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AIBU?

To be 'disappointed' with DD2s attitude about achieving 7 or 8 A* at GCSE.

84 replies

smokepole · 05/02/2015 17:50

DD2 yr11 has been told by numerous teachers including her form tutor, that she is capable of getting between 7-9 A in her GCSEs. DDs attitude is I only need 3 A 'its to difficult to get 7 or 8' 'I want a life'. DD told this to me as well as her form teacher, who told her that she is capable of going to any University she likes!. Her response was I am not going to just sit in for the next 2 and half years studying and not having a life.

She has quite randomly decided she wants to do English @ 'Lancaster University' all the way from Folkestone !

I am a caught between being disappointed and being very proud , because this is a girl who her 'Grammar' school who would rather that she left in year 7 due to difficulties with Dyspraxia.

I guess this is a thread for other Mums to show disappointment, pride or a bit of both ....

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Idontseeanysontarans · 06/02/2015 14:49

Out of interest does your DD want to go to Uni or has she just been told which way to aim? (Not specifically by you - school as well) just wondering as the message to young people now seems to be 'University or bust' which can't be good for anyone.
Having seen a family member reduced to a total hysterical state over his mocks a short time ago despite apparently being one of the smartest kids in his year I would question if this relentless pressure is healthy.

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geekymommy · 06/02/2015 14:50

That's very true, muminhants. I busted my ass to do well in college, and it hasn't gotten me a better job than people who did less. (And this was college- it's going to be even more true of schooling before that) And the academic qualifications will matter less and less as you get into your career (at least in most fields, as I understand it).

There isn't anything she can do now that will guarantee her a good or easy life as an adult. The flip side of that is, there's also nothing she can do now that will guarantee her a bad or difficult life. Life just doesn't work that way.

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Dawndonnaagain · 06/02/2015 14:54

smoke Just make sure you teach her what she needs to live independently. Whichever uni she chooses will also put things in place if necessary. Ds2 is at uni 200 miles away ( we encouraged distance) he has AS and tourettes. He is in his second year, happy, enjoying life and achieving good grades, in Lit, funnily enough!

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wannabestressfree · 06/02/2015 15:03

Good God every post I read of yours is dire...
What happened to private schools?
Sisters that wouldn't pay for private education and not doing their bit?
Parents who supplemented your ex husband who didn't work and paid no money?
Do you just lurch from one 'crisis' to another. I can't imagine why she hasn't considered Glasgow or Edinburgh?
Gah! Hmm

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smokepole · 06/02/2015 15:06

Dawn. You are quite right about putting things in place to help her with her Dyspraxia. Funnily enough I am in the process myself acquiring Disability Students Allowance for my OU Studies. I have just witnessed how 'stupid' they can be accepting my assessment report about Dyspraxia/Aspergers but not accepting the same reports findings about my Dyslexia/Irlens. However, after I complained that they had not 'read the report' they said 'sorry' and accepted the full report.

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geekymommy · 06/02/2015 15:08

She might be rebelling against you. You obviously value grades highly. She might be saying that she's not you, grades are not the most important thing in her life. You can't really fight her on this- you can't make her study and learn the material. (You can punish her if she doesn't, but that's not at all the same thing.) You can't make her value what you value in life. You can punish her for not paying lip service to your values, but that's not the same thing as having the same values. If you make this into a battle, you're not going to win, and you are probably going to damage your relationship with her. You can tell her you don't agree with her choice, you can tell her how better grades will open doors for her in the future (although her school counselor might be better for this, you may not have up-to-date information. Inaccurate or out of date information will hurt your credibility far more than saying nothing.). Whatever you do say, don't try to repeat it until she changes her mind. Nagging is not likely to help.

In the end, you don't get to choose how she will live her life. As an adult, she's almost certainly going to make choices that you don't agree with. You're going to have to learn to live with that.

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ThinkIveBeenHacked · 06/02/2015 15:12

Good on her. At my school we were submitted for 13 GCSEs. I managed to balance a social life with a good set of results. One of my closest friends studied continuously for the duration of the GCSE years to the detriment of her social life. She got the high grades. Now we are 3 no one gives a shit what we got aslong as they are C and above.

We earn the same wage. Went to the same Uni.

id do it all again the same.

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QOD · 07/02/2015 12:06

That's grammar schools for you.
Dd is taking 10 this year, took 3 last year and has 2 A's and a B and yes, she'd be better doing 8 in total and getting A and A* but it's not my or her choice.

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childlessormore · 07/02/2015 15:55

I think she is probably just giving herself less pressure. The fact she has chosen a degree course (and a sensible choice at that) suggests to me that she is actually much more focused and switched on about it all than you give her credit for. I chose my own degree course at about 13 and went on to complete it. I too would, however, was very laid back about my results predictions and did not work as hard as I should have done. Perhaps not the best attitude but I had a lot of other stuff going on in my life besides study - and actually those things ended up helping me down the line into employment compared to some of my peers who had done little else other than study. I wouldn't be concerned unless she was completely neglecting her studies - it doesn't sound as though she is.

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