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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think £40 is not too much to put in a wedding card?

97 replies

Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 04/06/2015 14:38

Going to the evening reception of a wedding tonight. Dp wants to put £20 in card, I say £40.
It was a small wedding ceremony and I've known the bride a couple of years. I think £20 would probably just cover what she's spending on feeding us and feel £40 is better to give.
How much do you guys put in cards (when they've asked for money instead of gifts)
Th

OP posts:
Dreamiesrcatopium · 04/06/2015 17:17

Our circle of friends all seem to stick to the same amounts. 50 for all day 30 evening. If its family or myself or DH are in the wedding party(which seems to be a lot the last few years) we either go up to 80 or give a nice meaningful friendship kinda thing along with the 50.

GatoNaranja · 04/06/2015 17:18

Jeez, MN is a different world sometimes.

£20 is plenty for an evening guest, even a day guest. I wouldn't judge anyone for the amount they spent on me, if anything I'd feel slightly embarrassed by anyone feeling they had to be extravagant.

A wedding gift is supposed to be given voluntarily anyway. It's not a question of value, it's a case of just giving whatever you feel inclined to as a token of affection and best wishes for the happy couple.

I was invited to a big wedding as an evening guest. I couldn't make it but gave the bride a card with a tenner in it to spend on a couple of drinks at the airport! She was v thankful even though it wasn't much, and I would have been too, had it been me.

Gifts really are a token not compulsory, at least that's how I see them, whether I'm giving or receiving.

stolenview · 04/06/2015 17:24

O don't for evening.

Usually 50 pp for day

MrsTedCrilly · 04/06/2015 17:31

You'll always get different answers on here as there is such a wide spectrum of people! Totally depends on you and what you can afford.. I gave £40 for a close friend and felt that was very generous.

redshoeblueshoe · 04/06/2015 17:40

MrsTed - she said this is a friend of a friend, therefore not a close friend

MrsTedCrilly · 04/06/2015 17:50

Yes I'm just giving context, I felt £40 was generous for my close friend, so a friend of a friend would be less.

Shakey1500 · 04/06/2015 18:11

I'd just meet on the middle and put £30 in Grin

MissBattleaxe · 04/06/2015 18:48

That'a a £30 invite in my book. £100+ - family and close friends, £50+ - friends, £30 - evening do

Great if you've got that kind of money spare. Many couldn't afford those figures.

Anotheronebitthedust · 04/06/2015 19:35

Ooh, I'm going to piggybank onto this thread (sorry OP) and ask if people would give more if two good friends were marrying each other, as is happening in a wedding I'm going to soon? Originally I thought yes, I'd give roughly double, because that's how much I would have spent if they were marrying separately, iyswim? But then if, as here, people are equating it roughly with the cost of feeding/paying for you as a guest then maybe not, as I would only be costing them one wedding's worth!

OP, in your case I'd go for £30 as a compromise, as others have said.

Kvetch15 · 04/06/2015 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Artandco · 04/06/2015 19:58

£50 per adult attending is usual here. So usually £100 in card in cash or vouchers for dh , myself and x2 little ones attending.

Unfortunately we also have a large number of friends living abroad due to ourselves also living there at some point, so wedding attending usually costs a fair bit as involves flight and hotel and car hire costs. But we generally stay a few days before or after and turn it into a small holiday as family also to make flights more worth it

BabyMurloc · 04/06/2015 20:06

I usually do £20. Our usual "budget" for anyone outside of our family unit of kids/parents/siblings/nephews&nieces is £10 - £20 birthdays £20-£30 weddings, depending who it is and what we have available money wise at the time. If that makes me "tight" I don't care tbh. It is what I have and what we can decently afford as a benchmark. Like it or lump it.

crustsaway · 04/06/2015 20:08

£20 in my mind is a bit mean, £40 is fine.

WeAreEternal · 04/06/2015 20:14

As a general rule we give £100 as a day guest. As an evening guest we give £60.

Although if it is a close friend or family we give a lot more.
when my best friend got married a few years ago we gave her 5k

I think the important thing it to just give what you can afford.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 04/06/2015 20:15

It would be £20 here. Nice if you can afford to give more but I can't.

MelodyPM · 04/06/2015 20:17

I've never given money in evening invites - just a card. DH & I didn't expect our evening guests to give us presents / cash - it's just not the done thing among our friends. As day guests we always give £20, it's all we can afford. I have ended up playing the violin at several of my friend's weddings and it's saved them ££££, so that's been my main gift to them.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/06/2015 20:33

£40, definitely.

PrincessOfChina · 04/06/2015 20:34

I really don't think MN is a "different world" if the vast majority of posters are suggesting they give similar amounts. And every single poster has also said that giving nothing but a card is also more than acceptable.

Guests at our wedding have anything from nothing to a card to £1k. I would say the average was £30 for evening guests though which tallies with what I generally give. We were rather embarrassed when several guests logged back on to our travel account after the wedding and gave more as we had a free bar!

3luckystars · 04/06/2015 20:41

In Ireland so its different. Feel free to ignore.
The average here is to give (per couple) €150 for full day, €200 for good friend
€250 for family member

Then for afters €50 to €100 and same amount if you cant attend.

Weddings are poisonous expensive to attend as a guest here, between hotel, gift and everything it could be €600 to €700. That's probably why I hate them.

lightgreenglass · 04/06/2015 20:46

£30 for evening guests I would say is fine. We give close friends £100, not so close £50-60.

Szeli · 04/06/2015 21:11

£20 is about average from our wedding. More people gave booze

RichPetunia · 04/06/2015 22:08

I'd say it's best to meet in the middle, so give £30.

youareallbonkers · 04/06/2015 22:22

I Wouldn't give cash. And to ask for cash? How rude and grabby

lozster · 04/06/2015 22:29

I used to go for £40 until I read a similar thread on here where the most common figure mentioned was £20. I then went down to this especially as evening do's now seem to involve no food and no drink. Heck, the last one I went to had no seats- just the tables from the day do with the day guests still sitting on them. What happened to hospitality?!

drinkscabinet · 04/06/2015 22:51

I think it depends how much you can afford. Obviously if you are on a low income £20 is generous but if you are comfortable £40 is a reasonable amount for an evening guest. Having said that some people are just tight FIL so as a quick tip if you afford several holidays abroad a year then £20 is too little for a wedding present.

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