To think this is rude

[toastedbeagle]

My Dsis came up yesterday to visit us and we exchanged Christmas gifts. Her husband didn't come as he was at work so she took his gifts away with her. I'd bought him a couple of items (map, calendar, coffee table book) and also some aftershave that he wears.

I've just received a text which says "Bob sadly already has one and a half bottles of Smelly stuff. Can it be exchanged for A.n.other? Where is it from?"

I'm a bit speechless that there isn't a "thank you" in any of this. I feel quite pissed off. She didn't bring my husband anything at all because "she ordered something online - aftershave he already has ironically - but it hasn't come yet".

I haven't responded yet as I am seething but wondered if I am old fashioned expecting someone to give thanks first, or that I shouldn't have to replace the gift?!

[SoleSource]

No you're not old fashioned and she is rude. Say you don't have the receipt. Sat you could swap it with your Husbands gift? Manners cost nothing. Makes my blood boil.

[ColdTeaAgain]

Yes extremely rude not to start text with a thank you. No excuse for it.

[ColdTeaAgain]

I wouldn't be bothering getting anything next year either.

[hownottofuckup]

Gosh i'm rude, seems fine to me.

[littlemermaid80]

Rude for omitting a thank you.

The rest of it wouldn't bother me. If my sister sent me that then I'd reply with sure, whatever you want. But she would always say thank you first.

YANBU. She's being thoughtless. Is this a first for her?

[Firsteverchangeofname]

Tell them to locate the village of 'Manners' on the 'map' you gifted him.

Cheeky fuckers

[KoalaDownUnder]

Yes, it's rude!

hownotto, you'd really text that? Without even a 'thank you'?

[RJnomore1]

Rude baggage!

[CherryPits]

I would ignore her message and just carry on as normal. If she raises it again I'd say you couldn't be bothered to respond to such an ungrateful missive and that they can hang onto it until he runs out of the stuff or flush it as far as you're concerned (ok maybe that's going a bit far).

[MsMarvel]

I would ask for it back to return it and then conveniently forget all about it.

[Potatoface2]

text back 'who is this'...lol

[Caprinihahahaha]

Of course it's rude to not even include 'thank you'

I wouldn't reply.

[BackInTheRealWorld]

Rude. The proper etiquette is to thank giver profusely then wrap it back up and regift it to someone else!

[Bogeyface]

"I got it from Boots. By the way, you're welcome"

[ohtheholidays]

The kind of mood I'm in just lately I would have text back OH You Are So Fucking Welcome !!

[Kryptonite]

She worded it badly. Nothing wrong with saying it was a duplicate present, I'd rather the person receiving felt comfortable enough to say that they already had it if they did.
There's a way to say things, though.
Something along the lines of "Bob loved your present, thank you. Unfortunately he already has one of the items, so we were just wondering if you still had the receipt?"
I wouldn't have a problem with a message worded like that, I'd rather know so I could exchange it for them.

[Katarzyna79]

i think the problem is texting. it can be impersonal, people can misinterpret things, it can lack emotion. Id ignore the text wait for a call then if she doesn't say thanks yes she is rude. based on text alone i wouldn't read so much into it, people try to keep texts short

[BitOfFun]

Texts used to be limited to a certain number of characters, but no longer, AFAIK. In any case, "thank you" is hardly waffle.

[BitOfFun]

So often on these threads people are told they don't have a MIL problem but a husband problem. I think in this case it's probably true.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Not just rude but very much ungrateful. His smelly stuff isn't going to last forever can't he use your gift when its gone.

[kali110]

So rude!
Tell them to swap it with your husband's late present ( that they blatantly don't have) and never buy for again.

[Kryptonite]

So often on these threads people are told they don't have a MIL problem but a husband problem. I think in this case it's probably true.

Wrong thread?!

[BitOfFun]

I think so, yes . Whoops.

[StrictlyMumDancing]

I have this with my ILs loads. In the last few years MIL, SIL and BIL have decided to actively slag off the presents they've been bought - now they don't get anything much from anyone and are upset by it.

Definitely suggest they return the bottle to you and keep DH's supposed aftershave and then you can at least exchange it yourself for something DH would like. YANBU, cheeky gits.