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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is rude

60 replies

toastedbeagle · 31/12/2015 00:40

My Dsis came up yesterday to visit us and we exchanged Christmas gifts. Her husband didn't come as he was at work so she took his gifts away with her. I'd bought him a couple of items (map, calendar, coffee table book) and also some aftershave that he wears.

I've just received a text which says "Bob sadly already has one and a half bottles of Smelly stuff. Can it be exchanged for A.n.other? Where is it from?"

I'm a bit speechless that there isn't a "thank you" in any of this. I feel quite pissed off. She didn't bring my husband anything at all because "she ordered something online - aftershave he already has ironically - but it hasn't come yet".

I haven't responded yet as I am seething but wondered if I am old fashioned expecting someone to give thanks first, or that I shouldn't have to replace the gift?!

OP posts:

SoleSource · 31/12/2015 00:44

No you're not old fashioned and she is rude. Say you don't have the receipt. Sat you could swap it with your Husbands gift? Manners cost nothing. Makes my blood boil.

ColdTeaAgain · 31/12/2015 00:46

Yes extremely rude not to start text with a thank you. No excuse for it.

ColdTeaAgain · 31/12/2015 00:49

I wouldn't be bothering getting anything next year either.

hownottofuckup · 31/12/2015 00:51

Gosh i'm rude, seems fine to me.

littlemermaid80 · 31/12/2015 00:51

Rude for omitting a thank you.

The rest of it wouldn't bother me. If my sister sent me that then I'd reply with sure, whatever you want. But she would always say thank you first.

YANBU. She's being thoughtless. Is this a first for her?

Firsteverchangeofname · 31/12/2015 00:51

Tell them to locate the village of 'Manners' on the 'map' you gifted him.

Cheeky fuckers

KoalaDownUnder · 31/12/2015 01:00

Yes, it's rude!

hownotto, you'd really text that? Without even a 'thank you'?

RJnomore1 · 31/12/2015 01:01

Rude baggage!

CherryPits · 31/12/2015 01:07

I would ignore her message and just carry on as normal. If she raises it again I'd say you couldn't be bothered to respond to such an ungrateful missive and that they can hang onto it until he runs out of the stuff or flush it as far as you're concerned (ok maybe that's going a bit far).

MsMarvel · 31/12/2015 01:10

I would ask for it back to return it and then conveniently forget all about it.

Potatoface2 · 31/12/2015 01:10

text back 'who is this'...lol

Caprinihahahaha · 31/12/2015 01:13

Of course it's rude to not even include 'thank you'

I wouldn't reply.

BackInTheRealWorld · 31/12/2015 01:19

Rude. The proper etiquette is to thank giver profusely then wrap it back up and regift it to someone else!

Bogeyface · 31/12/2015 01:20

"I got it from Boots. By the way, you're welcome"

ohtheholidays · 31/12/2015 01:21

The kind of mood I'm in just lately I would have text back OH You Are So Fucking Welcome !!

Kryptonite · 31/12/2015 01:22

She worded it badly. Nothing wrong with saying it was a duplicate present, I'd rather the person receiving felt comfortable enough to say that they already had it if they did.
There's a way to say things, though.
Something along the lines of "Bob loved your present, thank you. Unfortunately he already has one of the items, so we were just wondering if you still had the receipt?"
I wouldn't have a problem with a message worded like that, I'd rather know so I could exchange it for them.

Katarzyna79 · 31/12/2015 01:25

i think the problem is texting. it can be impersonal, people can misinterpret things, it can lack emotion. Id ignore the text wait for a call then if she doesn't say thanks yes she is rude. based on text alone i wouldn't read so much into it, people try to keep texts short

BitOfFun · 31/12/2015 01:28

Texts used to be limited to a certain number of characters, but no longer, AFAIK. In any case, "thank you" is hardly waffle.

BitOfFun · 31/12/2015 01:33

So often on these threads people are told they don't have a MIL problem but a husband problem. I think in this case it's probably true.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 31/12/2015 01:46

Not just rude but very much ungrateful. His smelly stuff isn't going to last forever can't he use your gift when its gone.

kali110 · 31/12/2015 01:56

So rude!
Tell them to swap it with your husband's late present ( that they blatantly don't have) and never buy for again.

Toughasoldboots · 31/12/2015 02:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kryptonite · 31/12/2015 02:05

So often on these threads people are told they don't have a MIL problem but a husband problem. I think in this case it's probably true.

Wrong thread?!

BitOfFun · 31/12/2015 02:14

I think so, yes . Whoops.

StrictlyMumDancing · 31/12/2015 08:29

I have this with my ILs loads. In the last few years MIL, SIL and BIL have decided to actively slag off the presents they've been bought - now they don't get anything much from anyone and are upset by it.

Definitely suggest they return the bottle to you and keep DH's supposed aftershave and then you can at least exchange it yourself for something DH would like. YANBU, cheeky gits.

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