to object to after-school activity finishing at 9.30pm

[kitnkaboodle]

... twice a week, including term time! Am I the only person here who feels this is too late for pre-teen kids (or even early teens)?

I raised some objection and have definitely been made to feel that IABU by the organisers.

Not wanting to out myself, but it is a musical activity, so if my DD opts to leave early each night, she will obv. be missing some practice/instruction. What do others feel about this? DD is 12 and normally she's in bed at 9, lights out 9.30 - and my DH usually goes to bed at 10!

[ragged]

Fantastic to see that there are so many enthusiastic MN moaners volunteers standing in the wings, chomping at the bit to go out & start your own groups. Starting and ending exactly when you approve of. Seems like there's a huge demand for the hours and service you can provide. What are you waiting for? Shall I list some numbers here for Scouts, Guides, music groups in your area? Happy to help anyone with the googling to find your local association contact details.

[Outofthewoodwork]

I run an activity that ends at 9.30 and includes primary aged children. It is also music related and involves a number of adults who couldn't get there before 7.30. The late sessions are only running for about a month and a half as we approach the main performance and previously I have worked very hard with the children at an earlier time. I have been clear that children can leave earlier if necessary but inevitably that means there will be things they won't be able to do as they haven't been there for rehearsal. I find most parents are very supportive and understand the input needed at this stage. I wouldn't be at all offended to be approached about a change of time but unfortunately wouldn't be able to accommodate this as it is a collaborative effort with the adults and has always been advertised as such. I suspect some parents probably do think I am demanding of their child's time but I hope they recognise how much of my own time I invest in this activity (which is provided for free).

[Yorkshiremummyof4]

As a child I played in a orchestra from 6-8pm when I was about 11/12 I was moved into the senior orchestra which was 7-9.15pm I always seemed to cope well. My sons a chorister and often they have services which finish late in term times, but we just adjust his day accordingly x

[Oldtile]

That is way too late. I like to be in bed myself for 9.30. Activities are stimulating and it takes time for brain and body to wind down, so kids at this activity will get to sleep really late.

[MythicalKings]

You suggested that they got together to ask us to change the time. That's not one polite parent, is it?

I am a joy when I'm with the DCs and the parents. I just get peed off with people on forums not reading posts properly and telling me how I ought to do something they know nothing about.

[Quartermass]

It's likely that it won't be possible to change the times, but sometimes times are set for a reason which then ceases to apply - eg one of the organisers, who needed to start late, leaves.
Mythical - you sound like a joy, if you think that it is unacceptable and rude for a parent politely to ask about the possibility of a change being made if it would suit other people including yourself. That's exactly how things are improved.

[MythicalKings]

I'll remember that if it ever happens. Not very likely as our parents are very polite.

[redskybynight]

I don't think there is any harm in asking but chances are that the time IS set because an earlier time is not convenient to the organisers and/or a lot of the participants.

DS has just started advanced karate which finishes at 9pm - he is one of the youngest there at age 11. When he moved up the instructor apologized about the late time but said it was because there were more adults attending than at "normal" karate and hence they couldn't start until 7 at the earliest to give people a chance to get home from work, get changed, have something to eat etc. Sounds like it might be something similar with OP's group.

[Jeeves93]

You may find that the times are actually out of the control of the people running the the group - I am told my times by people higher up the food chain. Also because we rent space in a community centre, it is often not possible to do any other time as the building is in use.

Remember that the people running it will probably be working during the day. I get home from work at 6pm or just after. I then need to have dinner, get changed and possibly print out some paperwork that has come through during the day. By the time I can leave the house it is 7pm. Doing anything earlier simply isn't the case. Add to the fact that our existing 12-13yos don't complain about the timings and I am not inclined to try and change anything.

[MargolottaOfUberwold]

It is quite normal for guides

[Quartermass]

If you run a group, you should not get in a strop if a parent politely asks about the possibility of something changing if a change would suit the other people involved in the group, including the volunteers.

[MythicalKings]

A nasty attitude? Do you know what volunteer means? If I am giving up hours of my time not just on the night but also making costumes then I think it's only fair that the hours suit me and the other adults running the group. A nasty attitude is people who don't help at such groups telling us to change our hours. Fortunately our parents are lovely.

[Quartermass]

There's nothing wrong with talking to the organisers about the timing issue. If it suits the majority of the children/parents for the activity to start and finish earlier, and the volunteers can accommodate that, then why not? A nasty attitude here by volunteers who say that just because people come to their group (which may be because they have been given no choice over timings and have nowhere else to go) they will tell anyone who asks about the possibility of shifting the time (if that would be practical for the organisers and would suit other parents better than the current time) to Stuff Off!

