To make an excuse and cancel on long planned girly weekend...

[SugarDoh]

This is going to sound a really silly post and I'll try to put it as succinctly as possible but I really struggle to fit in with people. I like my own company, when I have free time I just want to be with my husband and children, I don't crave lots of friends and have a few very close friends but that is it. I am socially awkward, I don't like small talk and am really bad at it, I struggle not to think about the complexities of things. For example if you talk to me about a nice bag in a shop, my mind will start thinking about the consumerist culture, materialism, the impact that has on society the planet etc - I know I am too serious in thought for most people. I'm also not great at knowing when I've upset someone or what the right thing to say when etc. I've learnt to hide all of this, that it isn't socially acceptable to debate the political, social or environmental factors of every thing and it bores most people (probably rightly so) but I do think deeply about everything. This isn't to say I don't have fun and laugh and play about but my form of relaxing in my children, playing with leaves, enjoying nature, being outside, walking my dog, talking to my husband (who is a lot like me in this respect!) etc.
I'm not a fun party person. I don't like confined spaces and feel trapped, and I don't like going to new places that much and I don't like being touched by people I don't have an intimate relationship with. I feel very unconfident in large groups etc.
Quite a few months ago I was invited on a girly spa-type weekend with a nice bunch of women I know. I said yes in a moment of madness as actually I actively wanted to push myself outside of my comfort zone and try to be more social and was genuinely touched to be invited along. Now this spa weekend thing is coming up I am dreading it - I think I'll bore everyone if I do try to join in and look boring and quiet if I don't. I think I have different values and views to this group and just think I'll end up irritated or irritating. I don't want to have any treatments and the idea of a sauna sends me spinning. I don't want to be away in a strange place for a night and think it'll be a waste of my time when I could be with my children. I'm happy to pay my share and not go. I know I shouldn't have said yes in a moment of madness, I do like them all but I'm getting increasingly anxious about it...
I don't think I'm (or at least hope I'm not) an awful person, I just don't think I fit in or am the type of person they will like but I really don't want to offend them either. Should I get out of this and if so how can I do it politely (most of them are school mums or associated with husbands work)

[ExasperatedAlmostAlways]

I do stuff like this all the time, agree to social things in advance then start to dread it when it gets close. Iv cancelled occasionally and felt relief and not cancelled others and enjoyed them. Do what you feel you should do to make yourself feel better but if they have invited you, it's because they want you there and enjoy your company.

[teatowel]

They wouldn't have asked you if they didn't like you just the way you are!

[batshitlady]

I thought she meant 'girly' as in - there would be loads of women going.

[BeeBawBabbity]

I think you sound lovely, and interesting.

I also think you should go, I bet you would be surprised at how much you enjoy it. Don't have any treatments if you don't want to.

Your friends like you and want you there. Your family will still be there when you get home, and you can spend countless other weekends with them. Friends are important.

But if you decide not to go I don't think they'll be offended. They probably won't think about it as deeply as you are!

[theycallmemellojello]

Obviously women don't have to like girly stuff. But not liking stuff BECAUSE it's girly is self hating. 'Oh no, I couldn't do that, it's so stereotypically female.' Would you be cool with people going round saying - oh I hate doing black/Jewish/gay stuff? Nope.

[sorenoggin]

Don't go. You are a grown up. Life is way too short to do stuff you don't want to do with people you don't want to do it with.

It won't 'do you good'...It will be stressful and full of anxiety. You sound happy enough with your family. Stick with them!

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

Can you just go for the day, or part of the day? I was invited to a lovely friend's hen do where I didn't really know anybody and they were going to a nearby spa. I went for the Saturday morning, had prior engagements in the afternoon and went back for a meal in the evening (bowed out of the nightclub). It was nice, I felt good that I'd participated in the hen do, but also balanced it so it wasn't so stressful for me.

I don't usually do spa treatments but I read up on what was available and rang the venue to chat about them. I booked a head massage and it was lovely. I got to keep my clothes on and I was tucked up under a blanket and very nearly fell asleep.

If not, bow out politely and maybe try to make a smaller event with these ladies if they seem nice and you'd like to see them.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Nice side-stepping of the point, Jello.
I don't hate "girly stuff" because it is called "girly stuff" - I just hate the sort of stuff it typifies.
AND I hate the supposition that I must like it because I am female.
This does not equate to me hating all girly stuff because it is stereotypically female, that is a logical fallacy.