WIBU to allow my son to have his hair dreadlocked?

[MyNameIsDave]

My son has long (for a boy) curly hair, he is mixed race and many people in our family have dreadlocks/braided hair, he asks all the time to have his hair done like this. I know he will sit long enough as he often requests to have all his hair put into plaits and will happily sit for the duration...but I don't like it!

I'm looking for opinions on this as half the reason I'm reluctant to allow him to have it done is because people judge; I don't want him being judged anymore than he already is by having long hair as a boy.

He's only 4, he starts school in September, it would be more manageable but it's not too difficult to manage as it is! I'm NOT having it all cut off, he loves his hair and so do I, there's just no reason to cut it all off. (Head lice might change our stance on this!).

Would you judge?

[Ericaequites]

It wasn't rinsed. This was common among poor people, and led to much teasing. Combing was what posher/more patient people did. My scalp itches as I type this.

[Ericaequites]

Kerosene was a common lice treatment before WWII in the States. It's not wise or safe.

[Lurkedforever1]

mame no idea of the rule. My curly, abundant but fine Caucasian hair will form really nice dreadlocks by itself and with little effort I could get great ones if I'd wanted, but the whole look wouldn't be the same cos thick as it is, my hair isn't as abundant as actual Afro hair. My mixed race friend has the thickness and wiry part, but not the usual kink/ curl so hers is harder to form into dreads than mine, but having more hair they look better once done than mine ever could if I tried. She reckons you need the thickness, the curl and the wirey/ coarse aspects to get them to form easily and look good, with none or one quality they'll never look good and two qualities you can get round the easily formed part with the right effort, or if they naturally form at least the dreads themselves will look good, if not the overall style. That's just her opinion from her experience of mixed race siblings so not saying it's the same for all.

[Coffeemarkone]

ergghghghgh yes he must have - I was too shocked to ask - as I had little lice ridden kids at that time!

[TheHouseOnBellSt]

Would he then rinse it coffee? It must have stunk!

[Coffeemarkone]

I met a guy from Malawi who told me he would pour kerosene over his head to get rid of the lice and keep his locks..

[Branleuse]

mistress,its not that lox attract lice,of coursethey dont, but if your kid gets them, theyre much harder to get rid of if you cant go at them with a nit comb

[Binit]

When I read the title, I thought your ds was going to be 14, not 4.

Anyway, going into reception, there are plenty of reasons for all kids, girls and boys to have short hair. I sent both ds and dd with short hair.

Long hair in reception means:
Nits (will come back over and over)
Paint in hair (unnecessary work for you in evening)
Food in hair (ditto)
Looking scruffy (too young to manage own hair)
Faffing washing it and drying it (child tired starting school)
Other 4yos will pick long hair up to look at constantly (annoying)

I don't know why anyone would do it.

[Starbrite00]

I would also add that their has been no cases of nits/lice at my daughters school or nursery and she's 9. Surely not that common as people assume.

[Starbrite00]

Let him have them, of he gets lice you can cut them out, no big deal. I think they look cute.
Why would people judge you? You see kids with mental things cut into their hair, dreads are far better than that.

[MameHootieBench]

How easy is it to get dreads to form on dual heritage hair? Does it vary from person to person? I had a few white friends at uni who decided to go for dreads and they were a disastrous misshapen clump.

[Branleuse]

you can get non silicone lice treatment now. I have dreads, and have had issues with the children getting lice and hoping to god i dont get them, but have used the non greasy treatment just in case, and its been fine. If you could keep them up and out of the way at school, it would be better,

[Lurkedforever1]

I'd have thought preschool age/ reception was an excellent time for a child to make a choice about identity without worrying about being different. A teenager suddenly appearing in an unusual/ rare style compared to peers raises far more eyebrows than a small child. Plus small children are more likely to be doing it for themselves, not the reaction. I'd have thought a young age is the perfect time to reinforce the idea you shouldn't be put off being yourself for fear of standing out.
Slightly more worrying is the fact if nobody has dreads in the area, not getting them yourself gives the message it's better to try and appear and think the same as the crowd, than be proud of who you are.

[2rebecca]

It depends on the area you live in. Can't recall when I last saw dreadlocks in my area of Scotland and age 4 I wouldn't want my child to be the kid with the weird hair style and his hair to be the most notable thing about him. Different in a teenager where they have made friends and are more secure in their identity. Younger kids can be very sheep like.
If there are other kids with similar hair styles fine but making a statement about your appearance sounds a bit heavy for most 4 year olds. I'd go with a standard small boy hair cut until he's a bit older.

[Coffeemarkone]

"Qhy would you want to dred a small childs hair, they're messy buggers, just imagining paint/sand/food ingrained into dreds."

