AIBU to have a word with NDN

[fortifiedwithtea]

NDN is a single dad with currently just his youngest dd at home. She is the same age as my DD1. They sat their AS levels this summer.

Last day of the exams I posted in AIBU because the dd next door was having a party and all I could hear was her bf through the wall prefixing every sentencing with "fuck" or "fucking" and my youngest DD who is 12 and has SEN couldn't sleep. I went round and told her I was fucked off with hearing it and that whilst her exams might be over my DD1 had to do Government and Politics the next day. I was generally told IWBU for swearing and for complaining so early on in the evening.

I repeat my youngest child has SEN. She needs to go to bed on time. She needs her sleep. I need her to sleep, after a day of her I really need her to sleep. Living with a child with learning difficulties is exhausting. And the language was really offensive.

NDN DD was very apologetic. They quietened down for awhile. But the party was a sleepover and the night was hot. The party spilled over into the back garden. DD1 couldn't sleep with the window closed because of the heat and with the window open she could hear the noise. She did not sleep very much.

Results day yesterday. DD1 passed all her exams but overall Government & Politics looks to have suffered by her poor nights sleep. Paper 1 - brilliant mark, strong B. Paper 2 Unclassified, bringing her overall grade to a D

AIBU in wanting DH to go and see NDN and have a chat and lay out our my expectations for next years exam time . That there is no parties/loud sleepovers during the exams and have the consideration to wait until the end of all exams not just her own.

I don't know whether the dad knows the sleepover/party happened. I don't think he was there.
I'm not going to speak to him. I don't trust myself to stay calm.

[hackmum]

loveandsmiles: "I can't believe you expect your neighbours to live their life according to what is going on in yours - unbelievable"

I can't believe that anyone thinks it's acceptable for someone to hold a party till 5am on a week night when they have next door neighbours who can hear it, regardless of whether someone has got exams the next day or not.

I don't know what's worse on Mumsnet sometimes - the stupidity or the nastiness. Or perhaps the toxic combination of the two.

[SmillasSenseOfSnow]

The OP must have said three times now that she didn't think her DD was pulled from a B to a U, but perhaps an E to a U, therefore bringing the overall grade down from a C to a D. How many times does she have to go on saying it for people to understand? Is it really that difficult?

Ah, I see. That's not what I understood by the post I saw the OP mention that in. My mistake.

I'm not sure anyone can necessarily blame others for a result being one grade below the expected. It's as likely to be down to the topics that came up in the exam, or simply the OP's DD not preparing as well as she thought.

[hackmum]

Smillassenseofsnow: " A crap night of virtually no sleep would not pull a B down to a U unless the girl has some serious other problems."

The OP must have said three times now that she didn't think her DD was pulled from a B to a U, but perhaps an E to a U, therefore bringing the overall grade down from a C to a D. How many times does she have to go on saying it for people to understand? Is it really that difficult?

[Fuckup]

It was unreasonable for the party to go on until 5am on a week night, so yanbu about that. However I highly doubt it had any impact on your dds exam performance and yabu to make that suggestion. For context I found out that my friend had died the night before a university exam and spent the night in tears and shock, perhaps grabbing 40 mins at most of sleep, thinking a fail was imminent and still came out with a first. I know everyone copes differently with a lack of sleep but the impact of one nights bad sleep on performance tends to be vastly over rated.

[dilbert19912]

Next door neighbour, I think??

[Starbrite00]

What's NDN

[Nydj]

I think you should phone the environmental health dept of your council and ask them what the rules are for noise late at night in your area and what you should do if there is a repeat. Ours were really really helpful over a different environmental issue. Good luck.

[pictish]

It's an 'only on mumsnet' one this!

Only on mumsnet would people advocate someone going round to the neighbours to tell them what they may do in a years time, driven by the belief that their late night party one night caused their daughter to fail an exam.

Gosh.

[Funinthesun15]

Nanny0gg you do realise that lots of people work at weekends, even those that also need good sleep for safety reasons

About to say that. You beat me to it

[sugar21]

Jeez I've heard it all now.
Hardly likely that one night is going to affect an exam result much. You either know your subject or you don't.
When I was at boarding school it was silence and lights out at 10 pm but that didn't stop some pupils getting bad marks.
Yabu

[loveandsmiles]

YABVVU

I can't believe you expect your neighbours to live their life according to what is going on in yours - unbelievable

[PurpleHairAndPearls]

Nanny0gg you do realise that lots of people work at weekends, even those that also need good sleep for safety reasons?

[306235388]

I actually think the neighbours were being a bit thoughtless but not really much more. I know your fd has SEN but that doesn't mean the neighbours can't have a party occasionally. It was shit it was on the night of your dd's exam though and it was pretty crap of them to continue on once being asked not to - did you go round again?

