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AIBU?

AIBU to expect a present

30 replies

Samantha2014 · 13/12/2015 13:05

Hi
I'm new to mumsnet so hi everyone.
AIBU to expect a present for my partner for his birthday from my brothers and sister.
Considering I always buy for them and there partners.
I've been with the father of my children for 8 years now so it's not that they don't know him. They all love him. So why wouldn't they get him a little something.
I find it embarrassing as his family always buy me birthday present
Please let me know what you think

Thanks in advance

OP posts:

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PrincessMouse · 13/12/2015 17:14

IMO, I think YABU. I don't buy my BIL, SIL and I never bought ex-SIL presents. Never even crossed my mind. I don't even know when their birthdays are. The don't buy for me and my family don't buy for DH. The kids, yes I think a little gesture is good but I definitely wouldn't expect it from in laws even if I did buy my in laws presents.

Viviennemary · 13/12/2015 16:59

Most families have their own customs. If you buy for your sister and brother's partners then they should buy a present for your partner. If they don't and it bothers you then stop buying them presents. as you can't actually say hey you lot where is my Dp's present.

SevenSeconds · 13/12/2015 16:59

I don't buy my SIL a birthday present, in fact my brother and I don't give each other presents either, only cards. We give each other's DC presents though.

Strangertides1 · 13/12/2015 16:48

This happen with me and my sis. I always bought for her dh and they never buy for my dh, no issues. So I stopped buying for her dh, I just send a happy birthday text. She never mentioned it as she doesn't have any defence. Simply stop buying for your siblings partners.

reni2 · 13/12/2015 16:37

I don't buy for my sister's or my SIL's dhs. They don't for me. We are all quite close and on really good term. It might be different if they buy for their other BIL and SIL though.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 13/12/2015 16:29

We didn't even get a wedding gift off my DH sister and her DH even though their daughter was a bridesmaid and we'd bought them an anniversary gift the week before.

Me624 · 13/12/2015 16:15

I don't know how these things work out but in my family, we buy Christmas presents for my DB and DSis's other halves (and they buy for my DH) but not birthdays, although we do send a card. On DH's side, we buy for his sister's DH and they buy for me for birthdays and Christmas. We all do the same though so it's all "fair" - I can see why you feel aggrieved if you buy for their OH's but they don't buy for yours.

lemonslemonslemons · 13/12/2015 14:43

We never buy for our brothers in law. I have 2 sisters and we do each Thera birthdays but not each other's husbands' birthdays.

Arfarfanarf · 13/12/2015 13:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluecheese22 · 13/12/2015 13:47

My sis and I have always bought for each others partners. And we have a family meal on each persons birthday... My parents, me, sis, dps & kids.

IamCarcass · 13/12/2015 13:36

Wouldn't give one, Wouldn't expect one. We don't have that kind of relationship however my BIL did set aside an entire afternoon to help us with DIY. Better than a gift really.

Postchildrenpregranny · 13/12/2015 13:33

No not everyone does express love and acceptance through presents. I 'dropped' birthday- present giving (except for children up to age 18) with friends and family, by mutual concent , when my DH was made redundant many years ago. We simply couldn't afford it . A lot of my friends and family are scattered over UK so it meant posting as well . We kept giving inexpensive family Christmas presents (very small family), as we see family at Christmas time . We have 'marked' big (65th) birthdays and major wedding (25th and 40th) anniversaries . I think a lot of people were relieved .
But then I can never understand why people who live in the same house give each other birthday and Christmas cards ...

WorraLiberty · 13/12/2015 13:32

Some people just really like buying gifts OP and you're obviously one of them.

But not everyone is like that, so it may well be that your sister's partner etc, would rather you didn't because they don't want to get into the whole gift buying thing?

KikiShack · 13/12/2015 13:21

I used to be in exactly this position OP.
It was very difficult for me but I pulled on my big girl pants and called my family up and told them that out hurt and upset me and that I'd really appreciate it if in future they'd halve the budget for my pressie and get DP a pressie with the other half.
They all agreed and I don't think any budgets are halved. For me it just felt the right way to ask.
Sometimes one or other brother will forget. We (DP and i) just laugh it off now. I'm (at the grand old age of 36) finally realising that although I express love and family-acceptance in presents, not everyone else does. My brothers don't. They love my DP but in this regard are a bit shit and thoughtless. It's just who they are.
I don't hold with this 'YABU I never expect a present from anyone' stuff btw. If you're family and get on well and buy each other presents then of course you expect a present for a long term DP too. Anything else is weird/lazy.

Krampus · 13/12/2015 13:17

If you don't feel you can talk to them without ww3 breaking out I would stop buying. They probably won't even notice!

gamerchick · 13/12/2015 13:16

I don't even buy for my brothers and only do a Facebook happy birthday and visa versa. I can't stand their partners so don't even do that.

If it bugs you then just buy for your siblings only.

Greengardenpixie · 13/12/2015 13:16

Never expect gifts would be my answer.

AliceInUnderpants · 13/12/2015 13:15

You don't give gifts to receive! It's not a gift if it comes with rules!

Krampus · 13/12/2015 13:15

Ask them, you could do it under the guise of how you all want to handle adult birthday presents in the future. Are we just doing presents for only siblings now?

Do they know when his birthday is? Do you know if your siblings buy for other partners, or is yours singled out?

Neither side of our families bother with sibling birthday presents and cards at all, let alone partners.

Samantha2014 · 13/12/2015 13:14

Thank you for all your comments x

OP posts:

DeltaZeta · 13/12/2015 13:14

I agree, if it's an issue then stop buying for them. You are under no obligation to buy a gift if you don't want to.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 13/12/2015 13:13

Yabu, if it bothers you that much then stop buying for them, but it is unreasonable to buy a gift then expect one back. They are adults they can choose who they wish to buy for, as can you.

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Samantha2014 · 13/12/2015 13:12

If you don't buy for them then I don't think it's a problem.
Maybe I should stop buying for them then it wouldn't bother me I suppose

OP posts:

DeltaZeta · 13/12/2015 13:12

Well, it depends really. When I was married, my parents used to send my DH something on his birthday but my siblings never did. That was normal for us.

I don't think you should expect presents just because you send them though. Surely you don't give because you expect something back?

You say you find this embarrassing. Is your DH bothered?

Samantha2014 · 13/12/2015 13:11

Well my sister has been with her partner for 4 years and I buy for him. They don't bother with my oh
I have 3 brothers and 1 sister.
Only 1 brother has got him a card
I always buy for all the partners
Trust me if I brought it up it would cause arguments. You can't have a conversation with my family!! They take it way to personally

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