You do wash locks you know!
Op what about cornrows it looks great.

[Lurkedforever1]

The lice issue isn't easy to predict, only takes one child in the class to regularly be untreated and it takes constant vigilance to keep them at bay.
Dds school didn't have any longstanding lice problems, but everyone with long hair got them at some point. Dd has had cornrows and braids regularly ( not Afro hair so only in for a week max) and yet one occasion, just after doing them I had to take them out when her friends mum rang round saying her dd had them, and go through it, finding two and then a week of daily checking to make sure there weren't anymore. Something I can easily imagine happening with dreads, but more than just a nuisance like with cornrows.

[SoupDragon]

Actually, outside of Rastafarianism and associated cultures dreadlocks are not common among black people who have many background cultures. People are talking as if there is one black culture of which dreadlocks are a common hairstyle.

I was thinking about this. I go to Antigua every 2 years and I can't remember any large number of locals with dreadlocks. As I spend most of the time in a resort, either they aren't common or the resort and other public service places have imposed a dress code. If the latter, then clearly they don't have an issue about it being culture.

There are plenty of braids about though - men and women.

I really can't remember any front of house staff at the resort, airport, taxi drivers etc having them. I have seen people here and there but not many.

That's just my perception though - I can't say I've ever really looked or paid any attention.

[scarlets]

They'll look fab!

[MyNameIsDave]

Thanks for the replies, really helpful! Refreshing to see that most people are entirely open to slight straying from the norm.

He had headlice once when nursery had an infestation, they were very easy to treat - when his hair is wet it's really manageable but this wouldn't be the same with the dreads (!).

Just to clarify; the hair wouldn't be for religious reasons, cultural yes in that most males in our family have corn rows or dreads (black and white - our family is very mixed!). I'm not so into corn rows as they'd need to be re-done often because he doesn't have afro hair so they'd fuzz lots.

I'm leaning towards explaining to him that after Christmas we will assess the lice/dirt/other attitudes and make a decision then; liking the idea of twists, will research that! I am going to maybe have his hair put into single plaits properly by Grandma and see how that goes...he may not even like the feeling of not having his hair loose so this is a less permanent way to check that.

To the posters who said it's nice he's being encouraged to be individual...this is what I want for my children, to be comfortable in their own skin. I wanted to be 'peachy coloured' and have straight hair for as long as I can remember (my skin is more 'latte coloured' and my hair is curly) so maybe I'm just overly sensitive 'into' the idea that my offspring like themselves how they are and that comes with allowing them to have a genuine say in their appearance, for me.

Oh, if school tried to tell me that dreadlocks were not permitted, I'd be very concerned about the attitude of the school I'd sent my children to!

[ohtheholidays]

I know 2 little boys that have dreads in they're hair,they're not that much older than your son.

They're my friends little boys,they have dreads because they've decided that they want to follow Rasta like they're Dad.

It's about they're beliefs for them,it's nothing to do with a fashion choice.

Her children's school have been great about it as they know that the little boys and they're Dad are all Rastafari .

It might be a good idea to check with your little boys school first OP.If it's part of your culture/belief system or religion then the school will have a hard time defying you over it.

But if it's a fashion choice then the school system will be on they're side usually.

[ProcrastinatorGeneral]

theQuibbler neither of my boys have had lice ever. One is eight and one is half way through his reception years. Neither child has short hair. My older boy has always had hair past his shoulders and the younger one has hair that sits at his chin.

[RosePetels]

My cousins had dreads for yearsssss from when they were about 4-5 and use to wear scarf to school. They do get messy quickly too.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Dreads are great and so cute on kids. Could you ask a hairdresser about the lice issue? I think hair up and under a scarf at school would be great. My cousin had a really long Afro through school and didn't get lice. Not that young, though.

[LavenderLeigh]

I think your son would look really cute in braids or dreads. There are a lot of Afro-Caribbean hair salons where I work and the styles they do are amazing.

Not sure how either could be described as "extreme" - surely perfectly normal hairstyles? Just because something is different or pertains to a culture other than your own doesn't make it extreme. And quite naturally your son is influenced by how family members have their hair.

But the thought of lice in dreads would make me go for braids.

[charlestonchaplin]

Actually, outside of Rastafarianism and associated cultures dreadlocks are not common among black people who have many background cultures. People are talking as if there is one black culture of which dreadlocks are a common hairstyle.

They are becoming more trendy now, though in some cases the dreadlocks are actually hair extensions which are easily removed. When I was growing up they were considered scruffy, though it was pointed out to me that a certain ethnic group considered children born with dreadlocks to be particularly special and the dreadlocks were not to be cut.