to have not let this go with my dad and ended up in an argument? (TRIGGER WARNING: Rape)

[Bogeyface]

Locally there has been relatively important public figure accused of rape.

I was discussing it with my mother and she said that she doesnt know what she thinks, but I said that the fact it got to court at all, especially taking into account that it happened several years ago, suggests that the CPS must have some pretty damning evidence. I said that considering that most reported rapes dont get to court because of a lack of evidence, the fact that this one did says that there is something in the accusation. She conceded that I had a point but I could see that she wasnt convinced.

Then my dad says "Well its 6 of one and half a dozen of the other, she says he did, he says he didnt, its probably a misunderstanding" and I was really cross and said that I was appalled that he viewed rape like that. I said that his attitude was one of the reasons that many women dont bother reporting rape because they know that the chances of conviction are tiny, as most of the jury will have that attitude. Anyway, it went on and we ended up having a row about it, which shook me, I havent hada row with dad in years and years. He stormed off and obviously thinks that I am in the wrong and should accept that the accused probably didnt do it as the woman sounded "like a piece of work" (DONT GET ME STARTED ON THAT ).

Mum says I should have left it and not got into a row, I said that I would get into a row with anyone with that attitude to women and to rape. I asked her how she would feel if I was the victim and someone said that about me, she sort of shrugged and said that I still should have let it go.

I had to ring them about something a few minutes ago and dad was really short and snotty with me on the phone, not like him at all, but I was damned if I was going to let a comment like that go unchallenged. The court case is ongoing and if I mention it again I just know that mum will try to shut me up about it, rather than "make a fuss" and "wind your dad up".

WIBU? I wasnt was I? Questioning myself now!

[Bogeyface]

The odd thing is people don't get tied up in these ridiculous knots over other crimes, just rape

I think its because many people genuinely dont believe that rape that hasnt involved being dragged off the street by a stranger and violently attacked isnt really rape. Its a misunderstanding, its miscommunication, its a mistake because of alcohol........its not really rape. It goes hand in hand with the idea that if a woman went to a mans room with him then she was asking for it.

Until the burden of proof is put on the accused (to prove consent WAS given) rather than the victim (to prove consent was NOT given or was withdrawn) then I dont think this will change.

[Duckdeamon]

I have recently been shocked about two (now ex) male friends' attitudes, in one case to the ched Evans case and the other to women who, dressed provocatively, sell drinks promotion type work in bars. They said things in a situation where it was difficult to challenge (a wedding reception in one case, at a meal out in another), but afterwards I told DH I no longer want to spend time with them because of this.

[hackmum]

OP, YANBU. Why shouldn't you stand up for what you believe in? Why should you be the one to back down rather than your dad? If he'd come out with some other offensive belief ("All black people are thieves", say), should you have just let it go?

If your father doesn't have the maturity to cope with his prejudices being challenged, then that's his problem, not yours.

[MrsKoala]

I have had similar arguments with my parents about things like this.

My mum watched The Accused and felt that the men in the bar 'deserved' sex after the way Jodie Foster 'prick teased' them. She said it shouldn't have got to the rape situation as she should have done the decent thing and just fucked them.

Dad said to me once 'if you (not me, generic you) are going raped just enjoy it'

We can never discuss, rape (IF it happened the woman probably deserved it), pornography (every woman in it is loving every second, has made an informed choice in life, had plenty of other options just liked sex so much they chose this career, wasn't ever vulnerable or damaged and are never ever underage or coerced) or prostitution (see pornography) without me totally losing my shit.

[Bambambini]

Many people believe that the number of false rape allegations is huge. Many believe if a defendant is found not guilty then the woman made a false allgation. Many believe if a complaint doesn't go forward - it was a false allegation.