BIL has almost assaulted DP in front of 5YO DSD. We need advice

[yorkshirepuddingacademy]

Hi all we live next door to DP's brother and his GF. DP's brother is 10 years older than DP and they have never gotten on well. Their dad died when they were all young (DP wasn't even born) and he passed most of his assets (including a large amount of land) on to BIL who was 10 at the time.

He has incessantly bullied his mother and DP for years now, he has always known that he has some sort of control over them due to what he has inherited and has used this as a stick to beat them both with. He will pick fights with DP for little or no reason at all and already has a criminal record for GBH against DP which he got around 7 years ago.

We have always tried to keep ourselves to ourselves and keep out of their way but it's proving difficult. They're doing everything they can to make life difficult, whether it's moving wheelie bins to almost inaccessible places or making it difficult for DP to run his business (which is at home, BIL also has a business but it is not based here. He just lives here)

Anyway I have been at work today and came back and was told the tale of an altercation between DP and his brother. BIL was waiting outside our house for DP to come in with DSD for his dinner. BIL started shouting his mouth off about a ratchet strap that DP had used and supposedly frayed whilst using it (DP says IT was frayed already and that BIL had bought it second hand) BIL says that he had bought these £20 second hand straps to move equipment worth thousands of pounds and that they are now unusable due to DP allegedly fraying them. DP told him to calm down and said he would buy him some new ones but told him he was stupid to use straps to move such expensive equipment. DSD was witness to all of this. BIL then started to square up to DP and told DSD to move away from him. She refused and clung on to DP, BIL then forcibly removed DSD from DP and put her through the door in our kitchen.

This made DP see red and they grabbed each other by the scruff of the neck and started shoving each ther around. When DP came back in the house DSD had wet herself, she is not in habit of doing this and must've been so scared and upset. DP them said to his brother "do you feel like a big man now? Frightening a 5 YO so much that she wets herself" to which he replied "I couldn't give a shit about her."

I'm so mad I feel sick. I knew he was a piece of work but to put a 5 YO child through that is just horrendous. She hasn't been herself all afternoon. What do we do?? Is there anything we can do officially? We've started logging everything that happens. He's just making it so difficult for us all. Himself and his GF have both openly admitted that they don't like children but I never thought he'd stoop as low as he has done.

We can't move because DPs business is here, it really isn't an option and why the hell should we? We're trying to make the best of everything

[Inertia]

The key thing that stood out to me from your post is that 'BIL then forcibly removed DSD from DP and put her through the door in our kitchen.'

Though it's not clear whether this caused any mark to left on your DSD- and if I were her parent I'd check- this is definitely something I'd be reporting to the police, along with the possible harassment of DH.

[Notimefortossers]

Are you close to your family? Could you explain your situation and ask about your Grandad's farm and if you might be able to use it?

[Silvertap]

Liquid that isn't the way it works. A farming father would not 'certainly' leave the land split between children. It's a business and many farms can only continue if handed down intact in one lot.

My concern for the op is that if mil dies and her will splits her assets 50:50 then her and her dh might not have a business and their income may cease. The bil sounds like a nasty piece of work (although your dp doesn't sound comepletely blameless) and if your livelihood is farming j think they need a far more future proof aggressive strategy.

[AgentZigzag]

'I'm not happy I'm worried sick. Things calmed down a hell of a lot until a couple of months ago.'

If you stay you're effectively accepting that the phases of it being OKis/total hell are going to go on indefinitely.

Something is going to have to give at some point to break the cycle and that could mean that he gets worse over time and any violence escalates or that you give him the big fuck off and move away.

What would happen to the farm if you and your DP moved? Would he be scuppered?

[MaddyinaPaddy]

This made DP see red and they grabbed each other by the scruff of the neck and started shoving each ther around.

Then they are both as bad as each other.Why did your DP not turn his back and walk away?

[amarmai]

He was 'walking away' with his d when the b seized the d and pushed her into the house so he fight the other b. The one is not as bad as the other.As far as farm inheritances are concerned the law is not different from other inheritances. All the cc should share equally but the mother should have come first. The father did not know that a 2nd child would be born after his death. All farm families do not do as has been suggested. Get legal advice.

[MaddyinaPaddy]

He was 'walking away' with his d when the b seized the d and pushed her into the house so he fight the other

where do you get that from? Have re- read OPs post and can't see anything about the DP walking away?

[Bulbasaur]

So two brothers have a temper and got in a fight, frightening DSD to the point of wetting her pants. This is unacceptable behavior from both of them. There is no "try" to walk away, your DP clearly chose not to. He could have called the police instead for assaulting his daughter and handled it that way. Instead they both chose violence.

Can she live with her mother for a bit while you guys get his sorted? This is not a good situation for a child to be in.

