn't get to sleep until midnight and couldn't be arsed for ONE day. Not a big deal.

Bunbaker · 14/01/2016 19:17

"I would have kept him off."

All day! Really? Why? Why not let him sleep in and take him to school at morning break? Taking the entire day off is taking the piss.