Oh god! Little girl on holiday

[Cuppacoffeeinthebigtime]

We got here yesterday. So did they. We are both here for 2 weeks. She has attached herself to us so far. She is 9, our dd 7 and DS 4. We got our paddling pool out and she came over watching so we asked if she wanted to join in. She went and asked her mum and she has pretty much been here constantly ever since.We have to ask her to leave 3 times before we can eat. Then she watches from outside until we finish and then she is back. She was here as soon as we opened the curtains in the morning. Her parents have not taken her anywhere once so far. Yesterday, we were going to the park and she stood around looking sad so asked her if she wanted to come with us. She did but then moaned that it was boring and asked if we could do the activities instead ( this costs about 10 pounds per head and I can only really afford to pay for my own dcs so none of us did anything). The parents seem very kind,came over and gave my kids a pound each to buy an ice cream but grrrrrr, this is not what I was imagining when I booked my holiday.

To make things worse another neighboring family's 3 year old has taken a shine to dd and is left playing outside for a few hours at a time. They have asked dd to tell them if she does anything naughty or runs off while they sunbathe. I am a nervous wreck watching as no way dd can be trusted watching a 3 year old. I have so looked forward to this holiday, saved annual leave up, wanted to enjoy it with my own DC. I want them to make friends and learn to be kind as we are quite isolatory where we live but this seems too much.

[NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten]

Yep Thumbwitch "We have to ask her to leave 3 times before we can eat. Then she watches from outside until we finish and then she is back" -

I wonder what the OP said when she "asked" the 9 year old is she could eat?

OP "Can we eat now?"

Little Girl "Um.. yes of course"
...

OP "Erm, We'd like to eat in a minute"...

"OK"... "

OP "Could you go home now as we're going to have dinner?"

Little Girl "Ah, sure "

trots home :o


Of course we'll never know what really happened as the OP hasn't been back (probably flung her smart phone away in horror back on page one where Bewildered was trying to shame her for using the internet when camping )

We do these holidays every zear and alwazs have kids around ours, and always tell them politely but firmly to scarper when we don't want them about. You can't drop hints to a 9 yo and expect her to read your mind though - you have to say what you mean!

[NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten]

oops apologies for errant zs where there should be ys, forgot which keyboard I was using!

[NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten]

BrendaBlackhead that's absolutely fair enough - but then presumably you pick a single holiday cottage or a city break or wild camp or do one of the other myriad of holiday options that isn't a Eurocamp style set type set up with families everywhere and kids out playing in groups.

By 7 or 8 kids generally don't want to hang out only with their parents on a 2 week holiday (its fine on a city break) and like to make friends - its part of the experience.

Actually I said my kids end up befriending the German (and Dutch and Italian to a lesser degree due to no shared language) kids, but actually this year my middle one made a brilliant Welsh friend - and his mum mentioned that as he's an only child he really hopes to make a friend or two to hang out with when they're not off on trips, so its useful to lots of people I'm sure!

[BrendaBlackhead]

Yes, we do like remote holidays!

However, in a couple of years or so we will be faced with one teen on holiday so isolationist holidays may have to be suspended...

[Scoobydoo8]

Tell the little girl that mummy has an ice cream for her

Are there attendants or staff - say you are concerned as two children near your bit are wandering unsupervised and you don't know who they belong to.

And any complaints you make to the parents MUST be made out of earshot of your DCs as they won't understand why mummy is being nasty/getting cross.

[ppolly]

We've tried caravaning a few times but didn't like dealing with other people's children - one particular set were quite nasty to my dd. Not at all relaxing.

[Branleuse]

its what happens on campsites. Kids make friends and want to play with each other. If you dont want that happening, you book somewhere like a gite I guess, with no other families around.

You certainly arent obliged to offer to take other peoples kids out, whether they look sad or not. You just say you need to go back to your parents now. Were going out.

WRT to the 3 year old, can you go and mention to them that your dd is only 7, and whilst youre ok with their toddler playing, you dont want the responsibility if theyre not keeping an eye, and your 7 year old is not old enough.

