AIBU to challenge a colleague for awful behaviour towards pregnant woman outside of work

[QuinoaLenghi]

This morning I watched a heavily pregnant woman on the Tube stand for three stops before saying to the man in the priority seat that she felt dizzy and needed the seat.

The man said no. He aggressively stated that he didn't feel "great" either and that he didn't have to give her a seat. She pointed at the priority sign above his head and he snapped that if she couldn't cope with the commute she shouldn't get on the train. At that point two others offered the lady a seat. One told him he quietly that he should be ashamed. He stuck his finger up and sort of snarled then buried his face in his paper.

I know the man. He works in my office. He is a known twat. I am in his management chain but don't directly manage him. He didn't see me in the train.

Would it be unreasonable to challenge him at work? I suspect it would be especially as I am in his management chain but I really want him to get some comeuppance.

[sleeponeday]

People like this always end up hanging themselves in the end. I agree it grates that there can be no comeback on this occasion, but there will be other occasions, and sooner or later he will be toast.

I just feel sad for any partner. Let alone kids. Colleagues can eventually get rid of someone like this - a lot harder when you have them in the family.

[HFarnsworth20]

a known twat

You'd need to get this on his business cards...

[fourchetteoff]

I wouldn't bring it up formally. It's gutting, but his behaviour outside the workplace has no real bearing on his job.

But perhaps I'd consider mentioning this anecdote to a couple of choice people, or mentioning to him that you saw him this morning on your commute...

[QuinoaLenghi]

Just seen him at work. As I mentioned, his job is pretty physical and he is doing it happily enough. He is youngish and very sporty. If he's OK to do the job all day long then he could have stood for 20 mins on the Tube IMO.

If he was ill he would take time off. We pay full pay for sick leave. He's not the type to come in when he could leg irately be at home. So I doubt he is ill. And he did not say he was ill, he said he was not feeling "great" and he said it in an aggressive way the subtext of which was "fuck off".

Anyway I said nothing, I've told nobody, I will let it go, I'm just sad that fuckwits are rarely challenged for their fuckwittery.

[gallicgirl]

It very much sounds like he used "not feeling great" to justify his sense of entitlement to the priority seat.

I'd be inclined to mention to his line manager that you heard him say he was feeling ill and perhaps suggest the line manage should check if he's ok to be in work.

You could mention to the guy that you saw him on the train but I bet he wouldn't be bothered. If he's not ashamed when challenged at that point, he certainly won't be bothered that you saw him. It sounds like work already know he's a nob so this would just be one more thing to confirm his nobbery

[Gileswithachainsaw]

You can't go telling his bosses he's ill that's not the ops business or the managers. It's not as if he's known to be on drugs or drink where there could be a danger to others. He was off work. He was not in uniform. Surely you not tell if yku saw him down the drs either?
gossiping about people with no evidence makes you look petty and unprofessional

[PeppermintCrayon]

I have a hidden illness. If people ask me to stand I politely apologise and explain that I can't. I don't act like a knob.

[AyMamita]

Tell the office gossip :)

[Cheby]

It's not a work issue, it didn't happen in work. But there's nothing stopping you from challenging about it outside of work (eg on the way out of the office) in the same way as you would do a friend. I would just call him out on it and ask him why he didn't give up the seat.

[lougle]

Your chance to deal with it was on the tube train.

[Flossyfloof]

Can anyone on here say that they have never behaved unprofessionally out of work? I have, loads of times. Never done anything like that but I am sure I have appeared rude, ignored people, been discourteous when driving - probably hundreds of times. This man was pretty obnoxious but the op is not the behaviour police and I think that few of us can say we always behave impeccably, in or out of work.
My friend kicked off in public this week. If you had been there no doubt you would have thought she was out of order, especially if you didn't know the circumstances and didn't hear her subsequent apology. Her behaviour was perfectly understandable if you know the circumstances, pretty rude-looking if you don't.
Let be who is without sin cast the first stone. ?? didn't someone big say that once?

[helengardenlady]

It is dangerous to say 'It is not a work issue, if it didnt happen in work'. In many cases it is. A judge can say that an incident happened in 'an extension of the workplace'. This could be a pub, coffee shop near work where employees commonly go, or even a bar in Tenerife if you happen to be on work related business there! As someone also said, stuff on social media can be used in an employment tribunal. If he had put on Facebook or Twitter 'pregnant women who cant stand on their commute to work shouldn't be working' which is in effect what he said )and his employer saw it I would imagine he would be in trouble, as it could be seen as creating a degrading or hostile environment for pregnant women. Ie any woman he worked with who became pregnant could assume he would feel the same about them.