To be annoyed with DH ex

[florencerusty]

Would it be beyond the realms of possibly for the bloody mother and stepfather of ss to do one bloody trip once in a while to either drop him off or collect him. It's 100 miles each way and they moved away rather than DH. SS is early teen so cant travel alone. DH left for work at 5.30 yesterday morning and didnt get home until gone 9 last night. This for a day and a half of access! Oh and come tomorrow he will do another 4 hours on the road taking him home. I mean meet half way ffs.

Before I get slated I have been a SP a long time and this is the most unreasonable ex I have ever come across.
Bang goes any sort of family weekend.

[TimeToMuskUp]

As RP I moved away, only 30 minutes away but still, away. So we do 50/50 and always have. I'd be mad to think my Ex could or would spend weekends driving all over the place t suit me; raising children is a compromise.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

lunar

Perhaps they were thinking about their childs needs and those did require moving away.

There are many valid and acceptable reasons why a family may have to move away from other family members and where it would be in the childs best interests

[Fairenuff]

I don't see any point in speculating until/unless OP comes back to tell us why her dh agreed to it. That's the starting point imo.

[SouthAmericanCuisine]

The way I see it she has as much responsibility as my husband for dc.

That's pretty unique, lunchbox. I'd never be willing to view my DDs stepmum as having equal responsibility for DD with myself and my ex.

[m1nniedriver]

Zzzzz, that's completely different. I have a lot of family mbers who work away from home. They have daily updates/converstTions with their children. They spend all their time off with their children. You can't compare that to a RP moving a NRPs children hundreds of miles away then refusing to do any of the travel to aid contact? Or perhaps you are, in which case, you're wrong!

Needasock - last time we had an issue it was the solicitor who sent letters to the mother, the letters which made her change her ridiculous plans. A judge can stop a RP parent moving if it is detrimental to their relationship with a heavily involved NRP, or if they move can 'force' the RP to do/finance some of the traveling. It's called a prohibitive steps order. It may not be the solicitor that actually inforces it but the solicitor will do the legal necessaries (seeing as we're splitting hairs here)

[Thesearegoodtimes]

I did put my child first lunar. It's why I moved.

[m1nniedriver]

The way I see it she has as much responsibility as my husband for dc.

You do know she actually doesn't though don't you? If she takes on that responsibility it is because she is a decent person and is entirely at her discretion what responsibility she has. Too funny

[newstart15]

I had a friend who moved her child many hours from the dad to a remote area to be with a new partner but then refused to do any travelling. Her ex looked for work in the area but it has low employment rates so unless he stopped working he didn't have much of a choice.

The mother made it almost impossible for him to see their child as she imposed 7am pickups (so he would need to leave home at 3am).

The ex took her to court (after mediation) and she was forced to drive some of the way...but that caused her to be even more resentful. The child's life has been awful as a result of the conflict.

I do think we need guidelines for separating parents - Australia does not allow parents to move away (over a certain distance from either parent). Doing so does impact the child as they spend their childhood travelling and they miss the NRP (usually dad) being involved in day to day life.

[MascaraAndConverse]

Lunchpack She actually has nowhere near as much responsibility for the DC as you and your ex, married or not. She didn't give birth to them. No wonder she's pissed off having you dictate to her what her responsibilities are regarding your children.

[Oswin]

Well if lunchpacks dcs step mum has an issue she should take it up with her husband not lunchpack. Not lunchpacks problem.

[LunchpackOfNotreDame]

I didn't say she has as much as me and my ex. I said as my husband. Who is dc's other step parent. In my case the stepmum wants responsibility for all the fun stuff (concerts and the like) but none of the shit stuff (contact runs, taking to parties etc)

[MascaraAndConverse]

Well going by lunchpack's attitude based on recent posts, I'd say she has quite a huge influence on whether her DC's SM feels forced in to ferrying the children around. It's not just her husband who she should be pissed off at.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

I know it's called a prohibited steps order minn1e, it is certainly not the slam dunk obtaining them that some posters think.

[LunchpackOfNotreDame]

I'd say she has quite a huge influence on whether her DC's SM feels forced in to ferrying the children around. It's not just her husband who she should be pissed off at.

What she does or doesn't so isn't my concern. All I care about is an adult from their household collects my dc for their contact arrangement and brings them home again afterwards. The ins and outs of the logistics of which adult does it is for the ex and his Mrs to discuss in the privacy of their home

[Oswin]

I do think in this case the RP could meet halfway. I do wonder though in a thread a while ago, a nrp and sp moved away, can anyone remember it? Did the stepparents commenting here comment on that thread. I know South I have seen you in previous names sticking up for nrps who move for work.
Its been stated lots of times over on the sp board that the rp has to accept the nrp moving away because that's how maintenance is paid.
So the digs here at the ex is very odd.

[MascaraAndConverse]

Well that's your husband's choice isn't it? Just as M1nnie said, it's at your children's SM's discretion whether she decides to do the driving around. It's a big ask.

And so what if she takes them to concerts? Are you jealous/ bitter about that or something?Things like contact runs, parties, hobby runs just aren't her automatic responsibility. That's between you and your ex. And if your DH decides to do that then that doesn't mean she should have to. His choice, not hers.

[LunchpackOfNotreDame]

Surely any self respecting adult would ensure a child is safely transported to wherever they need to be?

I don't know where you're getting this perception of bitterness from when I'm really very laid back about this all. If there is any bitterness on this thread it's from the step parents.

As long as my dc are safe and happy then what they do on contact weekends is not my concern.

[LunchpackOfNotreDame]

Travel is contact time though.

The way I see it is it's a set period of time 1:1 with the child. That's precious time to spend talking to them, getting to know them. Unless you plug them into a phone and ignore them?

[m1nniedriver]

This is indeed 1 of the joys of being a SP you do get all the fun things and the choice of how much responsibility you take and when you take it.

[MascaraAndConverse]

Any self respecting Stepparent would have the ability to say no if they wanted to, rather than that decision be made for them.

[LunchpackOfNotreDame]

Any self respecting Stepparent would have the ability to say no if they wanted to, rather than that decision be made for them

Then they have no cause for complaint if the rp or child turned to them and refused to include them in conversations.

Opt in or opt out. Don't do this half arsed wanting it all your way without respecting any of the other parties.

[HughGrantsHair]

New start 15 - would that apply to the NRP too? Should they be stopped from moving away? Or is it only the RP who shouldn't move away from the NRP?

[MascaraAndConverse]

Good god I'm glad I'm not your child's Stepmum if that's what your logic is. Sounds like a bloody nightmare.

[LunchpackOfNotreDame]

What. Leaving you to get on with it with the ex? Must be awful not having someone to fight with