To send DS2 to 11+ tutor against his wishes?

[Fourarmsv2]

We live in a county with several grammar schools.

DS1 took his 11+ and will be going to a grammar school in September. He started one hour once a week tutoring in about Nov of Y5.

DS2 is not a reader like DS1. He's also a July baby. So I've booked him in a little earlier (June Y4).

He doesn't want to go and is in tears. AIBU to send him anyway? I'd rather not, but because I don't want to deal with him being difficult about going. DS1 was the same and I sent him anyway. DS2 always feels a little more fragile to me so I know I give into him more than I do DS1.

He's due there in just over an hour.

:(

[morethanpotatoprints]

Sorry, my post sounds a bit arsy, have just read it back.
I'm still asking the same questions, but in a less arsy way

Anyway, i'm nobody to criticise my dd will attend a selective or super selective, not sure which tbh.

When it is academic selection do you find the children are happy to go along with mum and dad. When do they understand the difference in schools and the type of education?

[Theas18]

Round here the primaries aren't allowed to promote/tutor/ prepare for 11+.

Even the brightest kid in that system would struggle to take timed exams at the start of year 6 when they have had no preparation for this . Either a parent or tutor needs to at least do some exam technique.

[ChuffinAda]

My dc want to follow their parents and grandparents. All of whom are ex grammar so it's kind of family tradition.

Tbh I'm happy for them to go to the local comp, it's a brilliant school.

[AtomicDog]

Your DD's school is super-selective- its catchment is nationwide!

Re understanding the school types, it depends entirely on what doctrine the parent is peddling!

[ChuffinAda]

theas they aren't allowed here either (wonder if it's the same county) and the grammars actively discourage tutoring. Although you need to do some exam prep as already mentioned by others.

[AtomicDog]

Sorry- that was to morethan.

[Fourarmsv2]

Almost all children entering the school I work at will have been privately tutored, coached at home, coached at private school or all three!

The difference between getting a place and not is so few marks that any advantage makes a big difference.

Add in a shy July boy who learned to read very late (just like his big brother who took all L6 SATs), has had several teachers go on maternity leave and changed school three times) and he needs a bit of help.

Will he then flounder at secondary? Maybe in my school. But one hour a week tutoring won't get him there if he's not meant to be. At the school his brother is going to? No. Being the youngest matters much more in Y4 than Y11.

[Makinglists]

Only if he really wants to go the grammar school and he has a reasonable chance on passing and surviving grammar school.

If he wants to go to GS then I would encourage him to try it for a month or so explaining how it will help him.

Personally I think they should only be tutored if they really want to go and just need a bit of extra support but quite likely to get through anyway.

Not a fan of grammar schools I failed 11+ and still managed to get a good degree and post grad qualifications. DH passed his common entrance exam to go to an academic private school and did a whole lot worse exam wise than me at my modest sec. mod.

[morethanpotatoprints]

Atomic

It's catchment is world wide

So are children made aware of the differences at a certain age by the school they attend? Do parents tell them?
My dc know that dh went to a grammar school and we had to explain about the school. It's hard to put it into words exactly.
We do laugh at him when he does something daft as he is always spouting about the benefits of a good grammar school education. This is usually followed by a fluke of accident or mishap, last time he fell through a trap door.
I can remember mine asking if they had to take an exam to go to a different school, but that was it.
As we have no grammars round here local kids don't really know much about their existence tbh.

[Fourarmsv2]

I went to the only grammar for miles around so it didn't impact on the other schools.

7 in a small area = no normal top set for the comps.

[Fourarmsv2]

I'm completely pro-GS - some of the kids I teach are SEN - just the opposite end of the spectrum to those who you'd normally associate with needing help. Ours need stretching!

[dixiechick1975]

Could you go with him once before summer holidays and meet the tutor, get him more comfortable with the idea. Then start in September so he will have 1 year prep. Are any of his friends being tutored? My DD knows 3 in her class are already so has been accepting of the concept.

My DD is Yr 4. I've been looking into tutoring and the tutor I liked best said start yr 5 but suggested some stuff to do over summer.

I think a lot of people saying how young he is don't realise the tests are sat mid September in yr 6. Results October. So he will only be just 10 when he sits.

[MissSmiley]

You get extra points for a summer birthday with our 11+ to even out the unfairness.

[ChuffinAda]

You don't get the extra points here. You used to, but don't any more

[morethanpotatoprints]

Fourarms

Thank you, i think I'm beginning to understand now.
Are you saying that at your school which is a ss children who ned intensive tutoring would flounder against others/
Whereas it isn't the same for the grammar as they are selective but accept children with lower marks?

I do apologise for sounding dim, I'm not deliberately taking the mickey.

[buffythemuffinslayer]

Undecided on this one - my DM forced me to do 11+ practice papers (this was 16 years ago) much to try disgust. Cue tantrums, screaming, ripping them up. She bought more and more and the TV was off until I did my 2 (?) hours per week.

If I'd had to go to a tutor god knows what I'd have done.

But I passed, had a great time, and the school unlocked my potential. Unlike others I wasn't good at everything, just essay subjects. I wouldn't have passed maths GCSE at the local comp (had friends there so saw their work). I then got into Oxbridge and that set me up for my first job, and thus the rest. Now, I don't remember even prepping for the 11+ - but oh, DM does, and shudders.

I imagine if my DM had had MN and described her weeping, tantrumming child who hated the idea of a grammar, she'd have been told to give it up.

That said, hindsight is 20/20. Only you, OP, can decide if a grammar is the best option for your son. And, if he doesn't pass, how he will take it.

P.s. I am late June and it did me no harm at grammar.

[morethanpotatoprints]

I just gogled CIM as didn't want to be dim again and there are some sample pages from schools and some other papers too.
I struggled to answer the first question and would stand no chance on a test like this, it seems much harder than Ks2 nc maths.

[Fourarmsv2]

Are you saying that at your school which is a ss children who ned intensive tutoring would flounder against others/
Whereas it isn't the same for the grammar as they are selective but accept children with lower marks?

How do you make it all bold? Can you on a phone?

You can sometimes tell a child that has been v.v.v. Highly tutored. But that was pre-CEM. Maybe that will change now. The old style 11+ was apparently more coach able. This should be a more genuine test of ability AFAIK.

I'm sure there will be a similar pattern at all of the GS, but probably not to the extent we have it.

[morethanpotatoprints]

Thank you.
I'm so glad we don't have to go through all of this it must seem very hard to know what to do.

I know you are all capable of looking for yourselves but this is the link to the first question I struggled with

www.sats-papers.co.uk/11-plus-papers.php

[Fourarmsv2]

Thanks - new site to me :)

[morethanpotatoprints]

I don't know if you can do bold on a phone, but you usually do these around what you want bold*

[PurpleDaisies]

you can do bold on a phone.

You've got a space between the question mark and the asterisk which is why it didn't work fourarms.

[Fourarmsv2]

bold still bold!? bold bold bold

Fabulous! Thought it only worked one word at a time!

[Fourarmsv2]

Update - second session today (tutor has been on holiday since the first!).

Homework completed without much fuss. Went in tonight with not even a murmur of complaint. Glad I made the decision to push him on night one. :)