to object to after-school activity finishing at 9.30pm

[kitnkaboodle]

... twice a week, including term time! Am I the only person here who feels this is too late for pre-teen kids (or even early teens)?

I raised some objection and have definitely been made to feel that IABU by the organisers.

Not wanting to out myself, but it is a musical activity, so if my DD opts to leave early each night, she will obv. be missing some practice/instruction. What do others feel about this? DD is 12 and normally she's in bed at 9, lights out 9.30 - and my DH usually goes to bed at 10!

[Taz1212]

I think it depends on the child. DS just turned 13 and he swims most days. Three times a week practice is from 6:30PM-9:00PM. He doesn't get home from school until 5:00 and he has to get up at 6:30AM to catch his school bus just after 7:00. He has just about enough time to grab a quick dinner before we're out the door. Homework is done whenever he can catch a few minutes here and there, often during school or on the commute. He copes with swimming, homework and a long commute because he's mad about swimming and is adament he doesn't want to drop it.

If he didn't have such an early start I'd be fine if his swimming finished at 6:30, but it's dependent on the child so YANBU to worry about it.

[Taz1212]

Sorry, "if his swimming finished at 9:30!"

[Bramshott]

Can you do that though (collect early)? Or do you need to decide between your DC doing the activity or not doing it as its too late?

[tumbletumble]

YANBU to say it's too late and DD can't go.

YABU to expect the organisers (probably volunteers?) to change the time to suit you.

[morethanpotatoprints]

This is normal for a non school activity. For the 16 - 18 year olds it's pretty reasonable.
Are there not activities run by your local music service that finish sooner.
Our Youth Orchestras and Choirs finish at 8.45 and they are mainly seniors.
The Juniors are usually all done and dusted by 6.30.

I don't think it's right to join a group and leave before the end as experience tells me this is the time when the group come together to consolidate what they have learned that week.
It is distracting to others to leave part way through and disrespectful tbh.
Can you not wait until she is a bit older or just go with the flow like the other parents?

[PattiODoors]

Sounds like cadets or maybe youth orchestra or similar.

Mine do that kinda thing, from about age 12 coped just fine.

[MythicalKings]

YABU. That's the time that it happens. If that doesn't suit you find a different group.

I run a group similar to the one I think you're talking about and I wouldn't let anyone join who couldn't be at the rehearsal from start to finish. They may say the same to you about your DD.

[NRomanoff]

Umm our martial arts club is open til that time. I don't see the issue. If I thought it was a problem I just wouldn't sign them up. Doesn't sound compulsory.

[kitnkaboodle]

Oh dear - the YANBUs are disappearing ... no, it's nothing to do with school and yes, it is run by volunteers

I haven't complained, but am thinking of just asking them if it's OK if she carries on but leaves early. They can only say no.

... but I'm curious as to why people here were up in arms when they thought it was something organised by school (my fault!) but are now OK with it when they realise it's out-of-school. Surely it's either OK for pre-teens to be out at activities until that time, or it isn't??

[TwinkieTwinkle]

School organised activities are for specific age groups and at appropriate times after school. Outside are organised by people who are volunteers or do the activities as their livelihood, they can run them when they want and probably have a lot to fit them around. Also, the activity you are talking about has quite a wide age group.

[Quartermass]

Your child has been offered an opportunity, which you can say yes or no to, your choice.
It may be that the adults who lead the activity can't start earlier for work reasons.
If there is no good reason for the late start time, then perhaps you could have a word with the organisers, and they could consider putting it to the vote among all the children/parents. I don't see the harm in raising the issue, except that you may be seen as a trouble maker. It takes the odd "trouble maker" to improve things.
My children get rather less sleep than that - perhaps your child will get used to it, or could catch up on sleep the next night or whatever.

[turningvioletviolet]

if it was my 12 yr old and they wanted to do it, then I'd let them at least try it and see how it goes. I do think it's a bit precious to say a 12 yr old couldn't cope because it's so late. 9.30 really is not that late.

[Lonecatwithkitten]

My DD attends something similar twice a week and is 11. All the 'staff' are volunteers who work full time so don't finish till 5pm,
When we considered guides it was a similar time so I think this time scale for years 5 onwards is not uncommon.
Once we hit show time it is after 10pm every night.

[teatowel]

Volunteers will run a club at times that suit them. You really can't ask them to change it for your daughter. I think it's quite odd that you would even think that was reasonable.

[TeenAndTween]

I think it is a bit late.
But I do think it would be a little off to ask for your DD to leave early every session, and she probably wouldn't like it either.
I do think you have to either decide to do it with the late finish, or just wait until she's older.

[CaurnieBred]

DD is 10. She currently swims at least twice a week and one of her sessions doesn't start until 2015 hrs. Come September she will be joining Guides which won't end until 2115 hrs.

I think it depends on the child and how good their sleep is the rest of the time.

[evmil]

YABU. DSS3 (13) does an activity he is very good at/competes nationally in and two night a week after school he is there until 10pm. If he has comps coming up its even later. It is not ideal, but he enjoys it. Also, we are all quite late sleepers anyway, so it doesn't really disrupt the family.

If it doesn't work for your family then just say no. Don't ask to leave early it won't really work.

[kittycatz]

Those are the times and if you don't think your DD can cope with an activity running until 9.30 pm two nights a week then she should not participate. Taking her home at 9 pm is not a good idea. She will probably be the only one doing that and may miss out on important things, above all information about the next session and so on.
Perhaps she could wait a couple of years if you think she is too young for it at the moment.

[FishCanFly]

Why is it so late?

[Bramshott]

I think people would feel differently about a school thing because that would be more likely to be compulsory.

Several of us I think are of the opinion that it would be too late for our pre-teen DC and for that reason wouldn't sign them up for it.

That said, I guess you can only ask...

[Tinklewinkle]

I think YABU.

I'd let her give it a go and see how she copes.

My DD is a Scout and her meeting is 7pm to 9pm once a week, by the time she's home it's getting on for 9:30pm.

The reason it's that time is that it suits DH (Scout leader). He doesn't get home from work until gone 6pm so just about has time for dinner and getting changed before he leaves

DD also takes part in another activity once a week which doesn't finish until 9:30pm.

She's been doing both since she was 10.5/11 and copes with it fine

[ElviraCondomine]

My DDs' Guides used to finish at 9, even for 10 year olds. When it was my PFB it seemed terrbly late and I wasn't sure. With DD2 it doesn't seem late at all! If it were straight from school I'd say no, but if there's time to go home, do homework, eat etc and then go out, I don't think it's too bad. It depends on the child's temperament and schedule. Mine are both involved in activities almost every night, at their request, and thrive on them; others might find it too much. They don't need to get up until 7.30 am because we live close to schools, which is also a factor for some families with long school journeys.