AIBU to have a word with NDN

[fortifiedwithtea]

NDN is a single dad with currently just his youngest dd at home. She is the same age as my DD1. They sat their AS levels this summer.

Last day of the exams I posted in AIBU because the dd next door was having a party and all I could hear was her bf through the wall prefixing every sentencing with "fuck" or "fucking" and my youngest DD who is 12 and has SEN couldn't sleep. I went round and told her I was fucked off with hearing it and that whilst her exams might be over my DD1 had to do Government and Politics the next day. I was generally told IWBU for swearing and for complaining so early on in the evening.

I repeat my youngest child has SEN. She needs to go to bed on time. She needs her sleep. I need her to sleep, after a day of her I really need her to sleep. Living with a child with learning difficulties is exhausting. And the language was really offensive.

NDN DD was very apologetic. They quietened down for awhile. But the party was a sleepover and the night was hot. The party spilled over into the back garden. DD1 couldn't sleep with the window closed because of the heat and with the window open she could hear the noise. She did not sleep very much.

Results day yesterday. DD1 passed all her exams but overall Government & Politics looks to have suffered by her poor nights sleep. Paper 1 - brilliant mark, strong B. Paper 2 Unclassified, bringing her overall grade to a D

AIBU in wanting DH to go and see NDN and have a chat and lay out our my expectations for next years exam time . That there is no parties/loud sleepovers during the exams and have the consideration to wait until the end of all exams not just her own.

I don't know whether the dad knows the sleepover/party happened. I don't think he was there.
I'm not going to speak to him. I don't trust myself to stay calm.

[Funinthesun15]

I think at the time could you have told the school there were mitigating circumstances

I seriously doubt it would be classed as mitigating circumstances.

[DoctorDonnaNoble]

It would not be mitigating circumstances.

[NoahVale]

you are just assuming that is what they will say if asked though. Dont assume

[Totality22]

There is no point in going round now, the exams are a whole year away. But yes next year when it comes to revision time / pre-exams then yes you should have a word.

Have to agree that the unclassified grade cannot be blamed souly on one night's lack of sleep I'm afraid. Also invest in some fans.... saves needing windows open we have a lot of noise pollution in general as city dwellers so fans are a must and windows stay closed at night

[wowfudge]

Hang on - I can't believe some of the pps on this thread who think an all night party on a week day night term time was perfectly okay! Of course it wasn't.

I think the OP has a point that her daughter's exam performance was very likely to have been affected.

OP you need to speak to the NDN about his daughter's parties now that the exam season this year is over and ask that next year isn't the same. Some people can be very inconsiderate and I'm amazed you haven't said something earlier. It doesn't have to be a row or heated in any way. I have read your posts, but honestly if it was that bad you should have called the police/environmental health over the noise.

[tigermoth]

Altinkum, the OPs second message states the party went on till 5.00 am.

[Funinthesun15]

you are just assuming that is what they will say if asked though. Dont assume

Not assuming. My DNiece had mitigating circumstances and you have to go through major hoops to get it. Not just because you didn't get a nights sleep.

[maddy68]

The exam was a couple of months ago. What is to be gained by going round and complaining now?

You were unreasonable going round swearing at them, far better ways to handle the situation. What was wrong with a polite word?

No way would a bad nights sleep bring a grade down to a u. For a u your daughter has barely answered any questions which is actually really difficult to do and smacks more of poor revision that a bad nights sleep

A bad nights sleep may have lowered the grade a tad but not to that extent

[fortifiedwithtea]

Altinkum I was explaining I had a previous thread; Mumsnetters said I was being unreasonable on that thread. Apparently I complained too early in the evening.

As for swearing. I'm no angel but my youngest does not swear and you weren't here to hear what my 12 yo could hear. So yes I was angry about that too. To illustrate a point I repeated back to Miss NDN exactly what I could hear and told her I was fucked off with it. It drove home the point. She did apologise and promise it would stop. It did but I could still hear her bf's shouty voice.

