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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to challenge a colleague for awful behaviour towards pregnant woman outside of work

87 replies

QuinoaLenghi · 10/06/2015 08:59

This morning I watched a heavily pregnant woman on the Tube stand for three stops before saying to the man in the priority seat that she felt dizzy and needed the seat.

The man said no. He aggressively stated that he didn't feel "great" either and that he didn't have to give her a seat. She pointed at the priority sign above his head and he snapped that if she couldn't cope with the commute she shouldn't get on the train. At that point two others offered the lady a seat. One told him he quietly that he should be ashamed. He stuck his finger up and sort of snarled then buried his face in his paper.

I know the man. He works in my office. He is a known twat. I am in his management chain but don't directly manage him. He didn't see me in the train.

Would it be unreasonable to challenge him at work? I suspect it would be especially as I am in his management chain but I really want him to get some comeuppance.

OP posts:

forago · 10/06/2015 09:03

don't challenge him but make sure you denigrate him to his management at every opportunity (your peers?) if you are ever asked about him for promotions etc relay the story. Karmas a bitch as they say.

Nettletheelf · 10/06/2015 09:03

Don't. If he's as unpleasant as you say, it won't end well.

If he carries on behaving like this, somebody will deliver a come-uppance to him soon enough. With a fist. Take comfort from that.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 10/06/2015 09:03

Is that conduct unbecoming or something? Bringing the company into disrepute? I dunno. If be more tempted to spread it around so everyone knew what a cunt he was as it's unlikely to impact on his job sadly

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 10/06/2015 09:04

I dont think you can bring it up with him unless he is identifiable as working for the company whilst out if work - in uniform/name badge or similar? If so, fair enough as it could bring negative repurcussions to the brand.

If not, sorry, no.

pinkyredrose · 10/06/2015 09:05

nettle but surely with that attitude nasty people would carry on getting away with it?

Nettletheelf · 10/06/2015 09:09

Rose, I'm thinking about the possible repercussions for the OP if she intervenes directly and challenges him at work. I see no problem with her informally telling people what he did, though!

WorraLiberty · 10/06/2015 09:12

I'm guessing he would have had to be wearing some sort of lanyard with the company name on it, before you were able to address his behaviour in the work place.

Flossyfloof · 10/06/2015 09:15

when did his behaviour out of work become your business? If he is a known idiot then people know it. Gossiping about the incident would not cover you in glory. You have no idea what is happening in his private life, he might be dealing with some awful stuff. I know this doesn't excuse poor behaviour but outside work his behaviour is nothing to do with you, assuming he is not identifiable as working for your company.

ollieplimsoles · 10/06/2015 09:16

I would find some way of quietly and anonymously punishing him for it at work tbh. Karma comes back around, there will be an opening to shame this ass hole, just patiently wait for it

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 10/06/2015 09:17

I don't know if I'd challenge him officially. If you speak to him regularly you could ask him if he'd had a good commute today and look at him knowingly.

I would probably go with what forago says and mention it to others as appropriate.

Gileswithachainsaw · 10/06/2015 09:18

be was rude but no one else including you have up your seat for three stops so why is he bearing the brunt of the anger?

Original poster

QuinoaLenghi · 10/06/2015 09:19

Sadly he was not identifiable as working for our organisation. If he had been I could have got him because we are subject to a rule about not bringing the organisation into disrepute.

OP posts:

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 10/06/2015 09:19

Having said that, when I had my back problem, I could not have stood up on a train and I'm sure there's times people will have thought "why doesn't that healthy young woman stand?" You need to be pretty certain that there's not a valid reason he didn't want to stand up. Although that doesn't excuse the finger gesture.

StonedGalah · 10/06/2015 09:19

I'd go up to him and ask him if he was feeling any better as you heard him on the tube say he wasn't well.

That way he knows you know he's acted like a twat without having to pull him up on it.

ollieplimsoles · 10/06/2015 09:20

Yes I have to admit, I was wondering why no one else gave up their seat, did she not look unwell and then quietly asked him for the priority seat? If a heavily pregnant woman got on I would assume someone would offer her a seat if she felt well or not, but I don't know how it works on the tube.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 10/06/2015 09:21

Gileswithachainsaw
be was rude but no one else including you have up your seat for three stops so why is he bearing the brunt of the anger?

The OP doesn't say she had a seat. Also I think the anger was at the finger gesture.

Penfold007 · 10/06/2015 09:21

OP instead of watching a heavily pregnant woman stand for three stops why didn't you offer her your seat?

Theycallmemellowjello · 10/06/2015 09:21

Tbh I'd tread lightly. You don't know that he doesn't have health issues himself. I don't think you can/should do anything.

Original poster

QuinoaLenghi · 10/06/2015 09:22

Giles - I was standing, I had no seat to offer. He was in the priority seat which is specifically for pregnant, ill and elderly people. Others eventually offered seats, they may not have noticed her before as she was in front of his seat but obscured to others my the crowds of standing passengers. Nobody else was aggressive. These are the reasons he bears the brunt of my anger.

OP posts:

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 10/06/2015 09:22

I don't think you can "officially" challenge him unless he was identifiable to your place of work.

However, I'd be very tempted to make sure he knew I'd seen somehow. A passing comment about him having a doppelgänger who behaved outrageously on the tube this morning... Or even more directly to say "I saw you on the tube." and leave it at that.

He sounds horrid

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 10/06/2015 09:22

Penfold007
OP instead of watching a heavily pregnant woman stand for three stops why didn't you offer her your seat?

Where does the OP say she had a seat herself?

TwinkieTwinkle · 10/06/2015 09:22

Nasty man but absolutely nothing to do with you as a work colleague. Stay out of it.

Theycallmemellowjello · 10/06/2015 09:22

Also it's very strange that no one offered their seats for 3 stops to an obviously pregnant woman - I've never seen this.

ragged · 10/06/2015 09:24

Well, at least you have his number.
I probably wouldn't hesitate to share that anecdote around a bit, let people draw their own conclusions. Not bring it up otherwise.

Gileswithachainsaw · 10/06/2015 09:25

Tbh I'd be pissed off as well that having told someone I wasn't feeling well they continued to harass me fir a seat when there was a train full of other people.

I said his attitude and conduct was nasty but if he was ill then she just harassed a man on a train full of healthy people. I'm curious how no p e else is mentioned as being in the wrong despite ALL of them watching this poor girl and doing nothing.

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