To apply for a job in these circumstances?

[elderflowerlemonade]

I have been wondering about getting back to work, and I have seen a couple of positions I could apply for.

I'm pregnant. Pretty massively so!

The jobs are teaching positions so I would be starting in January if I was to be successful.

WIBU to attend an interview resembling a whale ... And should I indicate on the application form I am pregnant? I know it shouldn't really be an issue but I can imagine it might get eyebrows raised if I turn up notably large if they haven't been prepped in advance so to speak.

Thank you.

[laundryelf]

Congratulations on being shortlisted, please do everything you can think of to sort out some childcare, let us know how you get on. Any childminder who could do a one off day care? Hope you manage to get childcare in place and go for it.

[Florriesma]

Out of interest is your dh actually supportive of you going back to work?

I've done working with a just turned 2yo and a 1yo. Omg was it hard and that was in a job where i was supported by colleagues-not going somewhere new. I gave up after 6months and went on nights because it just became impossible. That was with a fully supportive dh.

I wouldn't for one moment suggest you shouldn't go back to work but i really think you're going to need cast iron childcare.

Anyway good luck.

[maddening]

I had maternity leave followed by a mths holiday and 5 weeks in work then voluntary redundancy and I used my package to fund a year and a half of sahm time - so not 4 years but 2 and a bit when I interviewed - they asked me about the gap in my employment (which was a year and a bit from vol redundancy but obviously actually been out of the business for 2yrs ) - I said that I took the time to spend with my son and it all came around at the right time in my life - that I had loved the toddler groups, swimming lessons, lunches and trips to the zoo but that I was ready to get back in to work and felt that this job was the ideal opportunity for me. I got the job :) - there is nothing to explain other than the truth - that stopping to look after your dc was the right thing to do at the time but now you want to get back in to your career and this is the ideal opportunity.


Imo the worry about long gaps is whether that was down to being a poor candidate - have you had bad references, poor work record etc - it is just a red flag - but in today's market with there being a large lack of jobs until recently there will be lots of people who have been out of work longer than average. You have a reasonable "reason" to have been out of the labour market longer than an average.

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

It's a shame DH can't help out. I'm sure one of your friends will help you though.

About the clothes thing why don't you put a thread on style and beauty. Some very knowledgeable ladies on there. Do you have stretchy black trousers and a floaty top? Something like can look smart when pregnant. Or I had a few maternity wrap dresses which were good for work. Don't know if you've already got something like that that would look fairly smart. I don't think they'd expect a suit when you're pregnant :)

[maddening]

s try emergency childcare - they do nannies

www.emergencychildcare.co.uk/emergency-nannies/

[elderflowerlemonade]

Thank you.

Florrie no - we've been bickering about it since Sunday. He thinks I'm being 'fucking stupid' and a whole load of other flattering comments

[elderflowerlemonade]

Thanks maddening and ghoul :)

I have a pretty dress but it's a bit sundressy, I don't have much money to buy anything else so I have had to ask DH and we'll see above.

Oh dear

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

Wear the pretty dress and pop a little cardigan over the top when you go in to stop it looking too strappy. You can probably get away with a pre-pregnancy one as doesn't need to fasten just to give a bit of coverage to make sure you're smart.

[elderflowerlemonade]

Honestly, it isn't interview appropriate at all. Problem is my clothes are all so scruffy as I have worn them solidly for going on 2 years now

[Florriesma]

Next catalogue is your friend here. But now pay later. Or dont sweat and send it back if looks unworn

Prepare for the interview then spend the next 6months plotting for every childcare contingency. Your also either going to have to get dh to see sense or work out what your going to do with the housework because i assume you do most of it if your a sahm?

I think youre doing the right thing btw. Its just going to be incredibly hard.

[elderflowerlemonade]

Great idea florrie thanks, I really was worried about that!

I do all the housework - well, after a fashion I'm not doing a great job of it at the moment. DH thinks it's stupid as I'll be paying the same in childcare as I am paid meaning I am effectively working for nothing and that it will add to the stress of the whole family.

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

H&M have some very pretty maternity dresses at the moment starting from about £15. I'm not sure if your budget could stretch to it but if you really have nothing suitable might be worth a look.

[elderflowerlemonade]

Thank you

[Florriesma]

Hmm, dh worried his comfy life is coming to an end more like.

He wont be saying that in 6years time when you have moved up the payscale, child care is less and every month there is a begging letter from the school, not to mention parties and stuff and just the expense of kids fitting in socially to a moderately acceptable level.

[ilovesooty]

DH thinks it's stupid as I'll be paying the same in childcare as I am paid meaning I am effectively working for nothing and that it will add to the stress of the whole family

There's so much wrong with that I couldn't even begin to formulate a response.

[elderflowerlemonade]

He says I didn't cope last time so what makes me think I'll cope now. That it's selfish and only thinking about what I want and not the needs of the family as a whole. That he's sick of everything being about what I want.

[Florriesma]

Is he always this underminig of you?

[elderflowerlemonade]

He says he is worried about my wellbeing.

[ilovesooty]

Like fuck he is.

[elderflowerlemonade]

Stop making me laugh ILS

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

Tell him you need to work and have something outside the home for your wellbeing. Why should he veto you applying for a job?

[elderflowerlemonade]

When I was teaching last, I didn't have a great experience. I have to admit in the interests of fairness I got stressed and worm down and depressed to the point of being suicidal. It wasn't just teaching, there was all sorts tied in with it.

Anyway, that summer I left DH and took DS, and we were going to live with my dad. Then my dad died. And we wanted to try again. But DH made me promise just to 'take it easy', to not bother about seeking paid employment and just concentrate on being a mum. He said he couldn't bear to see me like that again. He's reminded me of that promise today. He says I'm being selfish as when it goes wrong it'll be him holding everything together.

[Florriesma]

So that was 4yrs ago, people recover from depression and being isolated is not conducive to good mental health! so ask yourself honestly what was bad about the experience, what could you have done better, what could the school have done differently, remember when you are going for interview that you are also interviewing them, ask what support you will get etc.

Then-ask yourself if dh was supportive of you when you were working last time or did he contribute to the stress?

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

That sounds like a horrible experience for you. But not all jobs are the same and being isolated is more likely to cause mental health problems. Perhaps your DH is coming from a good place but it's your life not his.

[CassieBearRawr]

You tell him in your best teacher voice that circumstances have changed, you have recovered and you will be going for this job (and you'll put him in detention if he tries to tell you what to do ). You can discuss the logistics of how this will work together as a partnership but neither gets to dictate the other. Concern is all well and good, control is not.