The thing is a U isn't just dropping a grade or something it's doing exceptionally badly and I don't think one bad nights sleep can cause that. At all.

However, don't make your Dd feel upset about it just have an onwards and upwards attitude. When it comes to next year and exams go see the dad and say dd's exam timetable is XYZ, we had a bit of an issue last year so just wondered if noise could be limited on those nights and of course we will do the same for your dd.

[SmillasSenseOfSnow]

1. Not all AS levels are done in two papers. It depends on the board and subject. Irrelevant, but still.
   

1. A crap night of virtually no sleep would not pull a B down to a U unless the girl has some serious other problems. It's entirely possible that she had studied the material/revised more for the first paper and neglected the second. Or the second paper just turned out to be a giant curveball for her. It happens sometimes with essay subjects. Occasionally it can be down to poor preparation on the part of the teacher, if it was a new topic being tried out for the unit (happened to my class in one subject, we all got As and Bs for the other papers, I think, and got Ds, Es and Us for that one paper with the new topic). Just have her resit that one paper next year, while ensuring she's covered the material thoroughly enough for the other exams she'll have so that this one resit doesn't pull her grade down in those due to reduced revision time.
   

1. It was certainly out of order to have a loud party on a weekday that was outside until 5am, especially during exam time.

[Nanny0gg]

I can't believe some of the pps on this thread who think an all night party on a week day night term time was perfectly okay! Of course it wasn't.

If it was every night then I'd agree, but a one off - nah, put up & shut up I'm afraid.

Why? Why couldn't the celebration wait till the weekend? Why do people who have to work put up with this? What if some of the neighbours have jobs that require good sleep for safety reasons?

There is no reason that the celebrations (when they impact other people) can't wait.

[MyLovelyFriend2015]

It's typical, someone is having a party and inconveniencing someone else, but if you dare complain then you're out of order

It's antisocial and they should not have been so loud

[dilbert19912]

I can't imagine that would have caused her grades to go down that far.

[UrethraFranklin1]

You want to go around there and tell them what behavior you expect from them NEXT YEAR?
You're coming off a lot crazier than you probably are in real life. People simply don't behave as you are proposing.

[PurpleHairAndPearls]

We have nightmare neighbours on both sides - I have posted on here about them quite a bit! One side are literally like inhabitants of Shameless think big barking dogs, little DC saying cunt every second word, shopping trolleys in the front etc etc...

So I sympathise but I still think you are BU sorry. You lost any moral high ground about swearing when you swore at them, you clearly went round early but then left it, you didn't speak to the dad at the time... You cannot go round now and blame them for your DDs exam results and "lay out your expectations". Really you can't.

Part of living in a neighbourhood with other people is the downside that not everyone adheres to your moral and general life standards. Your post reminds me of those people who tiptoe around sleeping babies, don't allow the washing machine on when DC are sleeping, go mad if the doorbell rings etc...it's counter productive in the long run. If your DDs grade was so badly affected by one nights sleep (and I don't think it would be) now is the time to help her out with sleep management techniques like ear plugs, white noise etc. It will be a better use of your time, and hers.

I don't think you would BU to go round at the start of exam season and politely request they don't make too much noise late on, as you are asking them to stay within the normal expectations of society.

The only advantage of some of my DCs SN is the deafness, the DC who is "most deaf" is in the bedroom adjoining Shameless neighbours'!

[WorraLiberty]

I don't think you would BU to ask if they can limit any parties to a Friday or Saturday night.

But I think you might need to soften your attitude first, as you'll catch more flies with honey.

Also, have you tried buying your DD a fan for her bedroom?

[iamavodkadrinker]

You went round shouting and swearing like a fishwife, and now you're blaming them for your daughter getting a U. YABU.

[amarmai]

is it possible to change your d's bedroom? Also a fan is good for masking noise.

[HarrietSchulenberg]

a) it's extremely unlikely that a night's poor sleep would drop a potential B grade to a U.
b) I don't know which exam board you use but I hear that our school's G&P results were lower than expected and that it is requesting remarking for all students. AQA paper, I think, so it's not entirely impossible that there is a different problem. I'm assuming your dd has spoken to school for advice but if not then it might be worth a chat.

Other than that, parties are generally annoying but part of living near other people. I speak as someone who lives in a street currently dominated by the male member of one family who conducts loud, sweary arguments with his gf, in front of his small children, and when not doing that is sitting in his stupid joyboy car, big bore exhaust revving and music so loud you can feel the bass through my concrete floor. Often into the small hours.

[MammaTJ]

You can ask but I suggest you also get in ear plugs for your DD1 just in case!