To wonder if you know anyone who has never really worked?

[doitanyways]

If so, how did their life pan out?

In particular, what did they do after retirement age?

[Birdsgottafly]

""Can you do that?
Pay lump sums of money into your state pension of you haven't got enough years?""

A quite Google will help answer some of your questions and should have links on where to get further help.

[Birdsgottafly]

Quick not quite.

[Badders123]

Thank you

[doitanyways]

Thanks :)

MrsD, I wasn't being misleading (I know you weren't accusing me of this, don't worry!) but I suppose wondering in a general sense what is going to become of him really. The problem is, when I don start threads with specifics they get few if any replies (not a criticism, I don't know what to say to me either!)

It's a vicious circle. He needs heavy intervention in terms of financial and emotional support. The more I try to provide the former the less I can provide the latter.

[doitanyways]

Well, trying to explain is REALLY tricky, as I don't think I'm able to put it particularly well.

But the line of work he is trained in (though has never 'really' worked in) has a professional body attached to it - I suppose the best equivalent is the GMC for doctors, though he isn't a doctor.

In 2010 he was investigated by them and suspended and this suspension lasted three years and he still has conditions of practice.

Anything you put to him whether that is getting a proper diagnosis or claiming benefits or anything at all, practically - has him screaming and shrieking about this professional body, it's honestly become like the bogeyman.

He just doesn't see himself as this vulnerable adult although of course he is. He sees himself as a genius, misunderstood by the world at large.

My heart aches for him but I am EXHAUSTED with it.

[doitanyways]

Problem is, stepping back would literally mean leaving the country. I could move, I suppose, but he would drive for hours to 'run something by you' then go!

I know it probably sounds stupid but I'm not sure what stepping back would look like. At the moment, I knew he was living in conditions that weren't great but it's been a while since I saw the house in daylight and it's not good, and it's going to get worse.

I suppose I feel responsible as he's just got no one else. He's isolated from society and people in ways that are difficult to explain. Having no car means that this will be ten times worse.

[mrsmilesmatheson]

My aunt. The only one of her sisters to get a uni degree, then got pregnant before finding a job, her boyfriend went to jail for drug dealing and she has never worked.

She's now 55 and constantly moans about living on benefits. Tells me I'm lucky to have a job, husband and house. I'm not lucky, I just worked hard and am fortunate with the opportunities I've had. I find her very hard work.

[doitanyways]

Sometimes it is luck.

I think I was born with fairly strong inner resources, my poor brother wasn't. I'm terrified of passing it on

[rarebeef]

My aunt never worked or raised children, she lived off family money sometimes or studied or lived with partners, spent some time on incapacity benefit, was switched to JSA which was a nightmare for her, until she was old enough to claim pension credit last year. She gets a tiny bit of basic state pension but pension credit tops it up to a minimum guaranteed amount. She gets HB which covers her council house rent in full, and all her council tax paid. She says she gets a lot more money on pension credit than she used to on JSA, so for those who have been on benefits long term it's not a drop in income but an improvement, especially with things like a free bus pass, and there aren't any demands like jobseeking or medical assessments to worry about.

Not everyone will qualify for state pension as it's fully dependent on NI contributions, but we looked into adding contributions for her and it wasn't cheap - £14 a week - and we got advice from Age UK that she'd qualify for pension credit anyway so it wasn't worth it. Pension credit depends on income and savings but not on NI contributions.

[doitanyways]

Oh, Maryz, it is absolutely awful in many ways, although our case is complex due to the fact that my mum (and dad, but far less so) would never accept the idea of him being autistic.

Looking back, I suspect my mum had some traits but she died when I was so young and there were other issues there too, namely alcohol - I just don't know.

I'm just buckling a bit It's just VERY unfortunate that we lost our parents relatively young and he is as he is.

[glentherednosedbattleostrich]

Most of my mother's family.

Out of 7 children 4 have never worked. They followed their fathers example, apparently basic training after ww2 left him traumatised (he didn't leave the country or do more than a month before he was discharged dishonourabley then did minimal work to the extent half the children were shipped off to institutions because the family couldn't look after them. My mum had a horrible childhood because of this).

The 4 who haven't worked had 26 children between them, most of whom have never worked. There are something like 30 children who will almost certainly follow this path. They live horrible lives and frankly are awful people. Mostly alcoholic as thats all they know and generally too awful even for Jeremy kyle. The cycle just continues and will until they die out.

[fidel1ne]

He just doesn't see himself as this vulnerable adult although of course he is. He sees himself as a genius, misunderstood by the world at large

Maybe he is both.

I'm sorry, I'm a bit confused, did I read or am I assuming that you suspect Aspergers?

[doitanyways]

I don't suspect it, it's pretty much a given but he refuses to formally get it diagnosed.

[Palomb]

I'm in the vast minority where we live as I work. Most of my local friends have never worked a day in their lives. One of my close friends is seriously clever, creative and has the best memory I've ever known but has never had a job. She has no confidence in herself.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Interesting thread. There are some people who would love to work but to bad health ect, or circumstances beyond their control, will never work, and the very few who don't want to work. I suppose if people get everything paid for them HB CT and money in their hand to play with. It begs the question what's the point in killing themselves slogging their guts out getting up at the crack of , every morning. In all kinds of elements. My beautiful recently departed mum worked from when she was 15 only taking 6 weeks breaks for maternity. Perhaps if she'd been on the dole all her working life she may have still been with us, but who's to say.

[fidel1ne]

Well 'genius' (V high IQ) and autism isn't an unusual pairing. Would appealing to his vanity work? You could emphasise that Aspergers puts him in illustrious intellectual company (?) Or would some kind of step by step plan back to his career be a way to present assessment (not dx - assessment) as a hurdle to be jumped? Something like a flow chart, or a spreadsheet - something concrete that would let him SEE the necessity, even if you both had to pretend he was kindly humouring you?

Is (another?) postgrad course or some other course a possibility? (More on the career revival theme.) Would he go for that? It would bring him into contact with professionals.

Sorry if this is way off the mark. I'm trying to get a feel for his reactions and thought processes.

[fidel1ne]

Yes NAS - good idea - they used to have a specialist employment service. It might still be going. But NAS would speak to you anyway.

[HoHoHoandaBottleOfRum]

SolidGoldBrass Wed 30-Dec-15 16:05:2


I always enjoy reading your posts, as ever a wonderful post.


Doing useless, tedious tasks to enrich a corporation is not 'contributing to society' in any way this x 10000

[ImtheChristmasCarcass]

Sometimes you just have to let them fall. My aforementioned brother is also an alcoholic. When he was working he was functional, but once he stopped working his drinking almost destroyed him. I helped him get sober more times than I can count, but he always fell back. I was more of a hindrance than a help as I was enabling him.

I finally had to tell him I was done. It nearly killed me but I told him not to contact me until he was sober. The only reason I was able to keep this resolve is that all this blew up at the same time DH and I took a preplanned vacation that meant that I was across the continent from him. Literally over 3000 miles away. DH made me block his number after he called me every 15 seconds for 3 hours in the middle of the night (I wouldn't answer). It was horrible. He ended up in a locked psychiatric ward after a suicide attempt. He was there for 10 days drying out and getting the psychological help he so desperately needed. He's now sober and getting the continuing counseling he needs and wants.

If it hasn't been suggested before (I've read your posts, but not all the replies ), if I were you I'd look into counseling for yourself. I saw a counselor to help me deal with my brother. It was the only thing that got me through it, the fact that I had a professional guiding my steps in order to help him.