"Have you thought about buying?"...

[NickyEds]

As in a house. We're currently (and increasingly desperately) looking for a new house to rent. In our area stuff comes up, is viewed and goes within a day. We're on all the usual websites every day looking for somewhere suitable. The last house we viewed and applied for, 14 other people also applied for and we didn't get it.
If one more person says "If you're having trouble renting, have you thought of buying??"...GGrrrrr. Yes we have thought about it. We don't have thousands of pounds sat about. It's not an option. The question is usually followed by "Can't your parents help you out?". . Maybe they think that the thought has actually never occurred to us and they're genuinely being helpful but AIBU to scream in the face of the next person who says this?

[JustCallMeDory]

Sorry it's proving so hard to find somewhere suitable to rent OP.

If it's any slight consolation (misery loves company ) when we were desperately trying to find somewhere to buy last year when we had to relocate, I thought if ONE MORE PERSON tells me 'HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT RENTING' I'd either scream, or punch them or both.

I've no idea why people assume that when you've made a decision, you haven't actually considered all the options and discounted them because they're NOT RIGHT for you.

... and breathe.

In short, you have my empathy! and no, YANBU. Scream away.

[BreakingDad77]

Well they are cleansing parts of London (photo from a tweet from @redrumlisa)

[BreakingDad77]

Photo missing -

[Lymmmummy]

Agree with fairy lea - lots of people "can't understand" anyone else's experience unless it is like their own - often these are people who have led very fortunate lives and cannot appreciate that others have not fallen on the same fortunate circumstances or it can be older people who really genuinely don't understand the change in buying a house and rent prices in the last decade

i have had to bite my tongue on a few occasions on this type of -"can't understand" type of stuff - I have 2 friends both very lovely one had children at 41 and 46 after having cancer in her 30s (from her own frozen embryos and most people are not aware of her cancer being the reason she had kids later) and another who adopted from abroad at 44 and 49 due to not having met a partner - the amount of times other school mums have said "I can't understand why they waited so long - I could never have done that" I do sort of have the same sort of feeling as OP that how can people be so judgemental surely they must realise most people would prefer to have had children younger just like most people would prefer to buy a home if their funds allowed them to do so etc why should people have to reveal the inner details of their finances or health just for nosey parkers with nothing to do than judge others - sorry just done school run so have just had one of these types of conversations

[MaliceInWonderland78]

There's a difference though between "can't understand" when they actually mean "I don't know" and just generally being not able to understand.

For those of us that are saying 'move to a cheaper area' we are saying so (or I am at least) because the OP (or whoever else) has not suggested that there are any restraints other than not being able to raise the deposit/money required. It may well be that there are other constraints. If that's so, and those constraints are such that owning your own home is not a sufficient prize as to make the upheavel worth while, then........ tough shit.

I don't mean that in as nasty a way as it sounds, it's just a recognition of the fact that we all have crosses to bear, and we all make choices (or have choices made for us) that are less than ideal. We must simply play the hand we're dealt and remember that there's always someone worse off than us.

[Casimir]

Hear this sort of thing about everything. Still have no answer. STFU is rude apparently. Punch in the face is rude too. Would love to hear a decent way of saying don't be so stupid. Answer is to not mention in the first place I guess.

[MaliceInWonderland78]

Casimir Correct, because after all, a "have you thought about buying" is arguably more constructive than a STFU, or punching someone in the face.

[loveareadingthanks]

But it's not though. Do you really think people are so incredibly stupid you need to inform them that it's possible to buy properties? That they've never seen a 'For Sale' sign or an estate agent window?

[MaliceInWonderland78]

Never EVER underestimate how stupid people are. Particularly those that have not been able to get their shit sufficiently together in order to be able to step onto the property ladder.


.....That was a joke by the way.

[BarbarianMum]

I can understand it if people don't want to move north. What really fucks me off though, is people talking about the cost of housing in the south east as if they are typical to the whole country. There are lots of problems with housing/housing stock in the north but its not all about price. But of course they don't matter cause there are no jobs up here no, none at all, not one.

