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AIBU?

To think she stole more than i realised

61 replies

Teenagecrisisagain · 19/12/2015 22:19

A few months ago we had a cleaner. A really good very thorough cleaner who started to organise EVERYTHING for us and often sent texts like
"If you can't find something keep looking! I may have put it in wrong place!"

She was totally and utterly believable. Seemed nice and made our life a lot easier

I did start to notice I couldn't find things and put it down to me being disorganised or like she had said she may have put it in wrong place....
Couple of cardigans
Hair oil
Make up
Frozen dress
Etc etc

I went out one day and saw her. Wearing MY clothes. The ones I had 'lost'
Sacked her and as she refused to return key we changed locks.

This was months ago and over the last two weeks it has come to light that a couple of other items are also missing. A dress and another cardigan. I'm so upset and wondering....how much did she actually take from us and how could I have been so stupid ?

It was dh work party last night and it was my go to dress for occasions. I don't go out much so hadn't looked in the wardrobe it's in for a while and not for that dress anyway but I went to the side it's always in and it's gone :(

AIBU to still feel upset about this and to think she must have been taking stuff and quite a lot for a while

OP posts:

Report

Dipankrispaneven · 19/12/2015 23:06

When you saw the police before, did you know she had a record? If you tell them that now, they may take more interest. Apart from anything else, they need to check she's not doing the same thing to someone else right now.

cakedup · 19/12/2015 23:08

How awful! I think if the police were able to do something about it you would have felt you had some closure. However, I'm not sure you are ever going to get closure on this one. At some point you'll stop noticing things have gone missing and move on. Shocking thing to have happened though, I don't blame your reaction. What did she say when you saw her in the street with your clothes on - did you approach her?

Thing is, even if she appears to have got away with it this time, she is not going to stop stealing, and eventually she'll get caught.

Teenagecrisisagain · 19/12/2015 23:09

I honestly didn't think to google her, she was recommended by someone and after the initial meeting it didn't even cross my mind

She was so nice and helpful and reliable..... I was completely taken in. Yes I did tell the police o had googled her and what I'd found but it clearly made no difference it was just my word against hers I suppose with no actual 'proof'

OP posts:

Teenagecrisisagain · 19/12/2015 23:13

I saw her and started chatting before suddenly realising she seemed awkward.... Then I twigged and looked at her and couldn't believe it. I was having a conversation and thinking at same time "she's wearing my clothes ? They are mine ? The ones I couldn't find?" I was almost in a. Bit of shock as couldn't quite believe it

I said bye hastily went home and cried. Told dh then googled her and sent a text. She would not return the key though. I posted on here and then it took me a while to pluck up the courage to contact the police

OP posts:

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 19/12/2015 23:21

Something similar happened to my mother. Her cleaner stole narcotic pain medication. Mum asked all of us if we'd moved it as it wasn't something she took every day. She finally decided that perhaps she'd thrown it away by accident. About a month later she called the pharmacy to reorder it and was told that she'd picked up a refill earlier that week! We went to the pharmacy and someone had actually signed her name to the narcotics register! We went to the police and filed a report but they said there wasn't much they could do. She got a call from the police about 10 days later and was asked to come in to view CCTV as there had been another refill! Yep, there she was, Mum's cleaner! The police called her in and interviewed her and decided there wasn't enough 'evidence' because she told them that Mum had told her to pick up the refills, that she was 'confused' and 'elderly', which was bullshit. We were furious but there wasn't anything we could do.

Bottom line, go ahead and inform the police but don't expect them to do anything. Perhaps if she'd stolen expensive jewelry or valuable china or silver. But for clothing and some random items? Nope, they won't do anything. Not even for stolen narcotics.

BananaThePoet · 19/12/2015 23:22

It may be that the police would not do anything because there was no break in. I've seen a similar case in the newspapers and the couple who reported a nanny I think it was for doing the same thing were torn to pieces by the papers and made out to be maliciously making up the allegations because the nanny wouldn't work extra shifts or something. The nanny said the clothes etc had been gifts. But if you have texts showing her telling you to look harder for the things that went missing that would cover that argument. Police often don't follow stuff up because they think it isn't worth their effort. Another common thing they do is saying that the CPS won't go forward with the case and have rejected it for lack of evidence when they haven't even asked the CPS. It is all a bit depressing. Sorry you had this experience.

mathanxiety · 19/12/2015 23:32

I would definitely show the list of people the first woman recommended this cleaner to, and I would try to contact these people personally too.

mathanxiety · 19/12/2015 23:33

*to the police

Outaboutnowt · 19/12/2015 23:40

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. I remember your original thread earlier this year.
I think it's the breach of trust and wondering the extent of what you don't know that is the most upsetting.

People assume if you call the police that they will just lock someone like this up but I know (from experience) that it doesn't work like that.
I think you do need to pester them a bit more.

The last time we were burgled was by a guy my brother went to school with.
The fuckwit didn't only leave finger prints and saliva dna behind (he had a beer whilst the burglary took place ) but he also dropped his ID on the way out.
The police looked into it, seemed utterly disinterested from the beginning, and never even chased it up with an arrest.
So frustrating.