You might want to think if this is a situation you personally want to stay in. If you don't have kids with him yet, is this the situation you want to bring a baby into? I wouldn't.

Get legal advice, sure. But think about what you want out of this relationship. Because this sort of stress isn't a situation I'd want to be in.

[LargeGoldAtrociousCunt]

I haven't rift but have you posted before op? about your bil and mil? possibly about your dp sending mil to collect dsd? Sorry if I am getting confused with another poster.

If it was you, You need to move now, things are not getting better and you will be so much happier away from it all.

[amarmai]

op's partner was walking away with the dsd with the ob grabbed the sds and pushed her into the house. Guess that bit doesn't fit into your pov.

[19lottie82]

amarmai where does the OP say that?

[amarmai]

another person who wants me to read for them?!

[ComposHatComesBack]

No armani just for you to stop imagining stuff that isn't there.

The op wrote:

IL then started to square up to DP and told DSD to move away from him. She refused and clung on to DP, BIL then forcibly removed DSD from DP and put her through the door in our kitchen.

This made DP see red and they grabbed each other by the scruff of the neck and started shoving each ther around.

Where is the reference to her partner trying to walk away. He told his daughter to move away whilst he was squaring up to his brother, he was doing the exact opposite of walking away from the situation.

[ChristineDePisan]

If DP wasn't even born when his dad died, then the estate was settled a very very long time ago and I doubt it is possible to challenge it now. And in any case, on what ground? A judge would probably look at the situation where MiL owns most of it, DB owns a parcel of land at the top and allows grazing on it, and DP has access to it to earn a living.

I would be more concerned about what is in MiL's will (how does she intend to pass on her assets?) and save any legal challenge for further down the road...

In the meantime, is it actually feasible to have zero direct contact with BiL? If not, then an injunction isn't going to work. I would still consider other options to get away, for all your sakes

[Celerysoup3]

Why can't you move? Can't your business move too?

[spanisharmada]

People don't just read the OP read the further updates, they clarify things!

[amarmai]

waiting to see if any of these people who are so quick to attack and insult are going to apologise after they read further on . Any bets?

[Scoobydoo8]

Sounds an awful situation - why was DBil given the barn? but what happens if DMIL passes on, surely you will be kicked out as both sons will have a claim on the farm.

Can't believe you haven't got legal advice about it all.

[AgentZigzag]

'He told his daughter to move away whilst he was squaring up to his brother,'

I read it as the BIL telling OPs DSD to move Compo, ie 'get off your Dad's leg before I have a go at him'.

OP said 'BIL then started to square up to DP and told DSD to move away from him'.

Her DP then tried to get to his DD knowing she was already upset and put himself between her and his brother but was stopped by his brother having him by the scruff of the neck (although I might be doing the same as amarmai and filling in any gaps with what I imagined to have happened )

[ComposHatComesBack]

Agent I read the "he" as the child's father trying to usher his daughter out of the way and then the uncle forcibly removing her. Either which way it doesn't fit the scenario that amarmai has imagine.

Either way they both acted like a pair of prize bellends and it seems a massive drama over a few darkly muttered threats and a bit of pushing and shoving. I can imagine in a few weeks' time one or both of them will be in the pub telling their mates about how they were the wronged party and the confrontation turned into the gunfight at the OK Coral.

[yorkshirepuddingacademy]

Sorry just to clarify, BIL told DSD to move out of the way and she wouldn't which led to him grabbing her and putting her in the house, DP was trying to get to her but BIL was stood in the way of the door jabbing him in the stomach and got him by the scruff of his neck so DP got him by the scruff off his neck to move him out of the way to get to DSD.

BIL has always been a nasty piece of work. Every one seems to be slagging off DP but at the end of the day if a 6"3' man had aggressively grabbed hold of one of your DC's and then stood in the way so that you couldn't get back to them I think you'd be pretty pissed off too and would try and get him out of the way to get to your DC.

[yorkshirepuddingacademy]

Plus he had been spoiling for a slanging match the night before calling DP a cunt because he had allegedly left a gate open and was letting his GF's hens out (they can hop on to the gate and get over anyway) DP just walked off and said that he always shuts gates.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

I'd have seen red too op if some big bloke had manhandled my child then prevented me getting to them.

It sounds like an awful situation and I have nothing in the way of advice that hasn't already been mentioned. I would however be seeking an injunction to protect myself and my family - he sounds volatile actually and could be quite unpredictable.

[yorkshirepuddingacademy]

He's very volatile. A lot of his workers have left this year due to his temper and aggression.

We dotted know whether it's stress that makes him like this or the fact that he's been spoilt, maybe a bit of both but deep down I think he needs some sort of help!

[grapejuicerocks]

So what does mils will say?