[CloserToFiftyThanTwenty]

What on earth do you think an MP can / could / would do about activity finish times?!

[fortyfide]

Talk to the governors or your local MP about the late finishing. Heads are capable of silly rules at times.

[budgiegirl]

I'd have no problems with my DCs attending an activity until 9.30, although I can see that this will not suit all children. I am lucky that mine seem to cope with a bit less sleep for one night, as long as they catch up the next night. But I do know some children that are a wreck for a week if they go to bed late even once.

You need to decide whether this activity, and the time it is on, is suitable for your DD. It's not compulsory to attend.

I don't think it's unreasonable to politely say to the organisers that DD will not be able to attend because the activity goes on too late. But you would be very unreasonable to try to suggest that the times should be changed to suit your DD.

I would think that if the volunteers found that lots of people were leaving due to the times, they may try to rethink the times. But presumably the timings work for enough people, as the activity is running. And it may be that this is the only time the volunteers are able to attend.

[MythicalKings]

I'd already said in a previous post that we have a waiting list, Maman. I was tetchy because you obviously hadn't read it.

I agree that groups need to review how they work from time to time if they are losing members, but that isn't often he case with theatre, choirs and dancing.

[Scholes34]

As others have said, once DCs move up to Scouts from Cubs, there's a much later end time which initially seems very late. Changes in life always seem a big step, but they quickly become the norm.

One change for parents to deal with is their children going to bed later than them. Now my DC are teenagers, they are invariably up later than me. Eventually, you get to trust them to put the cat out and lock up.

OP, if it's too late an end time for your DD, then it's not the activity for her. She might, however, be more resilient than you think.

[MamanOfThree]

we have a waiting list, so that just doesn't happen

That's your answer then. You don't have the need to make allowances/efforts because people are queuing anyway.

I'm wondering why you are feeling under attack though. My point wasn't about you in particular and your group. It was about the fact you seem to think no one should ever ask anything from the volunteer because they are volunteers.
What I am saying is actually in some cases they would. I have no idea of that is the case for the OP and the activity her dd wants to do. But this is something worth mentioning. That's all :)

[MythicalKings]

Maman I said we have a waiting list, so that just doesn't happen. Not in my group or the others know of in the area. Our parents are grateful for our time and what we do and wouldn't be so rude as to suggest we changed how we work.

If they wanted to really run that group, they would need to make an effort to do it out of school hours so it can work.

Not sure what your argument is there, it doesn't make sense. When you volunteer for something you choose an activity that fits in with the hours you can be available. Our group already works perfectly well and has done for years.

Review everything and actually come to the conclusion it's the best compromise for everyone in the current situation.

We don't need to. We have never had less than 12 or so on the waiting list. They can start at aged 8, like the group in question.

Parents have a choice about whether or not to send their DCs to a group that finishes at 9.30pm. If they don't like the hours they can look for something else.

[MamanOfThree]

The thing is MythicalKings, if the group run by volunteers has no one coming over because it's not suitable, what's the point in running the group at all?
These volunteers are as dependent on the children coming to see them then the children are dependent on them to do said activity. From that pov, everyone has to make an effort and be ready to listen.

If the volunteers were only available between 12.00 and 3.00pm weekday, I doubt that any children would be able to come.
If they wanted to really run that group, they would need to make an effort to do it out of school hours so it can work.

The OP has never been about 'forcing' the volunteers to have a different time as such. She is saying she thinks the times are unsuitable for a 12yo. Which I, and others, agree to.
On the pov of the volunteers, knowing that might lead to different possibilities.
Review the times so they have more people coming (esp if they have some issues with the size of the group)
Think that actually the group isn't suitable for young children such as an 8yo and stop catering for the yongest ones.
Review everything and actually come to the conclusion it's the best compromise for everyone in the current situation.

[TeenAndTween]

Odd My DD takes an hour to 'unwind' after an activity, so it wouldn't take an hour to get to bed, but would take her an hour to actually get to sleep.

[OddBoots]

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost - why would a 12yo take an hour to get ready for bed? Mine takes 10 minutes, maybe 15 if she needs a shower.

[OddBoots]

Try it and see. My dc started Scouts aged 10 1/2 and I was very worried because it was on a Monday and finished at 9.30pm but actually they coped okay and didn't seem to get too tired.

[MythicalKings]

If anyone tried that with my group they'd be told to get stuffed.

When volunteers run activities for other people's DCs then they get to set the agenda. If parents don't like it then they can find another group. I can't believe that anyone would have the cheek to try to organise parents to forces volunteers to change the times. A new level of "entitled".

We have a waiting list for our group and they'd be told to piss off and take their DCs with them. Shame for the DCs but parents don't get to dictate how I spend my free time.