CherryPits · 19/12/2015 23:59

Small claims court. And she can cough up any expenses to do with taking her there too. Do you have photos of you in any of these clothes? Get as much evidence / ammunition as you can and take her to court.

Dipankrispaneven · 20/12/2015 00:13

No point going to the small claims court. OP would have to find out where she lives now, and you can bet she'd disappear before any judgment could be enforced.

kittypaws · 20/12/2015 00:27

it really is hurtful when someone steals from you, go back to the police and see if they can help although they probably wont as it isnt jewels or phones, but you can still try. I wouldnt obsess over it though, its a lesson learned.

MindfulBear · 20/12/2015 00:35

sorry to hear this OP. I would report the additional missing items to the police but dont expect anything to come of it.

I would also talk to the other people the friendly friend had recommended this cleaner to. She wont just have stolen from you & sadly the elderly are vunerable.

An elderly relative of ours was slowly stolen from, over many years, by a number of cleaners and carers. One even cleared the deep freezer!!!!
It was very sad because this elderly lady wanted to give a piece of family jewellery to her great niece one day and it was never ever found. The realisation that it had been stolen was a very bitter one, especially as during the search most of her pieces were found to have gone. The poor woman had had a stroke a number of years before and had not been upstairs or into her front room since. These people had free reign to take whatever they fancied.

Makes me sick they are not stopped.

Strokethefurrywall · 20/12/2015 00:43

Jesus fucking Christ, and the police wonder why people take the law into their own hands.

I'd go and beat the clothes right off her body then take all the money in her purse to pay to replace the rest of the stuff she stole, but that's me. If going down the correct channels doesn't stop her then may be a broken nose would. Bitch.

Viviennemary · 20/12/2015 00:54

I think you should contact the police if you are absolutely sure these things are missing. Because she'll go on and steal from somebody else and may take even more valuable things.

GarlicCake · 20/12/2015 01:20

Oh, bloody hell. Poor you! At the very least, I'd report it again to the cops and get an incident number. You should be able to claim the missing stuff on your insurance - assuming it comes to more than your excess. I'd also consider telling the local paper AND your local Age UK.

Sorry you've had a run-in with an habitual thief. This is NOT normal, most people are kind and honest!

GarlicCake · 20/12/2015 01:22

Oh, no, MindfulBear, what a depressing story. Agree with your idea about contacting her other customers.

Littlefluffyclouds81 · 20/12/2015 03:20

I had an intruder in my house in April, and the police attended that night after I called 999. Then I had some more information that I wanted to tell them, and it took nearly a month for the officer to come back. When he arrived, he apologised profusely, and said that the area he covers, which is huge, only had one officer covering it at a time, when there used to be 5. This all changed since the Tories got in in 2010. So they found themselves constantly firefighting the most important incident, and having to let people down as something like an RTA might happen in an adjacent area which needed more than one officer, and he'd have to go there.

So you can see how things like stolen clothes could easily just not get dealt with, which is wrong of course, but I don't think it's fair to say the police aren't interested.

DiscoDiva70 · 20/12/2015 04:22

I'd also go back to the police and report other items missing as even if they can't actually do anything at the moment it could be put on record.

Also, considering this cleaner has form for dishonesty, imo there's a good chance she's doing her 'cleaning' on the side and therefore you could always inform hmrc or the dwp if you think she is.

rainbowstardrops · 20/12/2015 04:36

Definitely call the police again. I wonder how many others she's stolen from?

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 20/12/2015 05:05

you should go back to the police and demand to know why the report of theft and the refusal to return your key wasnt taken more seriously the first time.

You sound a bit like me, don't like to make too much of a fuss and easily fobbed off for an easy life but seriously she has totally taken the piss and you should not have to tolerate it.

If she's shoplifted two cardigans the police would not be dismissing it so lightly.

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 20/12/2015 06:23

I'm so sorry for you, OP. It's a horrible feeling that you have been exploited by someone. The police should take this seriously, especially if she is slso cleaning for vulnerable older people.

I would also alert the charity your friend volunteers for, as I suspect they have very clear rules about boundaries for volunteers, and that she has overstepped them. Psrt of her role as a volunteer might be to support prisoners in job-seeking after release, but that would be by attending the job centre with them, or helping them fill in application forms. It's not putting them in touch with people where the ex-prisoner will be in a position of trust, especially where the people employing her aren't made aware of her background. The charity needs to know this so they can address it.

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KERALA1 · 20/12/2015 09:03

Horrid.

My sister and her friends all paid £2k each as deposit and first months rent to a plausible letting agent fir a student house. He vanished with the money, the house was full if other tenants. Police wouldn't do anything.

Teenagecrisisagain · 20/12/2015 09:05

I actually do have her address which I have to the police earlier in the year when I originally reported. When I googled her the road was mentioned them on her fb there was something with the full address so I was able to tell them

I considered going myself to ask for my stuff and key back but tbh was too scared after reading about her past and I reported instead
It horrible that she stole and it upset me but really what got me more was the fact she was so nice and chatty and seemed so genuine. I did not for one moment suspect anything and if I hadn't gone out that day and bumped into her I may never have realised !

OP posts:

Teenagecrisisagain · 20/12/2015 09:06

The volunteering was through a church group but I'm assuming they would have the same rules ?

OP posts:

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