[Fairyliz]

Well I'm laughing at they only want to play with your children type comment if only! In my experience it seems to be kids who have absolutely no input from the adults they are with and just want adult attention. They seem to direct a barrage of questionsat the adults and if you send them away they stay nearby
ooking wistfully at you.

[NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten]

You must come from a different universe Fairy - we go on Eurocamp style holidays every year and the kids are off playing football or hanging about in groups. DD made 2 friends and when they were around our caravan they only spoke to us to be polite - most of the time they had their own preteen agenda and would be off chatting in a little group of girls - all had patents at their caravan to go back to when they needed adult help/ meals.

DS1 only wanted us to kick a ball with him til he gathered enough mates to play with, and most of them barely spoke to us except to say hello.

Maybe you're right if you're thinking of very tiny children (preschool) but that's absolutely not my experience of children of 6+ on these holidays - they make friends and their own adults are available as back up when they need them.

The only children who do the hanging around for adult input are very, very young or so used to having their lives micromanaged with adult organised activities from waking up to going to bed that they are clueless about how to just play and chat to other kids without an adult organising them - which is a pitiful state for a child to get into.

[sanfairyanne]

we go to those eurocamps too nur

i wonder where the ones with the needy kids are

[CalmYourselfTubbs]

Had to resurrect this thread....

how did you get on OP?

[Cuppacoffeeinthebigtime]

Haha, no I wasn't shamed off the site by Bewildered rather my tablet has been playing up and wouldn't connect to the site wifi for a while.

Honestly, it hasn't been the best holiday. Will be glad to go home tomorrow. The little 3 year old has been a bit of a nightmare. She has been throwing pebbles at cars, pulling hair. My dd adores her but my 4 year old was hurt a few times by her -I took her back to her caravan when it happened but there have been a set of twin girls aged about 5 playing out and she is constantly pulling their lovely curly hair and scratching them - their parents seem well and truly annoyed by it all. Her mother is very apologetic when it happens and takes her in but she is out again after an hour or so. Her dad confided in my husband that he thinks there might be something wrong with her - not sure if there is or not - I just think please for god's sake supervise her.

9 year old to be fair is a lovely child. Both my kids love her. I just feel I have 3 children rather than 2 now. If my husband takes our 2 out before she notices, she sits and talks to me until they come back. I tried to take my 2 out to the fair, she asked if she could come I tried telling her we couldn't because we might be a long time but then her grandmother came out with a bag of change 'for all the kids to have fun at the fair'. I didn't have the heart to say no. Kept my kids in on a rainy day and whilst playing hungry hippos, noticed her with her face pressed up against the door looking in whereupon my kids started begging for her to be let in and I just couldn't say no. To be fair, i'm not the most sociable of souls and it has been an exhausting holiday for me because there has been no reprieve. 9 year old'd parents asked of they would like to go the beach with once but I had to say no because I would not trust 4 year old with anyone we did not know on a beach. Kids loved the break but I will never do a 2 week holiday at one of these parks again. Ever!

[chippednailvarnish]

Maybe you should just learn to say no, would have saved you a lot of hassle and moaning.

[rollonthesummer]

Maybe you should just learn to say no, would have saved you a lot of hassle and moaning

Yep-hate to say it but I agree.

[DrLego]

1. sounds exhausting and irritating, I would hate it, so I empathise - but good DCs have had a great time
   
2. you do need to learn to say no

[Cuppacoffeeinthebigtime]

Before I went on this holiday, I would have agreed. But this was relentless - I can say no once, twice but every 30 minutes she was back again with my own children asking for her to be let in too. It was tough. How do others deal with this? I admit I did not know what to do at all. It hasn't affected the children's holiday apart from the few times the 4 year old has been hit but that can happen anywhere and we told the parents. Its just me and dh - we don't feel we have had a holiday at all.