[tigermoth]

The OP says her dd's SEN issues mean she really needs her sleep and needs to go to sleep on time.

It's quite possible then that a sleepless night could have severely affected her exam performance. Who knows?

[DoctorDonnaNoble]

I read that has being a different DD. There would already be allowance for SEN if necessary.

[fastdaytears]

Your daughter might be doing university exams in a few short years and won't have a peaceful revision period/sleep environment then. I'd be really careful that she doesn't get the idea that if she doesn't sleep before an exam she'll do badly. That could cause all manner of anxiety.
My personal experience of exams is that adrenaline does me more good than anything and I've done many an exam after no sleep without issue.
Have you looked online to see what you have to do/not do to get a U? It's pretty extreme and really odd when your daughter was capable of doing much better in other papers. I think your energies might be better directed elsewhere.

[CoogerAndDark]

I wouldn't mention it now, but I would speak to the Dad and his Dd a few weeks before the next exams and say the party was disturbing and in your view affected your dad's results last time.

[fortifiedwithtea]

For people who don't understand the marking, let me repeat. Government & Politics is one subject. Like all AS levels it is taken in 2 papers. The grade are A,B,C,D,E,U.

A few marks more on the 2nd paper would have brought DD into the E band giving her an overall AS level C

So to make it crystal clear I'm griping over the different between an overall C grade and a D grade.

[DoctorDonnaNoble]

Indeed, I'd certainly pay for the paper to be returned that was a U so that she can discuss what went wrong with her teachers.

[fastdaytears]

Doctor absolutely. It sounds like one case where it's well worth it.

[DoctorDonnaNoble]

People do understand the grade thing. That is a huge discrepancy and needs investigating. Have you asked for a remark?

[Queenbean]

I think it's pretty ironic that you went and complained about their swearing... By swearing at them.

I'm sorry that your daughter got this grade but you really have no proof that this party / lack of sleep is what definitely caused it. Papers have very different questions, topics etc purposefully and you have no idea how she would have done otherwise.

Loud neighbours are annoying, but if the noise was something else (ie, loud cars, an alarm going off etc) you wouldn't have anyone to complain at. It sounds like you're frustrated for your daughter and are looking for someone to blame. Ndn is not to blame.

Perhaps an air conditioning unit and some earplugs would be a good investment? You can get small units for about £100 for Argos, powerful enough to do your daughter's bedroom.

[NotOutingSelf]

I was awake the whole night before each of my final year degree exams, and got a 2:1. It is highly unlikely that being kept awake made that much difference to your daughter's result.

[SillyStuffBiting]

Is,it not a bit futile to be upset about the difference between a c and a d?

[IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou]

have a chat and lay out our my expectations for next years exam time.

Sounds a bit weird to me TBH,

If you're that bothered could you not swap rooms with your daughter for the exam period so that she's not on the "party" side of the house?

[Fflightattendant]

Ohh difficult. I get how you feel - does your dd think it was poor sleep that caused it?

Last night our NDN's dd had a party with her totally gorgeous mates in a tent in their garden - you could hear every word and shriek from 10pm till 1am when I finally staggered out the back and asked them very politely if they would mind keeping the noise down.

They agreed and I heard not a PEEP after that. I have a waking toddler and thankfully he slept through it but I fret that it isn't the last time - they just didn't realise they were audible I think, and it made me cross that the parents assumed no one would notice or care.

Nice people but honestly - teenagers are noisy, and sleep is precious.
and we don't have any exams!

[RealityCheque]

I seriously suggest you go and buy a grip. And some earplugs.

'Laying out your expectations' to your neighbours for next year is barking mad, IMO.

[IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou]

I can't believe some of the pps on this thread who think an all night party on a week day night term time was perfectly okay! Of course it wasn't.

If it was every night then I'd agree, but a one off - nah, put up & shut up I'm afraid.