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AIBU?

To like being called my first name?

98 replies

pinktrufflechoc · 03/08/2015 09:26

Inspired by the 'dad' thread

DC have taken to doing this rather than 'mum' and I was telling someone about it the other day who was shocked I permitted such cheek!

I'd just been ignoring it but when I stopped to analyse it I realised I actually really liked it.

What do your DCs call you, and would you think it cheeky if they called you by your first name?

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twirlypoo · 03/08/2015 18:55

I desperately wanted to be a mum, and it still feels a bit weird and lovely that I am one, so I like the title.

Ds (3) calls me mama or mummy though. After hanging out with older cousins I get mum for a bit, and he calls his dad graham but that's cos he doesn't see him very often and he's heard me call him that so he's fortunate he doesn't get called bastard really on that score!

fleamadonna · 03/08/2015 18:57

I wish my ds called me anything.

he just points at me and says "DAT!" which is a phrase that also apparently means dog and cat

has no problem calling dp dadda though.

ahbollocks · 03/08/2015 19:00

My name is 'gorgeous!' But said 'GAWWJUUUSSSSSS' because that is how dh shouts down the stairs when he can't find something.

Dd (2.5) says it really casually eg 'put peppa gaaawjuzz'

Doraydiego · 03/08/2015 19:07

I hate that argument that "everyone can call me by my name, but only 1/2/3 people get to call me mummy" My DH's family are Mexican, so many people call me mama/mami. My children call me by my name.

SchwarzwalderKirschtorte · 03/08/2015 19:07

My daughter calls me mum, so yesterday when she called to me In a shop, I replied "yes, her nickname (used only in the house) and she looked at me in abject horror!

BanditoShipman · 03/08/2015 19:08

Starfish - I loathe that, just add 'your' mum or 'his/her' mum. Gps, teachers etc that do this drive me insane.

cocobean2805 · 03/08/2015 19:16

My DM was a teacher, if I wanted her attention it was much more likely she'd respond to "Mrs Coco'sMum" than "Mum" I've always called her mother or madre though. "Mammmmeeeeeeeee" in a wheedling voice if I want something

Mimosa1 · 03/08/2015 19:16

Ahbollocks that's lovely.

My mother used to say she'd got fed up of hearing "muuuummmmmy" and would occasionally insist in being called Gina Lolla Brigida. I have no idea why.

SquareStarfish · 03/08/2015 19:25

I had no idea I was causing so much offense. I think you are possibly looking at the situation from the adults pov though rather than the child's. I think children understand you better if you use the word they use. I have had children confused by the notion of 'your' before. I speak to the children like it too. "Is mum collecting you today?" Etc. To small children there is only one mum/dad/granny so saying your confuses them.

Pronouns can be very confusing to little people. They take a while to understand that your to you is my to them.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 03/08/2015 19:42

DC call me mom, but sometime MUM which DH calls his mother and it really grates, so we changed his name to DUD and it stuck.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 19:43

Starfish I can assure you that most children will grasp and if not tough...we're dehumanised enough when we become parents without everyone joining in!

I don't care if my children get slightly confused by "your" as long as only they call me Mum. If you don't use the right terms then they'll never learn yours etc anyway!

nooka · 03/08/2015 19:44

Nothing wrong with talking to children about 'mum' when their mum's not there, but it is very peculiar being referred to as 'mum' by someone who isn't your child. Even odder if the person then turns to you and calls you 'mum' n conversation! I can understand why nursery workers do it, but as a parent it's really not great. I'd not be bothered if they couldn't remember my name and call me dd's mum, but just mum is weird. It's a bit depersonalising.

SoupDragon · 03/08/2015 19:49

I have never felt "dehumanised" as a parent.

nowitscleanugobshite · 03/08/2015 20:02

DD21 calls me mum. DS 18 calls me "mother" or "beloved mother" if he's crawling! No idea when or why he dropped "mum".... he's called me mother for years! They call their dad (stbxh) by his Christian name as he was so abusive to us that they have more or less cut him out of their lives. The fact that they call him xxxxx is very powerful in many ways, especially with his family (who we are still on reasonably good terms with). Their aunt (dad's sister) remarked on how it brought home to her just how poor a relationship they have with their "dad". He tells her how much he loves and misses them and she initially was quite taken in by that and wanted to mediate between him and DC. But the DC were so powerful in explaining that he is no longer their "dad" in the same way he isn't my husband. They said that the separation was due to him being abusive to all of us so they wanted to make a point by changing the name.

SquareStarfish · 03/08/2015 20:16

Don't you even refer to your child's other relations as dad/nan etc?

I just told my one year old to 'give dad a cuddle' because I was taking her to bed. Would seem odd saying 'your dad'. Or are we saying it's ok to say it to the child but not the adult? In which case my example of "can you get mum a chair jack" should be fine. I wouldn't say to the parent "come on in and take a seat mum."

Not that this thread is going to make any difference to how I talk because I don't care so there must be a number of others who don't either. Far bigger things to get annoyed with in life

fredfredgeorgejnr · 03/08/2015 20:25

SquareStarfish Names really do matter to some people, they are an important part of their identity, using mum/dad etc. is much the same as calling them objects, so it doesn't feel good.

I'm surprised their are children old enough to able the answer the question of who is picking them up who don't understand "your mum" - what do they do in the park or playground or any other times when there are lot of mums about? In any case, educating them about it by using the proper words will teach them more than excessive simplification.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 20:40

Starfish if the other person is not present and it's your own child you're speaking to then "Dad says he'll take you skating on saturday" is fine.

BUt if "Dad" is present and you happen to be a teacher or nurse for eg and you say "Now Dad, would you like to hold baby so I can give the injection."

Then that's not ok.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 20:41

It's not your Mum starfish and not your relation...so "Get Mum a chair Jack" isn't right. How hard is it to add "your"

whatarethose · 03/08/2015 20:47

I don't know why it's cheeky or disrespectful. It's your name ffs.

SquareStarfish · 03/08/2015 20:53

I'm going to put this down to being one of those mumsnet things as I've asked a fair few people I know in real life this evening and they all say they don't care or even notice. One even liked it as they waited and wanted to be 'mum' so long, (their child isn't old enough to say it yet).

Although I have just realised it is only something done to children who don't know my mum. I asked my 9 year old cousin earlier if their mum was going to an event on the weekend because if I had just said 'mum' as she knows my mum she might have wondered which I meant. I suppose my brain just does it automatically depending on whichever seems to make most sense to the child I'm addressing.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 20:59

Well since MN has around 14 million visits per month and around 1.7 million members Starfish I would be tempted to go with the MN consensus rather than a "fair few people" that you've asked this evening.

pinktrufflechoc · 03/08/2015 21:01

I don't mind being called mum by other people but now DS has started with the first name thing I realise I definitely prefer it. Some people think he's my stepson though.

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Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 03/08/2015 21:04

I've always called my parents by their first names, they are fab and we are very close, not using 'mum' and 'dad' hasn't done us any harm!

pinktrufflechoc · 03/08/2015 21:06

I don't think it would do any harm if the relationship is otherwise solid.

I was surprised at how shocked my friend was!

OP posts:

fleamadonna · 03/08/2015 21:09

I had a boyfriend when I was a teen who called his parents by their first names. span me out when we were first seeing each other.

"hey john, you coming to the pub tonight?"
"nah, Lauren is cooking me dinner."
"who the f is Lauren!?!?"
"um. my mother."

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