[chippednailvarnish]

I'm sorry but you are making this sound very dramatic. You have a whole thread of people offering you advice, but ultimately it comes down to you saying no.

"I didn't have the heart to say no" and "I just couldn't say no" is your problem. All you had to do is tell the older child that you were busy and you might see her tomorrow. If she reappeared you should have walked her back to her family and told them the same. The fact it sounds like your own children weren't even listening to you is pretty telling.

[cleanindahouse]

I don't think that's fair. I'm pretty good at saying no, but in these circumstances i'd struggle.

Her own kids weren't listening to her? Why, because they wanted to play with the child? FFS.

OP i was on one of these holidays a few years ago and never again. We were right next to the park so all the kids congregated at ours. There were some bloody horrible kids there and i found myself constantly out there having to supervise other peoples kids because, well, they were on holiday so were happy for someone else to do it. Never again, it was exhausting.

It's easy to say what you'd do in these circumstances, but it's not always that black and white.

[malloo]

YANBU, I really feel for you OP, I would be exactly the same and I totally get why you are stressed by this situation. In my experience it is the unhappy kids who get ignored by their parents who do this (we used to have one living next door) but that just makes it harder to deal with because you feel sorry for them. Hope things improve for you.

[Methe]

We do these sort of holidays every year and the absolute best thing about them from the kids perspective is making friends and being able to play with a bit more freedom than they have at home. I don't really see the point in going on a holiday like this if that's not what you want to happen? Surely that's the whole point!

The three year old sounds like he'd work but you really should have he words with her parents.
You need to be a bit more assertive.

Maybe next year you should hire a secluded villa with no neighbours.

[Jollyphonics]

OP I really sympathise, I'd be exactly the same.

We have a kid down the road where we live, who turns up here pretty much every day.
He's friends with DS1 (9) at school, and gets on OK with DS2 (6), so often the kids want him to come and play. This makes it harder for me to say no.

Other times they don't want him to come in, so I tell him that we're busy. He then asks when we'll be free, and spends the rest of the day prowling around outside, knokcing on other people's doors, walking past our house, peering in through the window, knocking on the door and asking if we're free yet. We've even tried ignoring the knocking and pretending we're out, but he just keeps on knocking and looking through the window.
He's a perfectly nice kid, but the dynamic of 3 kids is totally different to 2, and often requires my input breaking up fights etc.

Each time I get to the point of thinking enough is enough and speaking to his parents, he disappears for a couple of days, and then I think I'm being unreasonable and making a silly fuss.

But honestly, it's hard and relentless, and it wears you down. It's like having a dog constantly coming up with a lead in its mouth begging for a walk - of course I have "ultimate power" but having to wield that power grinds me down and removes enjoyment from the day.

I'll admit I'm a soft touch, especially when it comes to children, and maybe it's my fault for not toughening up. But I think it's unfair that I should have to change my personality because some parents are too lazy to consider the impact their kids may be having on other people.

[CalmYourselfTubbs]

jesus Jolly a kid prowling around your house and peering in through your windows is downright harassment. and having to hide in your own house! i'd have gone to his parents long ago to complain. that is just not on.

sorry the limpet ruined your holiday OP. you just sacrificed 2 weeks holiday rest to a random 9 year old kid who took over and who you will never see again. as for that couple with the 3 year old, i'd have set them straight on day 1.
hope you can find the courage to be more assertive. have you considered going for CBT counselling?

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

Oh dear ,it doesn't sound like it's been relaxing for you at all.

You do need to be more assertive, you know that now. Your kids enjoyment on holiday is important but so is yours!

It's always easier to say 'no' first then change your mind if it suits you, don't be made to feel guilty or bad .

[gamerchick]

If you're not able to assert yourself the going home a day early might save your sanity.

Or at least today go out somewhere with the kids and do not take anybody else's with you. Just say no not today and keep repeating it.

[rainbowstardrops]

I feel your pain OP. That's why I hate going camping these days. I like the idea of it but just hate all the other people around me!
That's why I'm heading to a cottage in the middle of nowhere soon