AIBU to not know about babies and petrol stations?

[Beth2511]

Since DD was born I've always avoided filling up on my own so not to have this problem but need to figure it out. Say I have 6 month DD in car when I need petrol, when it comes to paying do I leave her? Do I take her with me?

Baffles me.

[Writerwannabe83]

missduke - I'm happy to be one of the 'takes her child with her' mumsnetters

Supposedly moronic and proud of it

[Cantkinsale]

If I need to fill up, the kids come with. Regardless of age. The thought of anything happening in that split second just doesn't bare thinking about. Toddlers and older kids are made to hold hands in the forecourt. Better to be safe than sorry.

[Squeakycleansparkle]

MissDuke, and other take-with'ers, the thing is (and this goes for ALL parenting choices) if you have one parent who is more cautious/nervous/sees the world differently, it can sometimes come off as a judgement about other people's choices.
I'll try and explain: there's a mum at my DD's school who has issues around her nerves. So can't let her child out of her sight until she's at the classroom door. And holds her hand right up to the door. And wouldn't let her go to nursery in case the nursery staff were lying when they said she hadn't cried all day. It's her child so a part of me thinks "whatever" but sadly the way it comes off is that anyone who makes a different choice to her, is in some way negligent, or doesn't love their child like she loves hers.
I have a lot of sympathy for anxiety, but she has everyone's piss at a constant simmer because she thinks she's completely reasonable and we are all twats.
That's why there's such a reaction on here - an unspoken inference of negligence.
Hope that explains better, and absolutely isnt a dig at you, it's just that you asked about it.

[Writerwannabe83]

I don't think anyone who leaves their child is negligent, not at all. They just see the forecourt as a bigger risk than leaving a child alone in a secure car and that's fine. I certainly don't think I love my child more than they love their's just because I risk assess differently.

I'm pretty sure when my DH goes to the petrol station he leaves DS in the car when he goes to pay. I have never asked him about it though as what I don't know can't hurt me

[Happybodybunny12]

I am amazed anyone takes their child in. Never seen anyone do this in RL. What a hassle. Park near and you can see them all the time anyway.

[ilovesooty]

The last time I filled up my car it was on plain sight on the forecourt about a yard and a half away. It's perfectly possible to find a petrol station where your car is that near while you pay. Perhaps that explains why I don't think I've encountered the practice of unloading whole families and traipsing to the kiosk or perhaps parents near me just don't have that mindset.

[ShadowFire]

I leave the DC in the car. All the petrol stations near me have the kiosks so that I can see the car while I'm waiting to pay.

I think that the risks of taking them out of the car and across the forecourt are greater than the risks of leaving them alone in the car (which I can see at all times) for a few minutes.

[IAmAPaleontologist]

Big queue/small baby liable to start screaming I take with me. Older ones/asleep baby/baby happy to sit in car seat with engine off/small queue I leave in the car. The vast majority of the time I leave in the car. I also leave in the car outside local shops though whihc I think makes me a really terrible, dangerous and irresponsible parent.

[Psippsina]

There are risks either way. Unless mine was crying/is crying I would leave him in the car, with doors locked.

If crying, unbuckle child from car seat (don't drag the thing with you) and take with me.

[Athenaviolet]

I'd never even heard of this as an 'issue' before mn.

Irl I've never heard of anyone who doesn't leave kids in the car to fuel up.

[YouMakeMyHeartSmile]

I don't think it is an issue except on mumsnet. Some people take their children in, some don't. I've never judged anyone for leaving their child in the car. I've never got annoyed with anyone for taking an extra 30 seconds to put a child back in the car if they've taken the child in with them. In fact I can hand on heart say I've never even noticed what anyone else does. Or asked. Or cared x

[mistbecomingrain]

I must be very careless - I leave both small DC's in the car without a thought. I take the keys with me and lock the car.

How likely is it that while I'm paying for the petrol someone would break into the locked car and start the engine without the keys? Or how likely is it that the car would explode or something?