[propelusagain]

I can understand it if people don't want to move north.

Why? I don't understand that. Can you explain?

[BarbarianMum]

Well, I'm probably not the person to ask cause I did but I guess if you have a lot of family in the SE and jobs you enjoy, or kids in secondary school, its not so easy just to up sticks. And of course the myths about 100% unemployment and baby eating don't help.

Personally our standard of living is about 1000 times better than if we'd stayed in the SE and our parents and siblings have all moved up to join us. But London does have a strange hypnotic effect and when you live there it's hard to imagine living elsewhere without the theatres you never go to and the art galleries you never visit

[propelusagain]

family in the SE and jobs you enjoy, or kids in secondary school, its not so easy just to up sticks. - but plenty people do move, and many from 'up north come to the SE for work.

[ThatWasMyFavouriteDressNow]

Unless you have an extremely odd plumbing system it will not ' cost a fortune ' to plumb in a washing machine. No where near the cost of moving .

I agree with this.

Really, if you have a mains supply to your home, a mains pipe going to a kitchen sink tap say, you can "plumb" in a washing machine in 5 minutes, £30 MAX spent on stuff needed and anyone can do it. Really easy.
Don't understand the problem here. Or am I missing something obvious?

[drudgetrudy]

I'm not sure where these parents with thousands of pounds standing idly by are either. I can only assume they were left money by their own parents.
In my case my DH was brought up in a council house and my parent's limited amount of money has partly gone towards my Mum's care.
In any case the sale of her terraced house brought £70,000 which would then be divided between me and a sibling. I also have more than one child.
I don't think for a minute they would want me to give them the lump sum from my pension.
My DH and I both had fairly good jobs-think salary level of police sergeant and top of band 6 nurse.
I know a lot of people who were much worse off-where are their thousands of pounds.
People who make comments like "Have you never thought of buying?" are ridiculous.

[aintnothinbutagstring]

drudgetrudy, but some people do live in a bubble, they can't possibly fathom that people have had different opportunities, or lack of, or different upbringings to them. My own parents don't have thousands lying around, they are just getting by, saving for their approaching retirement. They can't downsize, as to afford us a deposit, as their house just isn't in a profitable area, it wouldn't be worth it. And similarly to yourself, there's myself and two siblings, what they do for one, presumably they'd want to do for all three of us.

My dh is a highly skilled worker, hopefully if the opportunity arises, we will emigrate so as to afford a decent lifestyle for our children. We have savings, not sure we now want to hand all that over for a not so much as a dollhouse over here though.

However I know a number of my peers that have only had to cry to their parents that renting is so awful and their parents have stumped up tens of thousands as deposit. Those are the type of people that just don't get it.

[NickyEds]

Really, if you have a mains supply to your home, a mains pipe going to a kitchen sink tap say, you can "plumb" in a washing machine in 5 minutes, £30 MAX spent on stuff needed and anyone can do it. Really easy.
Don't understand the problem here. Or am I missing something obvious?

Sadly, the kitchen is literally the space under the stairs- one unit deep x 3 units wide so there isn't room in the kitchen for one. The only place that could is in the cellar which doesn't have water. Plus the pipes on the road are joined and we're the end terrace so if any of our neighbours turn their water off for any reason ours goes off too. Plumber said it would be a monumental PITA.

In any case we have found somewhere to rent .

My new phrase is "wow, that rent's expensive, more than my mortgage!!".

[LotusLight]

Everyone should be sensitive to the position of others as we have no idea their circumstances. However there is a group of people in the UK with a mindset that things cannot be done. Whatever you suggest to them they find some reason not to be able to do it - eg will not accept an hour's commute, will not start by buying a one bed flat in zone 6 London, will not consider living in Herts and commuting to London, have to live near mother etc etc. Could not possibly work full time like plenty of women with small children do.

These people are frustrating to come across. I think the biggest problem with buying for many is 95% mortgages being rare coupled with some people in cities thinking they have to start with a perfect family home rather than work their way up slumming it with a rough one bed flat first. It is like those people who have to have a decorated nursery for the baby when many of us shoved the baby in the carry cot by our bed and dressed it in second hand baby gros (we did). Amazingly my babies survived the absence of a "nursery" or room with my little pony stencils on it.

