to have a serious chat with our au pair about my expectations?

[Honesttodog]

Feeling a bit stressed about this and would like some advice about how not to get a positive result.

Au pair has been slightly slack, her main job is getting kids up, tidying up after brekkie, picking up kids at various times, helping out at supper, doing bath and occasional bed but i mostly do bed.

However, we are a bit of an untidy family due to coming and going a lot, lots of toys and lots of rooms to spread crap around in.

I need the au pair to step up and be more tidy and be a good example to the kids with keeping tidy.

She regularly leaves the dinner table with food all over it, leave kitchen surfaces dirty, collections of mugs in her bedroom, doesn't think to pick up toys while kids are in bath... lots of small things which are all aggravating me because i know that if I don't sort out all these small messes, they will stay there till cleaner comes.

I want to have a chat with her about being more tidy, mindful of leaving a room tidy when she takes the kids upstairs - so toys back in boxes, blankets in tv room folded... but I am worried i am just going to sound like a whiny bitch if I itemize everything. However other advice i have read is just to specify everything you want done if you want it to get done. We have had her for 3 months and I admit, i have let things fester a bit which i know is a big no-no.

It feels tricky because she is not naturally tidy and every other person who has ever cared for our kids has been naturally tidy, wouldn't leave the kitchen in a mess if babysitting etc.

Part of me just wants to get a different au pair but I know she is really enjoying her time here and is still a bit immature, and part of being an au pair is gaining a bit of maturity!!!

Any advice on keeping things positive between us while having The Chat?

[oliveoyl72]

Doing so much? That's her job to take care of the children - cook, clean, play, teach.

An au pair's duties may include:

waking up the children
taking/picking up children to/from school
helping with school homework
playing with the children
taking the children on outings to parks, playgroups and other activities
preparing light meals for children and clean up after the meals
doing the children’s laundry and ironing their clothes
making the children’s beds
tidying up the children's toys
cleaning the children’s bathroom
cleaning the children's room

[Lovelydiscusfish]

The only bit of your OP I found unreasonable, OP, was the bit about the dirty mugs in her room. I think you're perfectly entitled to ask her (to the extent of her unqualified, probably poorly paid, ability and willingness) to clean up after herself in her working time, and encourage the dc to do the same.
But surely she is allowed a room of her own. Providing she has not stolen ALL your mugs, and providing her room is not a playground for diseases, then surely it is up to her what happens when she stays there.

[SuperFlyHigh]

Just out of interest (I agree with the star chart idea oliveoyl) is AP expected to clean her own bedroom? Does cleaner do that?

My suggestions earlier as AP is still a teenager still count, she's probably not overly organised re tidying and it's her first or second job most likely there as well.

It seems here as if boundaries re tidying and duties as oliveoyl set out haven't been set from word go with OP, then she'd know exactly what she has to do and not guess work.

Incidentally my nana had au pairs (French) when my mum was a teenager but apparently they did very little did invite my mum on holidays to Montpellier etc

My mum also had au pairs for us as a kid and they included the vast majority of oliveoyls duties but my mum also had a cleaner so they weren't set in stone re cleaning. I honestly can't recall if we tidied after ourselves etc but we didn't have homework. Our APs were generally part of the family, friendly towards everyone (family and friends) and confidantes for me and my brother. We were older then though about 6 and 8.

[MrsJayy]

You need a nanny and cleaner not an Au pair you are a messy family clear your own shit first then maybe aupair will see raising standards and do the same perhaps have your kids pick up after themselves this young person is not your family skivvy

[Brightnorthernlights]

Just bust out laughing in school library,

Exwifebeginsat40...

Thanks!!

[SuperFlyHigh]

MrsJayy the family have a cleaner as M48294Y helpfully posted out whilst vigourously defending OP!