[Goatlington]

The thought of anything happening in that split second just doesn't bare thinking about. Toddlers and older kids are made to hold hands in the forecourt. Better to be safe than sorry.

May I ask, genuinely, what do you think would happen?

Hundreds and thousands of children die every year at home and in cars and RTA's. Thousands. No one ever died, EVER in the UK in a locked car on a petro station forecourt. If you are living your life by the , " better safe than sorry" mantra then no where is safe, least of all your own home or car.

I suspect you do know that your fear is entirely illogical, though?

[merrymouse]

whatever your decision, find a petrol station that suits you (pump visible from till, easy to navigate forecourt with children, good choice of chocolate bars, whatever) and make sure you fill up there regularly, well before the tank reaches empty.

[nuttybananas]

Another person - been driving for close to 25 years - never seen anyone taking in a baby to pay, older kids yes but faffing around with baby seats and toddlers - not in my experience.
I liked the lawyers post - that's exactly how I see things. I'm not being negligent if I leave my child for a few minutes and nothing I've read since has made me question my view.
The only thing that's different these days is that more and more petrol stations are now a shop - if you want to wander the aisles and pick up some groceries then yes I would take little ones in with me - but to be honest if I need groceries and with kids I'd rather park up in a proper supermarket where I can get a trolley rather than a basket.

[ShadowFire]

One of my worst case "anything happening in that split second" scenarios involves DC slipping from my grip as we cross the forecourt, and running into the 70 mph limit dual carriageway in front of traffic before I can catch them. DC are 3.9 yrs and 20 months, so bolting if they get scared or see something exciting is a realistic possibility.

(Our nearest petrol station is off a dual carriageway, with a grass verge but no fencing between the forecourt and the carriageway. I appreciate that this is not representative of all petrol stations)

[fakenamefornow]

Very often on these sort of threads the 'leave in the car' parents DO get criticised as somehow being irresponsible and just plain bad parents. Maybe because there have now been so many of them and the dangers of taking children in with you are now so well known because they're all been talked about before, we are not being criticised. This is good surely.

I think really if we're all being honest it's actually less about carefully assessing the risks, which are tiny whichever choice you make, and more about what parents are most comfortable with. I do think the 'it's not worth the risk' parents do need to get a grip though, you have just been driving around in a car how much more risky do you think that is!

[Writerwannabe83]

Although I know fears about exploding cars are pretty illogical I just couldn't leave DS in one unattended.

If something happened that may cause harm or put DS at any risk because I chose to leave him I would never forgive myself.

In my eyes, the only way I know I can keep DS as safe as I can within my power is to have him with me.

[wanderings]

Observations on petrol stations, as someone who fills up three times a week:

Some petrol stations are indeed on 70mph dual carriageways, with no fencing at all, as someone said.

Petrol stations are full of CCTV to make sure parents don't leave kids in the car .

Many drivers don't observe at all before they drive away from a pump, if they are in a hurry to get away. Many times I have seen adult pedestrians having to jump out of the way when drivers haven't observed.

(The only thing I haven't seen is a family being herded across the forecourt, and I rarely see children in the shop!)

[GiraffesAndButterflies]

So is the consensus that as usually these threads end up with everyone having a go at irresponsible leave-in-car parents, this time around everyone's having a go at time-wasting take-them-with-you parents? Wish I'd known that before posting.

[Writerwannabe83]

Variety is the spice of life giraffe

[CatthiefKeith]

I routinely leave my almost 4yo dd in the car, but do tyr to use the pump closest to the petrol station. My decision is partially influenced by the fact that I have had my car door taken off in a petrol station, had my foot run over in a petrol station and have seen a dog run over in one.

I've also had a car burst into flames in a petrol station in the mid 90's, but that particular car was designed by Adolf Hitler, air cooled and built in the late 1960's. My trusty Focus is much less likely to misbehave!

[YouMakeMyHeartSmile]

My stationary car was crashed into quite badly at a petrol station while I was inside paying. The man drove off without stopping. My car was written off.

[sanfairyanne]

thank goodness you werent stood in front of the car at the time!