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

You Southerners really have a rose tinted spectacle view of life up here in thw North. Yes, it is possible to buy a home for under 100k, but it will be opposite a derelict pub still trying to trade, round the corner from a failing Primary, and theres a burnt out car in next doors drive.

To get a family home in an area with good schools and a decent location is much much closer to 250k.

Yes, on the whole it is slightly cheaper than the South but the stupidly cheap hpmes are cheap for a reason.

[LotusLight]

I'm originally from the NE. I don't agree property has to be expensive in the North and most of us in the South have had to start in very grotty areas.

My mother's home in the 1930s in the NE - that street the properties are about £50k today (although I accept it's not a rich area).

[propelusagain]

I disagree. I live just outside Edinburgh, and house prices are low here. It is easy to buty a 2/3 beroomed house in a nice area for 140K. We have good schools, low crime and low unemployment.
I live in a very quiet leafy estate, 14 minutes train ride from the heart of Edinburgh, we have good schools and shops nearby.
Edinburgh has lower unemployment rates than London, and global opporttunities in the finance, commerce,educational, legal, medical and scientific fields. There is a big service inustry too- Edinburgh sees 3 times its resident population visit per year.
My home ( 5 bedroomed semi with a garden ) cost me 215K last year.

[DinosaursRoar]

Lotus - yes, there is a group who want various things while at the same time not having to make any sacrifices or changes for it. While different people have different pressures and make different choices, I do wish sometimes people would accept the downsides of the choices they made and recognise they are/were choices.

I don't mean people who have never had much financially, but I do know people who were earning £30-40k in their mid-20s (and continued to do so) without any DCs yet don't have £10k+ savings and seem confused that others expect them to have reached their 30s with a decent lump sum savings.

[SausageBaconCrackling]

This is precisely why my husband and I have just stopped worrying about it. We're late 20s, four children. It became very obvious when my ex left me in debt that would hang around for years that we wouldn't be able to afford to buy, so we had more babies instead. It's a choice, renting isn't the worst thing in the world. We have good landlords who want a very long term let. We're left alone to decorate and enjoy the place as we wish. It's possible to rent and be happy with it. :)

[mumto3alexa]

We are 30 so were able to buy when they would give anyone a mortgage. I had my first mortgage on 12k salary. Second mortgage we were both on minimum wage and managed to buy down South.

It is only because they have become a bit more strict now.

[wigglylines]

This is a direct result of Right To Buy, Thatcher's sell off of council housing, and specifically that local councils were forbidden from using the income from house sales to build new housing.

It was a huge mistake that the last Labour government did nothing to address this IMO.

Sure the first generation got to buy their homes at knock down prices, but now where are we?

So many of those sold-off council houses are now in the hands of private landlords and are being rented to the exact same families who would have benefited from them before, but for extortionate prices rather than affordable rents.

And, the lack of affordable housing has a knock on effect of driving prices up for everyone In the private sector too.

The answer is for the government to start a modern program of social housing. Council housing was never meant to be only for those in desperate need, it was meant to be for everyone.

Modern social housing, properly run would be an investment, not a drain on the tax payer, as the rental income from people's salaries would be an income, the properties would be an asset and any housing benefit would be coming back into the system not being syphoned off by private landlords. People should be free to stay as long as they want so rent from their salaries goes back into the system.

A large scale program of social housing would also have the knock on effect of driving down prices in the private sector.

It seems like such an obvious practical step, what's not to like?

Not a hope in hell of this government doing anything about it though. One of the first things the Condem coalition did when they got into power was remove the requirement for all new builds to include some affordable housing.

These are the kinds of things we should have all been talking about in the run up to the general election IMO but this government pulled off a very effective game of smoke and mirrors, getting everyone all het up.about "benefit scroungers" and diverting us from much more meaningful and significant problems in society such as how hard it is to simply find somewhere affordable to live.